Hi I’m 17M and almost finished high school, I’m 5’3 and super short. Not particularly fit or anything, no girls have ever found me attractive like ever. When I go out usually with my family, I get way too nervous around girls working in stores and I can’t even test fit my shoes comfortably cuz the saleswoman was super pretty and nice, I just feel like every single gesture that I do girls will see me as a boring ass person and just weird overall. Any advice not to get too nervous around girls?
3 comments
pro tip, no stranger is ever judging you unless you’re doing questionable stuff. Everyone is mostly minding their own business or trying to get along with their day, once you stop being self cautious about how to act or be when around a girl then you’ll do just fine.
Damm,we are same..
Your experiences in high school are generally not a good gauge of attractiveness, social ability, or long term chances at friendship/romance/etc.
The most important thing to remember is that women are individual people just like you. Many of them (regardless of how attractive they look) are also struggling with anxiety and insecurities. They are not in the world to either reject you or approve of you, they are living their own complex existences. The woman at the shoe store does not care what you look like, she is just doing her job.
You should work to internalize this by reminding yourself ‘shes just a person, and she isn’t here to judge me’ when you’re around women. It may also help to intentionally put yourself in mixed gender social spaces. DO NOT do this with the intention of dating, just with the intention of getting to know women. Once you start to have female friends it’s much easier to see us all as individuals and recognize that we aren’t out to get you. In turn, later on you will have an easier time dating because you will better understand how to talk to women comfortably.
I hope this helps, I know it can be difficult to struggle with self-worth and social anxiety. We’ve also engineered a social system that discourages in-person interactions and dehumanizes people by only showing picture perfect and curated experiences through social media. This means your situation is very common, and you don’t need to be ashamed of your feelings. Just work to be self aware, and intentionally challenge your own negative thought processes.