Background: 30M met 28M on an app, recently met in person. He’s quite introverted, I’m a bit more extroverted. Conversation seemed good, even if a little awkward in person, and we texted quite a bit after. Things seemed to be going really well.
Now for what’s confusing me and causing me to spiral a bit. We don’t live local, and he’s not a good texter. At all. This is fine and was established early on as just him being a poor texter and not a sign he isn’t interested, but in the case of looking to date someone longer distance, it’s hard. He’ll go several days at a time without messaging, which – again- is fine. He seems engaged when we converse, so that part doesn’t worry me so much. He recently seemingly randomly added me on a social app, which to me is a signal he’s interested in maintaining a connection, but aside from brief conversation when he added me, hasn’t even opened a single message. I’m confused because on one hand, I’m sure I’m reading WAY too much into it because I really like him. On the other, if someone is interested, would they completely ignore them for multiple days? Then again, if they weren’t interested in being social, would they add socials without any prompting at all?
I’m altogether overthinking this and putting myself into a spiral. I’m also really guarded because I have a lot of abandonment trauma, and this activates me pretty heavily, but I also genuinely like this guy from what I’ve seen. Does this sound like a situation where I should just move on?
EDIT: Proofreading titles is hard…
1 comment
Hey, since I’ve only daten woman in the past, I will try to respond if this happened to me by a girl since I’ve 0 knowledge about man-man dating.
The introvert girls I go on dates are usually really shy, and you really need to make them feel comfortable before they will open up during the conversation. As u stated that he was shy, maybe he is doubting that you liked him either. This usually can take anywhere from an hour to weeks depending on their past dating experiences or negative life experiences.
For me if they state that they don’t like texting, I usually prefer to talk via a call, and if they refuse that as well, then I usually ask them how are we going to move forward with this type of communication and depending on the answer, I mark them as ‘red’ or ‘green’ flag.
One more fact not to miss on the topic is, sometimes people have bad times(not bad days like weeks and weeks of depression) and they want to close themselves from the outside world. Since he is texting you is a good sign, and since you guys have not built a ‘relationship’ yet, he might feel insecure to tell you about his problems.
As a final, if you admire him, then give him a phonecall and talk about your feelings.
If not, then move on to another person because as an overthinker myself, the stuiped scenerios that go though your mind is painful.