My best friend and I, both 18 year old girls, have been friends since we were 15. I’ve been coming to her house for years and for a long period of time I spent more time at her house than my own house. I basically became part of the family. My friends parents are married and still live together with their 6 kids. I’ve slowly grown closer to her parents over time but I get along with her dad a lot more. Her dad has always been fond of me.
The other day there was a birthday party at their house for my best friends 18th birthday. There was mainly family and friends there and we were all drinking. I was talking to a lot of different people throughout the night, but later in the night I was talking to my friends dad. We were both drunk. It started off where he was telling me how nice and genuine I am and how I’m a credit to my parents which was really sweet. Then he was saying I was amazing and kind and all these things. That was grand, I went off talking to others then talked to him again about 30 minutes later. We were sitting outside, he offered me lots of joints (basically everyone there smokes weed), he started saying that I am amazing and such a nice person and we were having a good conversation and he started saying that if he was my age he would date me. A bit awkward but it was OK. He started calling me beautiful and gorgeous and basically complimenting me non stop. Tbh they seemed genuine like I didn’t think he was saying it for some ulterior motive or something like that. He said the comment about wanting to date me multiple more times throughout the night saying if we were the same age he’d drop everything to be with me.
The next morning he was texting me a lot and said “If I was your age, I would do everything, absolutely everything to make you mine. You are beautiful and adorable and attractive”. He kept saying we had a really strong connection last night and all. I just kept saying thank you cos I didn’t know what else to say but I was uncomfortable at this point. He even said at the end is it OK if I text you more often and I just said yeah cos I didn’t know what to say. Then he said “thank you xxxxx”. The texting conversation went on for like 2 hours so he said a lot but basically repeating himself.
Hes always been affectionate with me but not like this, it’s weird. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to tell my friend and make everything awkward for everyone, but at the same time it’s creeping me out a little.
TD;LR summary
My best friend and I are both 18 year old females. I always hang out at her house, I know her family very well. Her parents are married and live together with 6 kids. Always got along well with her dad but there was a birthday party at their house the other day where we were all drunk. Her dad kept complimenting me non stop, saying multiple times he wishes he was my age so he could date me, and calling me beautiful and attractive. He texted me the next morning for about 2 hours just constantly complimenting me and flirting with me.
24 comments
Unfortunately, this is common. My girls had the same problem & still do. Dude is a creep. I bet his family would be disappointed and not shocked. Image of your daughter was raised with a man that hit on her once “legal”
I’m sure he will find ways to speak to you & offer you more alcohol.
Tell your best friend. She what she thinks.
Complete bs & I hate you have to go thru this… not all men suck & are untrustworthy, just this one.
Also, stay away from her house. This is just the beginning. He wants to see how far he can go without getting caught.
It will become dangerous for you.
Block his number for starters. Don’t go over to her house anymore. This is predatory and creepy behavior.
You should tell your friend because this is not okay. You’ve been at these people’s house a lot and instead of protecting you he’s looking to exploit. I will literally be 42 when my kid is 18 and would never dream of doing this. She’s a cute kid, her friends are too but I literally see them as kids and under my protection. Also, stop drinking and doing drugs around him.
Let me tell you something it took me years to learn:
His (totally inappropriate) attraction to you is NOT YOUR FAULT!
Young women are constantly told they are responsible for men’s feelings and behavior, while also being taught that enforcing boundaries of any kind is “rude”. This, frankly, is bullshit.
I would recommend telling whatever adults in your life you feel you can trust. And remember: this man is putting you in a terrible position on purpose, and you owe him nothing.
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Tell your friend. Iām close to this manās age and find his actions absolutely disgusting. Also, next time he texts you say āI find your advances extremely inappropriate and creepy. Stop immediately or there will be consequencesā.
Also, do not be alone with this man in the future or accept drugs from him.
Creepy ass old man. You should tell your friend. Block him on everything and avoid drinking/smoking weed around him. Who knows what he might try. Fucking gross old man.
Iām his age and the thought of hitting on an 18yo makes me sick. Idgaf if the law says theyāre adults, theyāre children in my eyes.
Block his number. Tell your friend you donāt feel comfortable in her house anymore. Whether or not you tell her why is up to you. Tell your parents. Show them the text messages. Hopefully they will confront him for you and tell his wife as well, in case there have been other cases like this.
Please tell your parents, I would want my own kids to tell me if this happened, please block him on your phone
1.I would not accept food/drinks from him again in the future.
2.This is just the beginning and he would not stop at just complimenting and texting you.
3.You can hang out with your friend at your place instead of hers.
[4](https://4.Do). Do not be around him alone again as he seems desperate.
This is not your fault. You didnāt encourage this by being friendly or close. You trusted him as a *parent*. Not your fault heās gross.
You need to tell your parents. First.
From there the next person you should talk to is: your friendās mom. His wife. Before your friend. You arenāt going behind your friendās back by doing so. Consider, this is an issue started by an adult and should be resolved and handled by adults. And this is her spouse behaving this way. Let her get on it first.
Iād be clear: you are coming to her (your friends mom) because you are scared. Heās never acted like this and suddenly heās completely changed his character. Show her the texts proactively. Explain the reason you havenāt told your friend yet is because you feel this is best handled by adults (ie her). Explain you are trying to assume positive intent but heās making it hard to do so. Explain you donāt want to put her in any difficult position but as a teenager you donāt know how to handle this, especially because youāve never encouraged anything like this.
