Today I posted a photo on my private Instagram story and it had the slightest hint of the guy I’m dating in it – but I covered him with an emoji.
He then made a joke that I was “protecting his identity”.
And I instantly took it down because I thought he was angry at me.
My ex was so adamant about never publicly showing each other on social media and would call me crazy if I even commented on his posts. I just have it in my head that guys never ever want to be seen with me or connected with me. That it’s embarrassing for them. Or that I’m embarrassing myself.
And if I do it, I’m going to be punished.
But today this new guy I’m dating said “why would I be angry at you? You just did something cute”
It is kinda weird to unlearn beliefs.
27 comments
You’re exactly who I’m trying to be with right now except in regards to other situations. She would double text me and assume I’m angry because I haven’t replied in hours, but it’s just the fact of the matter that I have meetings at work. Just as the guy you’re dating is trying to reassure you he really means it. I’m sorry you had to go through the abuse, but I’m willing to bet that new guy has so much love to give you. Heal and accept that from it
How are the therapy sessions going?
He didn’t want to be on your social media or have you comment on his posts because he wanted to keep the impression to other people that he is single. He probably wasn’t faithful (your ex)
Isn’t it liberating? Glad you found someone you can share to the world. Have fun!
Assuming makes an ass of you and me
Awww I love this and can’t wait for the same feeling congrats on leaving and moving on I know how hard that is! You deserve a great guy who wants to be all over your social media!
Its kinda of fucked to be with/date guys who are assholes..
Glad u found a good one.
I’m 1 year into healthy relationship Tuesday after leaving my abusive fiancé last July. Old habits die hard, I’m so grateful to have such a supportive and patient partner.
I mean not all guys are abusive and any reasonable person doesn’t really care if you post them on social media or not.
For me, I don’t post much and I think it’s easier if you don’t because the less people who know your business, the less bullshit you deal with but that is just my opinion.
I can understand where you are coming from though. My ex’s ex made her feel so stupid for having simple emotions like sadness, anger etc. She felt like she wasn’t allowed to express herself and when she got upset with me, instead of communicating like I wanted her to, she would shut down and bottle it up which of course just made things worse. I told her early on that I don’t play that game and if she has an issue with me or something I said/did, she needs to speak up. I don’t care how dumb the issue is or how dumb she thinks I think it’s going to be. It could be the dumbest thing in the world too but if it bothered her, I wanted to know. How can I ensure I don’t repeat that behaviour if she didn’t tell me? Eventually we got past all the crap her ex tried to pull and got her to talk like an adult and everything was so much better for it. Once we were able to be super open and talk about literally anything bugging us without fear of judgement or the other person getting super defensive, the relationship was amazing…..
What blows my mind now is there are so many people out there in such shitty relationships and social media has normalized being in toxic ones so much that when someone finally gets into a healthy one, they’re suspicious…..
The last girl I briefly dated kept asking me “are you always this sweet?” And all I could say is “this is how I act all the time. I’m not putting on a show or acting right now, I’m just being me. Do I have my moments where I’m angry or going to get upset? Most likely……. but this is me.” She ended up using me for sex and then dipped at her first chance and never talked to me again…….
Glad you found a good one! From my experience, if a man keeps his girl a secret on social media, he’s 100% cheating and trying to make it seem like he’s single.
There’s a difference between keeping your relationship private and never mentioning your s/o whatsoever.
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by the sounds of it, bro doesn’t want you to hide his face/blur him out
you’re not supposed to blur out the person you’re dating
It certainly can be hard OP 🤗 Look after yourself OP!
Most men aren’t out here to oppress you. If you can see the signs of an abuser, run.
Good for you!
WE LOVE A GROWING QUEEN!
Unlearning that shit is HARD but so worth it. My partner makes me so so happy, and unlearning all the shit my ex left me with has made my present relationship the happiest of my life. It’s genuinely amazing
My fiance used to date trash. Ya know, that guy in THAT band. The guy that does drugs and drinks a lot. The guy that punches walls. He has cigarette burns in all his clothes. Most definitely cheating on her.
