I still remember people form high-school that used to pick on me or whatever. In college I don’t have run ins with those people but I guess I am still a bit traumatized. Due to my old experiences in hs I deal with a lot of social anxiety. Do people change a lot and become less judgemental with age or do they just learn to hide it better?
11 comments
Some people change for the better, some change for the worse, some people stay the same.
I was picked on a lot in high school. Moving away from my hometown helped with social anxiety. I was able to start over from scratch and reinvent myself completely.
High school me wouldn’t recognize how outgoing and confident I am.
I think it’s fair to say that everyone changes. It just varies from person to person how much they change. There’s never going to be an exact answer to the way people change or how much.
It depends on the person.
However, after high school the world gets bigger, so you aren’t forced into an environment with the same few people every day. High school also contains everyone from the community (aside form the few drop outs), where as college is a smaller bunch that have at least some values in common.
As you get older and meet more people, you spend time with people who share your values… which are generally not the bullies. If paths do cross with someone who has those tendencies, you generally aren’t around them enough for it to turn into anything.
There are still a lot of judgmental people out there. Age doesn’t always change that. But they aren’t going to shove you in a locker.
By your 30’s, people have much more going on than what they had when they were teenagers. Work, families, spouses. Yes most become less judgmental but also they don’t have the time to be. Whenever you think everyone is noticing a minor detail about yourself, 99/100 times they aren’t.
​
And yes, people change. I did.
I just stay away from high school peeps. My life is different now. I really could care less how they turned out.
Success is the best revenge.
Leviathan 13:14
Most people change due to being older and more understanding of the world. Some bullies realize they were asses so they become better people. There are a select few who are asses forever. These are the ones who are cringe. Others just change just a bit, e.g., milder airiness but still airy enough to avoid. Some who were asses become really nice people and can become your close friends as adults. Others develop authority from experience. For example, I have high school mates who have become ambassadors and national undersecretaries or senators. But short answer is yes, most do change. Whether for better or worse is a different question.
Pretty general question here and different people may or may not ever come to some sort of “rationalization” of their impact on the rest of the world around them. Generally speaking, if you are not mentally impaired in some way, you “grow up” as you get older. This means you maybe taking more responsibility for yourself, or don’t just pick on random people, knowing good and well if you pick the wrong person they could potentially end your life.
Case in point, one of the dudes I considered to be a real asshole in school and picked on everyone has been in prison for the past 10 years. Another guy that was his best friend is now a youth pastor that is genuinely one of the nicest and most generous person I know. If you ask him about it, he will tell you he has a lot of making up to do for how he acted as a kid/young adult.
We all evolve over time to one degree or another. Our scars and successes keep adding to and changing our world view.
To answer your specific question, I do think that people become less judgmental and more empathetic with age. But, it doesn’t happen over night, and the folly of youth lasts well into our twenties, and in many cases our thirties.
I will say this though … I have found it very easy to slide back in to my high school persona when I see people from high school.
As many have said, some do and some don’t.
I’ve recently connected with a “popular girl” in high school who I don’t even think knew I existed. Since we’ve both had kids she’s now interacting and speaking to me more. I find it strange, but willing to accept it.
A few friends also have flipped on me. Rivals became friends over time, and friends dropped off and disappeared. It happens. That’s life.