How to have a strong masculine personality

16 comments

1. I’ll try to avoid the be yourself message since you clearly aren’t looking for it. What you’re describing can all be summarized under the “lack of control” umbrella. So try to be in control of things. Could be a minor thing like driving your friends around or being the leader in a gaming group/lobby. You will feel more in control and after you get used to it, you’ll notice you have more confidence in yourself and is able to handle or control any situation you see fit. From now on, besides my message, take control of your own life and decisions.

2. Ignore these thoughts of “alpha/beta” If you have to use those terms or think in them you aren’t an “alpha”

   You’ve hit the issue on the head, it’s nothing to do with being nice and everything to do with being timid. This comes from a place of fear (usually of failure or embarrassment) for most people.

   I would encourage you to plan to fail. Go do things that you suck at and know you’re going to suck at for a while until you eventually stop being garbage at it. You’ll learn that failure is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact it is the fastest way to learn and to better yourself.

   Pick up a physical hobby (boxing is awesome, gets you fit, adds confidence, and is useful in the off chance you need to defend yourself). Go out and talk to people you find interesting. Set yourself a goal to achieve in milestones over the course of the next year.

   The point here is that nothing you’ve described has to do with your “manliness” and everything to do with fear. You’re not “too nice” you’re too timid. Nice has nothing to do with it.

   I could go on for pages here lol. I was in your shoes when I was younger, I know what it’s like.

3. [removed]

4. Check out the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy.” by Dr. Robert Glover. It really helped me with a lot of the feelings you seem to be having.

   Definitely wouldn’t consider myself an “alpha” and think that mentality is silly, but it helped me be a more balanced person who can stand up for himself in relationships and feel less “passive” in my life.

5. Sounds like what you really need is to learn more self-control and mindfulness. Look into mindfulness practices like meditation and start reading and learning about stoicism.

   P.S. meditation isn’t inherently religious (I’m a pretty staunch atheist and have benefitted from the practice for a decade), it is about learning to control your thoughts and limit or push away intrusive thoughts and emotions. It’s okay to be sad, mad, upset, etc, but you should be able to recognize those emotions and choose how much to allow them to wash over you or wash away based on your needs in the moment.

6. If I can give you a secret about confidence or taking thing very serious, it’s *that half the time we’re faking it*. I’ve had family and friends point out that I can be a bit cocky, or really confident at times – but the fact is I’m forcing myself to behave that way because if I let doubt win then I can’t take care of my responsibilities effectively.

   Eventually you’ll actually be confident in what you’re doing, but you have to start somewhere.

   I don’t want to touch the alpha thing, because that’s a whole pot of shit that’s fed to men to give them an idea of what they ‘should be’ from society – particularly from other men with a mess of personal insecurity that they want to hide.

   Your ‘manhood’ should be more about doing what’s morally good and doing things right. Take care of your responsibilities, and earn yourself a positive reputation.

7. One option for a starting place is this –

   I liked what another Reddit commenter said about developing confidence…

   1. ⁠Get the negative voice in your head out of your head. I’m convinced that negative self-talk and obsessive ruminations lie at the core of a lack of self-confidence. That voice that tells you everyone thinks bad about you, you’re not good enough, you’re not…whatever, that voice is NOT you. It’s the enemy. When you hear that voice, tell it to shut up and get out. I mean that literally. Verbally tell that voice to shut up. Let your positive voice, or curious voice, or observant voice replace it. Anything but that voice. It HAS TO DIE!
   2. ⁠Accept your own death. This takes time, but it is essential. You are not going to live forever. And death is a real, tangible thing, not just some fantasy that will happen in the distant future. Your clock is ticking down to nothing and there’s no stopping it. So is the clock of the people you love. You’ll watch your parents die. Your grandparents. Your friends. They will be terrified, or in pain, or despondent. This WILL happen and nothing you say, think, or do can stop it. You must accept this as a truism and think of it whenever you can. And then accept that everything dies. Your happiness. Your pain. Your friendships. Your memories. All of it. Think of this too.
   3. ⁠Decide what you want your life to be. Once your inner voice is strong, and you know that all you have will leave you, you can choose what you want for yourself. If you are lucky enough to have a death bed, it is only your life you will look back upon. What anyone else thinks, does, or has will play no part in that. Did you find love? Did you enjoy your career? Did you see that beautiful place in the world? Did you satisfy your desires? Only you can answer these questions, and more importantly, only you can decide what questions matter to you.
   4. ⁠Know Yourself. Are you prone to anger? Have low emotional intelligence? Need a woman’s desire to feel whole? Are a terrible person but want to be better? Only you can know these things. Integrity is looking at yourself, and the world, without blinders, and knowing both your strengths and failings. This is hard, and hard to distinguish from that negative voice. But a true, objective understanding of the self, without judgment, is essential. Without it you are living a lie, and confidence must come from reality, not fantasy.