She was understandably concerned about me when we started talking. She literally asked me what’s wrong with me. I told her plenty. But, thanks to my lawyer, I’m going to get a huge settlement. I love you Kenn Nunn! She laughed. (She’s a bit on the big girl side.) She knows she is jaded and broken. Most guys that stay with her needed a place to stay. Here comes a good looking man. I have a job making 58k a year. I don’t talk to women. Single father of a teenage girl. I have soul custody of her. I’m kind and generous. I take her on dates. I buy her expensive things. I fixed all the doors that her ex kicked in. I fixed the dishwasher and washer and dryer that have been broken for years. I fixed up the front a back yards. Planted flowers and did a lot of landscaping. She still kept me at arms length.
After dating a few months she asked me to move out of my house and move into hers. When her birthday came around I got her a pocket watch and an engagement ring. Quite a few other things as well. We’ve been engaged a year now. I’ve never been this happy before. Yet, she still keeps me on the back burner knowing it could all end or I could get mad about something stupid like, he waking me up. ( Who gets mad about that!?)
Tldr I talk too much. You found a keeper
I’ve been going through similar realizations too! My ex wasn’t abusive but he sure was an asshole. Isn’t it so nice and liberating to meet kind people? Happy for you!
You might need to talk to someone to work through the issues from your previous relationship so it doesn’t affect your current one.
My GF projected issues from her previous relationships onto me when we first started dating and denied it the few times I brought it up. I chose to drop the issue and just prove to her that I was nothing like her exes.
Recently she confessed that she was doing that to me early on, but eventually realized that I was a good guy and nothing like the exes. It took her a little over a year to lower her guard and really open up to me.
Weird. I went the complete opposite direction. My ex would insist that I post her constantly. Now, I don’t like posting couple pictures at all. Every time I see a couple picture, I just cringe like, “one of them must be forcing them to post.”
The last girl I dated was in a 14 year marriage with a man that was incredibly manipulative and controlling. I was always shocked by her reactions when I would just say or do simple, nice things. Like if I let her pick a movie for us to watch, or went to her favorite restaurant, she would literally ask me “why are you so nice and sweet to me all the time??” It’s a shame.
Is not wanting to be shown on social media abusive? I don’t want my girlfriend posting me on social media
Yessss holy sh*t yessss
I’m unlearning SOOOOO much right now and it’s brutal because it’s sooooo much and I honestly didn’t realize how much crap I have to un-learn. It’s wild. And even more mind-blowing that he’s remained so patient as I’ve been learning and undoing old habits
“This New Guy” ??? , why u tryin to hide his identity ..
Obv jk
I still get frightened when my boyfriend asks me to do something for him (I donno, pick him up from a party, grab him something from the shops, sort out a chore) and for whatever reason I can’t do it.
I panic! In the first instance I will try to move heaven and earth or do it and often there will be tears, always fear. I do this quietly because I’m terrified and trying to not tell him that I can’t.
When it finally comes to the fact that I just can’t make it happen I am normally beside myself. I steel my courage to tell him, choking back tears and certain that this is it, and he just smiles and says it’s not a big deal.
He doesn’t know what I go through, he has no idea that I have all of these feelings smashing around in my head, wreaking havoc and telling lies.
One day I’ll have the courage to tell him.
It’s such a strange feeling isn’t it. A mixture of happiness and confusion. I’m 3 years out of an abusive relationship and 18 months into a healthy one. (We live together). We went out for dinner just the other week and I asked him if I could order a steak. He said would you like a steak. I said yeah but is that ok? He said my darling you can have whatever you want. I nearly cried. Something so normal and it made me so happy.
unlearning toxic behavior is the hardest part of a healthy relationship . just remember it takes time , hold yourself accountable , reflect , and work on changing behavior . therapy helps a ton because abuse and gaslighting practically rewire the way your brain thinks