Me (22m) and my gf (22fm) have been together for 4 years. Lately I’ve been having thoughts of needing time alone and she has also expressed the thoughts of needing time to find herself. I recently made a job change and it has impacted us financially, we do live together, but she is a full time student and so I pay all the bills. This job change has put a lot of stress on her and myself. She is also going through some personal things as well. I proposed that we possibly break up to give each other time to work on ourselves. As she was packing I felt like I wasn’t doing the right thing because she is my bestfriend. So I really don’t know what to do. Any advice? We took a break for the night, but we are talking tomorrow about how to proceed.
3 comments
Take some time apart to find yourself. If you find someone else in that time, so be it. Otherwise, you can always go back to each other.
If you love them set them free. If they return, it was meant to be.
You don’t necessarily have to break up to give each other space. Talk it out if you just want a break from each other or an actual break up. You can take a break, but still stay together and support each other from a distance until you’re ready to get close again. But for that you both need to talk out what it means to you – e.g staying loyal to each other, how many times a week you meet etc. If finding yourself means sleeping with other people – then break up.
Remember that you’re going to be feeling these exact same feelings whenever you get married and are forced to be around someone in this same way.
My advice would be to figure it out. Space is good, yes. Maybe take a week off. Find some new boundaries to set to make sure you don’t lose your sense of identity. That’s all well and good.
But breaking up for these reasons alone will not help you learn how to deal with it when it happens in marriage.