I (24F) cannot find the guts to leave my (31M) boyfriend..
If you read about traits of a narcissist and gaslighting, he’s got them… A lot of them if not all.
Example: Today my sister texted me out of the blue and asked if I could pick up my niece from soccer practice and then drop her off. I of course said yes, and if she wanted me to drop her off at home. She said no and to drop off at a bowling alley that has a bar inside it as well. I told my sister I couldn’t stay and had to leave right when I dropped her off because I had work.
I sent the screenshot to my boyfriend and he proceeded to get all pissy with me. I was slightly confused and then he said “You’re gonna be out all night at the bar and gonna come home and turn lights on and wake up my son (not my son) and you can sleep on the couch” I told him I was literally only going to be gone for 30 minutes and I wasn’t even going to get out of the car. And he just kept saying that I’m selfish that I’m going to be out all night and go to a bar etc..
This is just one situation out of many others I have to deal with.. I work from home, have no social life and don’t go anywhere with out him unless I want to get accused of things. For example, getting accused of meeting someone at my local walgreens when I’m going to pick up my depression medication..
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Guys; I cannot find the strength to leave him. I feel obsessed with him and his love (when its proper love) What is wrong with me!!!! Why do I feel like I need him and the second I leave him I’m right back under his wing. I know he is unhealthy and controlling and you name it but I just can’t understand why I feel so stuck. I KNOW I need to leave, I think about it almost every day but I never do. It’s like I feel so weak minded and have zero control of my life and I’m scared to change any part of it. I just want to give up 🙁
3 comments
And 10 years from now, if you continue this, you’ll be posting how you can’t get away from your controlling husband because you don’t want to hurt your children. You see the warning signs. Get out now while you still have a chance to find someone who will treat you right. That person is out there, and the actions you take now determine if you find him or if you’re stuck with someone you already know is manipulative.
You won’t leave him because you don’t have a plan. Since you’re living together, start working on a plan about where you’ll live after you split. Start making sure you have a car that is in your name only. Know how to get insurance. And make sure you have accounts that are fully under your control. Once you get the basics sorted, it will be a lot easier.
You “feel stuck” because you’re in an abusive relationship with someone who, though they aren’t bad all the time, are able to manipulate your brain and feelings to make you feel guilty for doing things they deem as unacceptable. It isn’t your fault and there isn’t anything wrong with you for finding it difficult to leave him. You also love him and really love the good parts of him, so it’s easy to hold onto those and hope they drown out the bad parts. You feel weak minded and like you have no control of your life because he has conditioned you to feel that way. That is how he keeps his control over you and gets you to do things he wants.
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The fact that you KNOW you want to leave and are able to identify that you’re having a difficult time committing to it even though you really want to means you’re moving in the right direction. Don’t give up and don’t settle for this type of love forever. I don’t know what advice to give you as to how to leave the relationship exactly because I haven’t ever been in that position. But just know that the doubt you’re feeling and the worry and the scared and hopelessness you feel is *all* programmed by him. That isn’t who you are. That’s not who you were before him. It is his mess getting in your mind and making you think that. Just keep sight on your ultimate goal, to leave him. You’ll get the strength–I know it!!!!