If ANYONE tries to blame you, you reject that sh** immediately. āNo, I am not responsible for his actions. No, a teenager is not responsible for leading on a grown man. I saw him as a parent. He took advantage of that trustā on repeat.
He should think of you as a second daughter. Think of how young you were when he met you and now he is saying this? Itās really disgusting. I would avoid him as much as possible.
Tell him to back off and he is creeping you out.
>He even said at the end is it OK if I text you more often and I just said yeah cos I didn’t know what to say.
Man did I get a chuckle out of this. You could have just said no? Like you basically had a 50/50 chance, yes or no, and you took yes! Why??
Honey, this guy wants to fuck you. Heās feeling you out via these texts because he does have an ulterior motive, youāre 18 and he views you as fair game now.
Your friendās house is unfortunately no longer safe. Stop responding to his texts and donāt go over there anymore. Someone who aggressively hits on his daughterās teenage friend is not someone you can trust, he will probably try to take things further and you need to protect yourself first and foremost.
you block his number and show your friend what he said and tell her it makes you uncomfortable because heās being a predator and tell your parents
The thing is, he knows exactly what heās doing. He knows youāre inexperienced and his compliments are out of pocket. All you have to do is ask him if itās ok for you to share your text message conversations with his wife and daughter.
His motive is to have an affair with you. It’s not very ulterior. This is fairly early on in this process, so if I were you…
If you want it to stop, I would tell him so through text. Seeing that in text will remind him that the texts could be used as evidence or shown to his family. You can then just start to subtly interact with him less at gatherings, or avoid him altogether if you want. You can even start imagining what you’ll say if anyone else notices it NOW, so when it happens, you have a plausible reason.
Best case scenario, he freaks out and makes some half-assed apology and stops, and learns how much he has to lose.
Bad case, he continues and you have to tell his family.
Worst case, he keeps it up and may escalate.
Frankly, someone his age wanting to date someone your age is not a good sign about his mentality. Imagine wanting to date someone who is 12 at your current age. This isn’t to say you’re not mature, but just think how different you will be and all you hope to experience between 18 and 42. Part of his attraction is getting to you before you have all those experiences.
He is a creep.
Itās terrifying , itās difficult , and big changes in dynamics you know right now will most likely change ā but keeping this to yourself is only bringing more damage to yourself , and enabling a man like this. Your parents, your friend, another trusted adult , someone needs to know before this man puts you in a position you yourself are unable to get out of. He knows what heās doing , and itās sickening. At 18 the idea of losing your friend might feel insurmountable , but I can promise you no one on this planet is worth sacrificing or compromising yourself like this.
First off, don’t ever be afraid to say what you mean. He wants to sleep with you and he’s testing the waters to see how receptive you are. He’s going to gradually get more and more suggestive, testing and pushing your boundaries until he gets what he wants. And because you’ve told him that it’s OK, he has no reason to stop. So this is only going to get worse until you put your foot down.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of men out there who operate this way. They rely on girls choosing to just accept it and let it happen rather than be rude or mean. And they target girls your age because you’re less likely to be able to see this for what it is and less likely to put your foot down and stop it. This is manipulative and predatory behaviour. They’re trying to make you feel like the bad guy for saying no when in reality, they’re the bad guy for putting you in this position to begin with.
So don’t be afraid to be mean. Don’t be afraid to be rude. Don’t be afraid to scream bloody murder if that’s what it takes. Stand up for yourself and don’t let anyone manipulate you into doing anything you don’t want to do. If you want him to stop, tell him to stop. Be clear and be firm.
Finally, I want to remind you that you never owe anybody an explanation for why you want or don’t want something. ‘No’ is a complete sentence. This goes for everything and not just creepy guys. Every time you give someone a reason for a decision you’ve made, it’s human nature to want to argue that reason. Manipulative people are especially good at tearing down your reasons in an attempt to get you to do what they want. So if you absolutely do not want to debate it, then don’t provide a reason.
Thanks everybody for replying. When I wrote this I expected everyone to say I was misinterpreting it or something but I see now that I’m not. He must have been planning this for a long time because he’s always been really interested in me and giving me hugs and giving me free stuff but I didn’t think of it as weird at the time. He knows that I’m insecure and shy and I don’t get compliments very often so I suppose he’s using that to his advantage. Such a shame to think that he wasn’t just being nice for the sake of being nice
Stay away from their home. When he text you just text back PLEASE STOP! Keep the text in case stuff blows up.
What a dick.
I single dadded my 2 girls from the time they were 7 and 9. By the time the oldest was in 11th grade, 2 of her friends had HUGE crushes on me. One of them even tried to get into my bed one night when she was spending the night. The other, while talking to me about an abusive boyfriend, tried to kiss me.
I shut it down with both in very firm but polite ways. It’s called being a responsible adult and parent.
This guy is the opposite, a fucking predator.
Tell your friend. Tell your parents. Tell his wife.
This is fucking creepy. I take it that only just now are you legal age.
What you do is text him back that you thought it over and you donāt want to start a separate friendship with him. That you like the whole family but that BFF is the reason you stop by and that you have no interest in endangering your friendship with her.
Then seriously dial back your interactions with this guy. Heās not seeing you as a daughter heās thinking of you as a possible affair.
There are so many wrong things here that itās disgusting.