Gf and I have been seeing each other for eight months. I was about a year out of a ten year relationship when we met, and she had been single for six years, so we had both been playing the tinder game and we’ve both slept with a lot of people before meeting which I understand and am not mad about, but we had a bit of an argument a few months ago about one of the people I had been sleeping with asking to hang out or go to lunch or walk her dog. She wasn’t comfortable with that, so I deleted that person’s contacts and haven’t spoken to her since. Onto the story…
I was lying in bed this morning while my girlfriend was letting the dog out and for some reason I had an urge to check her phone. I’ve never done that before and had trusted her completely until that point. I go to her Snapchat and the very first message is from a guy. I can’t see his message but her reply from yesterday is “I’m at work lol.”
I’m curious, so I scroll up and see saved messages from January (a week before we met) of them having sex, her blowing him, and other pics she had sent him).
I’m not mad about that, as I know it was before we met, but I just feel that after she blew up at me for talking to the girl I used to sleep with and me respecting her feelings on that and ceasing communication, like I was lied to.
She’s told me before about getting messages from guys she used to see about getting together but she tells them she has a boyfriend now, but she’s never mentioned getting messages off this guy before.
I do love her and trust her and don’t think she’s slept with anyone else since we’ve gotten together but seeing that Snapchat has put doubt in my mind.
I don’t want to end things and she’s explained over and over that they were friends for six years before ever sleeping together and that she didn’t even remember the videos existed and that she looks at him as just a friend but I can’t help feeling played.
When I asked what the difference was between her situation and mine was, she said that because I had met the girl messaging me off an app for sex, it was different because we weren’t friends before sleeping together, whereas she saw this guy as a friend who she had merely been fucking for a while and didn’t see him that way anymore.
I do trust her and love her but I can’t help but feeling really hurt right now. Any advice?
8 comments
I think you are getting played a bit. Tell her you want the same boundaries she expects from you and if she can’t do that it may be time to re evaluate everything.
She wants to tell you no but do it herself. Just meet and contact whomever you want, you don’t need her permission
The guy was a fwb. She thinks it’s ok to keep the f and get rid of the wb and it won’t matter. But obviously one of them wants the wb if those things are still saved. Her argument is dumb since she slept with the guy probably longer than you have been with her. Does the guy even know about you? Is she going to delete/ have him delete those things that are saved?
Your gut instincts are right. Draw boundaries immediately and ask her to respect them. If she breaks up instead of respecting your boundaries you know you dodged a bullet.
It’s a bit of a double standard imo.
Sex changes dynamics, you can’t un-fuck your friend.
I’ve had purely platonic friends that I’ve had sex with cause we were horny and single and the friendship is never JUST Platonic again, even if you don’t do anything.
Especially considering they took and saved videos/pics that he and/or her are keeping for a reason.
She’s not that loyal to you. Downgrade her as fwb or dump her. She’s not wife material.
>some reason I had an urge to check her phone. I’ve never done that before and had trusted her completely until that point.
Yeah, this doesn’t make sense.
It’s a good idea to follow your gut feelings And see where things really are.
I think her answer was very glib but at the same time, it really didn’t answer your underlying question. For all you know, this girl that you met off an app for sex could have became your friend down the road. That is not all that different than the situation that she’s in with this guy.
I’d take her answer with a grain of salt.