My husband doesn’t understand why it makes me feel bad when he points out the things I “don’t do anymore” for example
“You always use to dance in the car to this song and now you don’t”
“You should try to be more funny like you use to”
“You use to be more affectionate to me”
“You use to be a lot more spunky”
Etc. This makes me feel horrible and he doesn’t understand why?
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Why does it? He misses a carefree side of you that was loving and affectionate, and prob made him fall in love with you. Whats going on in your life that has you mentally occupied to the point you aren’t affectionate to the man you love? This could be a great growth and community period, instead of just feeling bad.
Ugh my husband told me once that the worst thing you can do to someone is “compare them to them” ———wtf does that mean?!?!
What you’re saying, he has acted all hurt over me saying to him “we were way more intimate before” or “you stopped all spontaneous sex”. Like there’s a lot of things he just stopped completely. I fell in love with him for those things! So to me, it makes no sense to be compared to yourself as being a negative thing. I can’t speak for your hub, but I’m also one foot out the door of my marriage so I may be bitter.
I just don’t understand why that is a bad thing to point out. I’ve brought it up as a “I miss it” thing, not to bitch or nag. I don’t know.
I agree with the idea that we are all aging and aren’t how we used to be on many levels. That can be daunting and isn’t the fairest thing on earth. I am sure he is different as well.
I also can’t help but think of the old line “women get married hoping that their husbands change and men get married hoping their wives never do”
Ask him “why do you think I don’t do that anymore”? Maybe that will help him understand the difference between problem-solving vs whining.
Men marry women believing they won’t change but they always do. Women marry men hoping they change but they rarely do.
this is going to be an obvious question, but: have you communicated to him why this makes you feel horrible? I know it feels like beating a dead horse, but sometimes people don’t always understand things in the way we wish they would.
Doesn’t “understand” or doesn’t care to understand?
I will flip the coin OP, sorry.
I feel like your husband, I have the same comments to my wife, and probably she is feeling the same and doesn’t share it with me.
But, question to you is, what has change? Why the dance stopped? Why the affections decease? And I would add “Why the crazy sex desapear”?
I feel soooo identified with your husband, because I love my wife with all my heart, but definitely I live comparing what we used to have a decade ago (we are mid 37 and dating for the past 15 years)
Honestly, this time the way he could communicate his concerns, won’t change the situation. In other words, things wont change
I’m telling it with my own facts with my relationship.
If I would be you, I will try lot harder to retake the spicy.
I’m sorry that I don’t support you, but I’m with your husband feeling the same.
I recomend ” the 5 love languages” probably your husband mistmaches with yours