Everytime me and my partner have sex, I fantasise about him with another woman.
A threesome but where I watch. Or him and 2 women or something like that.
BUT in real life, I get upset and jealous at the smallest things and I think I would cry if I actually saw him with another woman.
Then why is that my only fantasy and the only thing helping me come?
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It’s okay to have fantasies you wouldn’t necessarily want to act on! I fantasize about this same thing with my husband. We only came slightly close once and I hated it (but that might be for other reasons, too). But I love the fantasy! Really, it’s one of my favorites. Why do we fantasize about it? Who knows!? It’s fun to imagine our partners being desired by others!
Dirty talk.
Weirdly specific advice but ride him. Sit on him and say stuff like ‘Fuck me like *madeup name*. Show me what you did with her. Did she want you? Did you fuck her like that?’
You can have so awesome orgasms without engaging into the actual threesomes!
Like others said, fantasies are fair game even if you don’t want to act on them. I have a fantasy of being on display at a sex club. Would I ever do that? Almost certainly not, I’ve never even been close to going to a sex club.
Somebody suggested to me that roleplay can be a good compromise for a fantasy that really turns you on but you don’t actually want to act on. I also have secretary/boss and student/teacher fantasies. Those can be easily roleplayed.
So maybe in your case you can try a roleplay where you pretend to be ‘another woman’. Meet your man in a bar, y’all can flirt and go home and have awesome sex, all while pretending he’s cheating on you with this alter ego, if that’s hot to you.
Maybe not that exact scenario, but yeah roleplay could be a fun way to compromise your more ‘extreme’ or kinky fantasies.
Edit: Unless it’s really bothering you or you have some sort of massive guilt about it, I wouldn’t get caught up too much on the ‘why’. It’s about as inconsequential as analyzing your dreams. It’s subconscious, probably has to do with a complex or mild trauma you internalized long ago.
I’m sure there are more complicated Freudian analyses of these things, but on a very basic level in our brain anxiety and excitement are very similar. It’s like the tension of a roller coaster going up the ramp, are we anxious or excited? It gets us charged up. Then we reinforce that with a reward (orgasm) and the associated thoughts are reinforced and paired (imagining him with other women becomes more exciting, a shortcut to arousal). It’s really common that we all do things to sooth negative emotions with pleasures (eating, drugs, masturbation, sex, shopping, etc) and it becomes habitual. If it becomes problematic we label it as a disorder, if it remains at a functional or healthy level we might call it a coping mechanism (or a kink or a quirk etc).
Sometimes people who feel jealous have an underlying feeling that they aren’t good enough. Maybe even inferior or like they have to try extra hard to keep others happy so they won’t leave them. But then that can be hard to feel so they might also adopt a confident stance or face they show to the world. Anyway, that’s just something maybe to think about and see if something comes up for you that you might find helpful or maybe you aren’t like that at all.
Take what I say with a grain of salt because this is strictly from my own experience but…
Do you feel you have self esteem issues? Like that when people compliment your looks, even your partner, that they are doing it to be “nice” or maybe caught you on a decent day but they can’t possibly see you that way all the time? That when you think of being pretty it feels like something intrinsically unobtainable or for “pretty girls”?
I had the same fantasies for the longest and didn’t say anything to my husband. Then one day he brought up a threesome. I thought I would be jealous or something but watching him with someone else was amazing to me. Now, sadly I think it was more fun for me than it was for him because we only did it one other time.
Edit: I looked into this for a while to try to understand myself because it really baffled me that I was more pleasured by watching my husband screw this woman than her screwing me and him screwing me. The term I found that was the closest related to how I feel is “Cuckquean” although I don’t want or need the degradation aspect. So look into that, it may help. It certainly helped me feel that I am not alone or weird. Now if I can just get Hubs back on board we’ll be great!
That’s called “cuckquean”
Opposite of cuckold (where a man watches his wife fuck other guys)
I’m a single guy. But often times, i fantasize about it, in case I were to have a girlfriend, but then again, fantasy is totally different from reality ….
Do you masturbate to cuck queen porn?
Abd I know it sounds cliche but the solution to jealousy is compersion
Enjoy your fantasy – but a fantasy deliberately blocks out 90% of a reality (mostly repercussions of the act).
If you doubt it – read some advice and experiences for new-swingers.