   Once you do these things, you won’t have confidence, but you will be confident. What I mean is, confidence isn’t really a feeling by itself. Confidence is knowing yourself for what you really are, good and bad, knowing your desires, and living your life as you see fit. You aren’t acting with confidence as much as you are acting with purpose and ignoring anything else. Even if the entire world thinks you’re an imbecile, your sense of self and purpose will remain unchallenged and unmoved.

   Having confidence doesn’t mean you act like you have confidence and is not an end goal in itself. Confidence is a symptom of a greater, complete sense of self.

8. In your situation I don’t think the hotel should be to be more “alpha”, trying to be something you are not is not a good plan. Instead you need to focus on gaining control over your emotions, thoughts, and actions. A strong man isn’t necessarily the most masculine person in the room, it’s being in control of yourself and you’re own life and having confidence in yourself and your abilities. Start down a path of self improvement, not a path of trying to change who you are or your personality.

9. >I’m into being an alpha but except that part of being an asshole to everyone and treating woman bad blah blah ,

   you are not into being alpha, you perceive a benefit to being obnoxious and want the benefits

10. Take the lead and practice saying ‘no’

11. Fake it till you make it. Don’t be yourself, if being yourself isn’t working then being yourself won’t work in the future either. You sound like you have self control issues, try to fake ambivalence. If something upsets you don’t show it and with time you’ll get better at it

12. Masculinity is about having or pursuing virtue. At least in the eyes of stoicism. Virtue is all about balance. The middle ground between an excess and a lack there of. Putting on an act of being dominant isn’t actually becoming masculine and usually leads to excess because deep down you know it’s fake. What you need to work on is self acceptance, fortitude and courage. You don’t need to personify something you are not to stand up for yourself. Work on things like your physical health and communication skills should help you build confidence.

13. Just a question but are you comfortable in yourself? Ie is part of the issue that you feel that in certain situations you cant handle them therefore almost get a weird form of anger? I started at hema, sword fighting, hand to hand etc, it’s an active hobby and I can feel my body getting more relaxed.
    Maybe try dancing, it will get you used to taking the lead but not forcefully and help you get more comfortable in yourself.

14. You are maybe a kind and introverted person. That’s fine and good. Don’t feel pressured to fit into society’s mold. Just be yourself and there is power in that.

15. eat a steady diet of raw meat and whiskey that youve fermented and distilled yourself from the tears of your enemies.

    on your days off, go to the local zoo and arm wrestle
    the grizzley bears.

    when you change a tire on your car, dont use a jack like a wuss, just use your god given muscle.

    rip the sleeves off all of your shirts and hoodies..youve got guns, the world needs to see them..concealed carry is for wimps.

16. First off, being an “alpha” male doesn’t mean you need to be an asshole.

    Many alphas are simply smart and confident, and it may come off as arrogant in many people trying to project confidence when there really isn’t, but the fundamentals of being alpha, have nothing to do with being a dick head.

    They say “be yourself” because that is where you should be the Most comfortable and when you are comfortable, you are the most confident.

    You want to command respect by acting more confident. The best way to do this, is to actually be confident about something.

    Most people improve this by making themselves a “project” and start improving in the areas you think that you might need to improve. Many people work out and lose weight, others get advance degrees, some people make an extra effort in physical appearance and fashion.