My husband left me after 9 years together and 2 years of marriage after a big fight. The first week he was gone, he blocked my number, blocked all social media, and went no contact. He was my high school sweetheart. It has been a month since he left me. The last time I saw him, I pathetically begged and pleaded with him to stay with me. He refused. I asked if he was seeing someone, and he said “no, but I am talking to a girl who is nice”. He joined a run club for her (I asked him to run with me so many times over the years, but he always said he hated running), he texts her, he plays video games with her, and I have seen videos of him dancing in the club with her. He told me he tells her about how messed up our relationship was. I have no idea how much this girl actually knows about me or the fact that we’re still married.
We still are not divorced or legally separated. He has taken no steps to actually legally leave me. All his stuff is still at our house.
I am completely devastated. He said he wanted to leave because we weren’t good for each other. I have been miserable every single day while he has potentially found someone new and abandoned our life together. I can’t stop thinking about it. I have absolutely 0 interest in being with anyone but him, and I don’t understand how he can throw me away like I’m nothing.
10 comments
I am so sorry he has treated you this way. Right now you need to start protecting yourself though. You need to secure any bank accounts. Proof of any assets, house, cars, 401K balances before he drains them all. Lock down your credit. Mae copies and hide them at a friends or relatives. You need a lawyer ASAP.
What was the argument about?
Based on what we’ve seen in this sub over the years, there’s a pretty good chance he’s doing more than talking to this “nice girl”. And one person cannot force a relationship to exist. I’m so sorry, but he’s abandoned your marriage. And that’s a cruel thing for him to do, so one wonders why you’d choose to be with something like that?
And this silent treatment? Read this: [The Surprising Truth About The Silent Treatment](https://www.heysigmund.com/the-silent-treatment/). He’s intentionally trying to hurt you.
As women we always ignore the red flags
He left you. Pretty simple.
What was the argument about? Nobody up and leaves and never comes back over an argument. Has your relationship actually been good?
I am so sorry. It’s an awful feeling when you are emotionally invested in someone who has completely checked out. I know it’s easier said than done. But you need to understand it’s over. Start protecting yourself. From above comments it seems that he was already cheating. Idk where you live but if it’s a fault state being that you guys aren’t legally separated or divorced you can file divorce for cheating and it will help you keep most of your belongings if you even want them. I know this isn’t what you feel is important but it’s going to take awhile to heal emotionally and the divorce will come up quick. I again am so sorry. You seem like a nice person and don’t deserve this treatment. I hope come to understand that.
I know it’s hard to think about and even harder to execute. But you need to talk to a lawyer about at the very least your options. According to your previous posts you’ve been mistreated for at least a year. And if you think about it could you ever get over your husband’s infidelity? Him destroying your marriage? To me this sounds like he is keeping you around for when she either gets boring, annoying, or sick of him. You deserve to feel loved, cared for, valued, and at the very least like you can trust your partner. You’re not a retainer for when he needs a safe place to fall onto. Please get with a friend, family member, or ANYONE that can help support you. Get someone who can help keep your head straight when in front of him. And if you find yourself getting weak in front of him send him emails ( since you’re blocked everywhere else.) Please keep yourself safe and protected. You deserve it.
Edit to clarify: the emails are of what he needs to know not of wanting him back
I’m very sorry. 🙁 I can only imagine how destroyed you feel.
Are you looking for advice? Or a place to vent?
It sounds like it’s definitely over, even if he hasn’t started legal proceedings. I would see an attorney and a therapist.
Edit: I just saw your post history. Just move on. He messaged prostitutes, threatened you with divorce if you didn’t co-sign on a loan for his bad decisions, and didn’t work for a year. This is a blessing.
I’m so sorry. What a devastating situation and I’m sure you feel lost. I encourage you to start focusing on healing and your mental health. It’s the only thing you can control. Whether he comes back or not, you will still need to heal from this.
Have you contacted a lawyer to start the divorce process? You don’t have to wait on him. You do it