In a nonexistent perfect world, this partner would likely pass before the kid(s) are \~30 give or take.
I was set-up with a man this age. We’ve gone on some dates and I am growing very fond of him. He has grown children but wants to have another one. I have come to terms that given my age (just turned 34) only one is likely in the cards. I would be very grateful for just one. I’ve also always wanted to adopt a child in addition to one bio kid, perhaps an older child as I hear it’s harder for them to be adopted. Lots of love to give here.
I just don’t want to fall in love with him if this is a bad idea all around. I like to think long-term with dating now. If future plans don’t align I like to move on before wasting anymore of his/my time.
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So my first question would be: why does a man that age want to have a baby when he has grown children?
Has he told you why?
yes, I think it is selfish and unwise and all the negative adjectives. forget how old the kid would be when he passes. would he be able to run around and keep up with a toddler? would he be have the energy to play with a rambunctious kindergartner day in and day out? would he be able to take a middle schooler to boy scouts/girl scouts or soccer games? would he be able to help them move into their college dorms? you’d be effectively depriving them of an active parent for most of their life, and regardless of how “young at heart” he may feel now, aging happens fast. furthermore, you’d be depriving yourself of an active partner in all of those messy, hard, draining parts of child rearing. I read an advice column letter once about a nanny who took care of twin toddlers for a mom who had had them via surrogate in her sixties. while the mom was able to hold a job and take care of herself, she was just too tired to do anything with the kids. she couldn’t play, she couldn’t take them to the zoo, she couldn’t have random dance parties in the kitchen. she paid the nanny to not only care for the kids, but do all the fun stuff, and that’s heartbreaking.
Damn, I’m 53 & would never consider it. I was snipped a few years after my second was born, so around 36. I still had energy to run around & do all the fun stuff as they were growing up – now they’re both over 20 I’m happy being relaxed, having done my best, despite the subsequent divorce.
I was with a younger partner (who already had one child) from 45 – 50, & she always said she’d like another. We separated after 5 years so she still had time to find a new partner & get pregnant. She managed that within a few months which made me very happy for her.
My grandfather did this with his current wife.
He’s been sick (returning cancer and other age related issues) almost 20 years of my young uncles 30 year life. My uncle has zero respect for him and it really makes me sad that ‘pa is in his finally years and his youngest child truly hates him.
These kids *average* to be the least disciplined in school. Bratty, acting out, etc. (Please note that I said the average).
I have seen a few instances where it has worked but the younger mother is clearly a single *married* parent. It requires a tribe or much effort from the younger parent.
If your clock is ticking and you’re committed, I’d say go for it. Just understand your situation.
He has a breeding fetish. He wants to keep himself feeling sexually powerful and you’re a means to that end. That’s all there is to it.
My Dad passed away at 66, so yes I would advise against having a child with someone over 60 when you are 34. For some more background info I was 30 when he passed and am currently 34.
You would be doing all of the work, as he is too old and tired to do a lot of running around. Aside from that, most people don’t make it past their 60’s, so he could pass and then your a single mom. Finally, there is a lot of research that shows that sperm degrades with age, and the likelihood of having a child with abnormalities increases exponentially. It’s just not a great idea in any way, I’m afraid.
I don’t know if it’s selfish, wrong, and bad but I would be concerned about his age and genetic issues, autism, etc.
I do think hus energy for a child is an important factor. Not just toddlers but teenagers. My friend’s dad was in his 70s when she was in her teens and she described him as very unsupportive and frustrated with her as a teen when she developed an eating disorder. They mended things but he died. around the time she was early 20s. He did get to see her get married but not sure he met her first child. There may be a lot of milestones he would likely miss. Only you can decide if you’re okay with that.
As for not having a dad or you doing most of the work, I can’t speak on that because I’m pursuing single motherhood by choice.
I imagine it would be similar. My dad is 62 and he said he could help a bit but doesn’t have the energy to watch my child full-time or anything. My mom is turning 60 and though she adores my nephew, she was pretty exhausted with him when he was a toddler, which was when she was only in her mid-50s. Both my parents are pretty “young” and youthful in many ways but age does slow you down.
You also may have trouble fitting in with other parent groups of people your own age or even younger! I have also considered this as a hopeful single mom who will be at least 40 with my first child. It’s not a dealbreaker, but means I’ve had to do some extra work to find a community for myself and my child.
Additionally, in my situation even though I would prefer 1 child, I will likely try for 2. Because I’m a bit older and there may not be a dad, I want my kid to have a sibling. This is something to consider yourself, depending on your relationship with your husbands children and grandchildren.
These are are important things to take into consideration before you make this decision.
I also cannot fathom a 60 year old wanting another child. For what purpose? My parents are now in their 60s and love the days or hours they spend with little ones but absolutely cannot manage them full time anymore, and would rather relish in their free time and retirement now. I would wonder how much heavy lifting a 60 year old can reasonably do in raising a child 0-18 (him 60-78) or if he has even thought of it. I wonder how hands on he was with his children when he was younger.
Where as, unlike most of Reddit, I dont have a problem with a 45 year old man having kids..fathering kids past 50 is irresponsible. Let alone 60
Why the hell would you put a child through the potential trauma of losing a father at a probably very young age?! If your child starts school, the father will be around 68. If your child goes to college, the father will be around 80. If your child turns 30, the father will be… not around anymore unless he’ll live to see 90. Can you imagine how cruel this would be for a child? Their friends celebrating their weddings, birthdays, milestones, etc. with their parents while your child‘s father is six feet under?! Or to not be so dramatic: Young children want to play, they want to move, etc. Older people just can’t keep up with them anymore. Honestly, I can’t fathom how anyone thinks having a child in their 60s is a good idea.