As the title says, I’m 31 and have never broken up with anyone before. I’ve dated other women and even have been married once. Even in my marriage where I was cheated on, it took my wife essentially ending things as I tried to make them better. I just could never work up the courage to break up with one of my girlfriends or wife before, I’d always just wait until they pulled the trigger. This time is going to be different.

I’ve been dating my now girlfriend for just over a year, actually, 1 year and 1 month today. She’s really a nice girl. Friendly, nice, charming.. just good qualities all around. However, I’m very, very bored with our relationship. I could get into details here, but, I’ll spare you all the reading. Besides, I’m not looking to change my mind or anything. I’m more here to share that I’m happy I’m going to finally take a stand for myself and do what’s best for me in these situations. I’ve been thinking about it for a few weeks now and it’s been bearing down on me pretty bad. I’m just not happy and know what I need to do. I brought it up to her today, initially over text to be honest, and then I suggested we talk about it after work. She got home and I brought it up again and she got a little defensive and brought up some problems she had with me but then left to go see some friends and said we can talk about it later. Anyways… when she gets home I’m going to break the news.

I thought about trying to fix things but, I’ve been in a very boring relationship before with my ex-wife and I don’t want to do it again. I know what I want out of a relationship and I haven’t gotten that over the last year, so, it’s time to make a change.

I hope this isn’t coming off as bragging and I’m not trying to put her down at all here.. I’m honestly just very, very proud of myself for doing this finally (well, in a few hours) at 31. Really feels empowering on my end and I’m excited for what’s to come. Thanks for listening fellow 30-something year olds (and the others that are here too (:

32 comments

  1. Let us know how it goes! I know where you’re coming from, I have only ever been broken up with… I like to hang in there through the agony lol so I support you doing what you know is best.

  3. Be prepared to feel like you made the biggest mistake breaking up. Try not to engage in those thoughts

  4. Please share the aftermath. Also, as others said, do not linger on the intrusive thoughts that you made an error. You’ve had time to dwell on and cement this decision. Own it. You’ll be better for it.

    Good luck

  7. This is the scariest thing for me as a lady, once the man is bored they usually leave the relationship

  8. Just being honest you’re probably bored because she is 21 years old, that’s a huge age gap to expect being on the same page emotionally. This can be avoided next time.

  9. This takes a lot of courage and I’m proud of you. Working myself up to coming to this realization/state of mind myself. Stay strong and know there’s a better future out there brother.

  10. If you are going to let her down that is fine , don’t be a douche who like messages her on her birthday etc telling her you miss her. or saying you miss the ‘good old days’ If her heart is still yearning for you. It will just hurt her more. Don’t string her along on nights you are feeling ‘bored’ being a ‘close friend’

    If you are going to break, be truthful, be respectful, be as brief as you can make it. Over a year you guys probably share stuff in each others’ residences, get it sorted. Try to resolve it all quickly. Then go no contact, for her. If you care about her as a person and YOU initiated the breakup you should.

    Assuming you have mutual friends. That is part of the breakup too. People who are more ‘her friends’ should be less your friends. At least be responsible and minimize the cross talk.

    If a few YEARS pass and you want to initiate friend contact. Go for it.

  11. The thing with “boredom” is it’s usually healthy.

    All of your other “love” sounds like it was toxic and unhealthy, where you had to convince someone to love you appropriately.

  13. Ahhh, so you’re dating someone fresh out of their teens when y’all met, eh?

    Makes sense. Predators are bored easily.

    Too old, perhaps?

  14. If it isn’t meant to be, and all you can do is think about breaking up- then it’s probably more than “being bored” and more of a compatibility thing. Even chemistry honestly-

  15. If you knew what you wanted and you weren’t getting it out of the relationship, why would you let that relationship drag on for a year? Are you dating her with the expectation that she would “grow into” giving you what you wanted?

    I feel as though that 3-6 month period is where you start to know what you’re getting with someone.

  16. I’m in the same boat, but we’re 10 years older. I’m extrovert, she’s introvert. I like loud rock, she likes quiet Korean drama. I like naughty girls, she likes “no public affection”. That’s only the top of iceberg. So I understand you.

  17. It sounds like you’re learning what you want and are growing. Good on you. Breaking up isn’t easy either. But you both deserve to be in a relationship with a partner who is as thrilled about you as you are them.

  18. congrats! this is a very important part of growing up. I too had a hard time with this. Its important to love yourself first and if you are not happy in the relationship, this is the right thing to do. This is one step away from passivity to assertiveness. Congrats again!

  19. Sounds like you groomed a young woman for your pleasure, got tired of her, and now want to get your rocks off. by dumping her. Seriously. Why are you excited to break up with someone that didn’t stand a chance against you. A 21 year old? You’re like a Lion eating a baby gazelle :/

  20. I don’t really understand the point of posting this if you aren’t looking for advice. It gives me a bad feeling. Regardless of what happened, there’s someone on the other end of this who is going to be really hurt and you seem nonchalant about it being proud of yourself. We don’t know the situation so you may be justified but posting about it seems Super insensitive.

  21. So you’ve decided in your head that this isn’t right because you’re bored. Okay. But have you tried talking to her about it? All relationships can get a little boring after a while, once the initial excitement wears off and it becomes routine. That’s when you bring up the fact that you’re bored. Maybe she is too. Maybe you spice things up! You can figure it out together.

    I ended MANY relationships after I came to the conclusion on my own that things weren’t working. It wasn’t until my current girlfriend that I learned the power of communication. Don’t get to be 42 years old like me before you figure it out.

  24. How is this relationship boring? Is it from the lack of sex you mentioned in a comment in another post? I mean, based on your post 5 months ago about you snooping on her phone and seeing sketchy texts between her and her guy friend, I’m shocked that you guys made it this long.

    I don’t take the viewpoint of most Redditors that large age gap relationships are inherently wrong and doomed to fail, but it is true that most women her age at 21 aren’t looking for anything too serious.

  26. Is the rest of your life going well? If so, good! Early 30s is a great time for a young man to date widely and gain more experience with women, and see the sort of one he’d like to end up with.

  28. Good luck! I hate breaking up with people. Frankly I’d much rather be broken up with, so much less stressful. But good for you for doing what needs to be done.

  30. You should be proud to have the courage to break up with someone. And all you have to say is no. No explanation is going to help. I’m 32M and I was in two long relationships where I knew for six months that I wanted to end it. Waited for them to do it tho. Now I’m in the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Been about 4 months

    Edit: Also I should note that I was single for three years before this girl I’m seeing now fell into my lap. I slept with a few and dated a couple girls but nothing serious. I didn’t settle for anything. I learned how to break up with someone. I had to break up with a FWB four times if that makes any sense. At one point a couple years ago I started seeing this really smoking hot and fun girl. Right up my alley. Then I got arrested and put on probation and I took myself out of the dating world because I felt like I still had some work to do before I could be fully whole and available for a relationship.

    I’m not crazy good looking. I’ve got a pretty good body and let’s face it, no one is completely happy with their face. I’ve never heard anyone give me less than a 7/10. And I’m not a player, not the best game in town. But low and behold one of the most attractive females I’ve ever seen asks me out. Turns out she’s fucking amazing.

    I’m not saying your story should be exactly like mine. Just that if you work on yourself and take care of yourself other people will notice that. Especially at our age. Also you should def date closer to your age. 21 is fun but that’s all it’s probably gonna be and obviously the fun wore out. You should learn to set boundaries

    If you haven’t seen it you should look up “The Crazy Hot Matrix” on YouTube. I think I found myself a real life unicorn. Or rather the unicorn found me

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