My libido is very up and down recently. Dont know whats wrong but I think stress is one thing. Stress with the kids and bills. I live in northern Europe and our electricity prices are skyrocketing because of the war. A constant stress.
But in general I guess things dont always feel like they did 10 years ago. We dont have a deadbedroom but I often want sex more than her. At times when my libido is low things are ok but at times I just want it more. As a LL spouse she decides when sex happens and thats how it should be but at times it sucks. I have been horny for two days and because we are religious I cant masturbate or watch porn. I have done it before but I have decided to stop and am staying away.
When my wife is in the mood sex happens no matter what. She is not a gatekeeper but when she is not in the mood it can go on and I dont know for how long. This week is one week before her period. There is a chance that there wont be no sex in at least two weeks. It sucks. I dont want to pressure her of course but I wonder how can I make it more possible for her to want sex? Not pressure but somehow create an environment that makes sex easier to say yes too?
We have a partner marriage. We both work and when we come home we both take care of the kids and do chores specially with our special needs kid so saying that I should do much chores doesnt help much because I already do that. I am the one who wakes up during the night to take care of our special needs kids. I let her sleep because I want her to be rested.
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For women, libido can very much be tied to how they feel about themselves versus a physical need. I know that when my wife isn’t feeling attractive, it wouldn’t matter how long it’s been, she just won’t be into it. Thus, one thing to make sure you’re doing is supporting your partner in helping to make them feel attractive. The important distinction is that it’s not how you see them, but how they see themselves.
Going down this path, don’t talk to her about how sexy she is. Ask her if there’s anything you can do to help her see herself as beautiful as you see her to be. Kind of a “I wish you could see yourself with my eyes” kind of thing.
What are your conversations with her about the subject like? What kinds of thinks does she do to remove her sexual brakes and find her personal “yes”? Does she wait for spontaneous arousal inside of herself or does she actively trying to get herself in the frame of mind to say “yes”?
Read the book, “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski. It’s about female sexuality and desire. Read it with her. Good luck.
wash your dick in the shower. there’s no God that will punish you for that.
They say that sex starts a day or two before with a nice hug, a shoulder rub, an appreciative pat here or there and of course, going above and beyond the usual chores you do. Maybe surprise her with a bubble bath in the evening, buy her a treat – something she wouldn’t buy for herself. Just let her feel you are thinking of her. And this is important- do not try to initiate sex right away! Show her you care for her without there being a reward in it for you.
If this faith is Christian, then you guys are not supposed to deny each other but come together and meet each other’s needs. I don’t think you can tell her that without making her annoyed though. If you say that you’re going to be perceived as preachy and demanding but the bible says it’s good for married people to have sex. Sorry. That’s a difficult situation. I wish I had good advice for you. I think the responsive desire people are correct.
My LL wife never wanted sex. Ate too much or didn’t feel good. She would help me out with her hand or mouth almost whenever I asked but sex is sex, right? We are a Christian couple.
So I told her I’d really like to have sex with her as often as possible. I just told her. You can’t make someone want you by talking to them but I made my desire known. Then I started working on me.
I lost my extra fat. I started lifting heavy again. I started flirting with her. I’d initiate often and not get butt hurt when she said no. I put a lot of energy in lifting, and doing crap around the house. I started paying attention to my behavior and appearance, dressing better and trimming my beard. Being attractive. I never stopped flirting. Often slapped her butt. Tender hugs that end with kissing her neck. Kept getting handjobs but kept asking for her to have sex, and after a few months of all this- she started having sex with me.
We are in our forties- meaning her hormones are shot, by the way. So what happens is we have an off day and then an on day. Off day means we don’t have sex, but if it’s an “emergency” then this awesome girl will help me out with a hand anyway. And yes, I flirt on the off day. I never stop flirting and telling her I want her, but we both know it’s off day so there’s no expectations. Flirting for the sake of flirting. On ON days we have sex. I rarely initiate anymore because she asks for Lovin before I can. Sometimes I don’t feel Up to it but I pop a blue pill and give her the lovin because I’ll give up the goods when she wants it. And no, this isn’t a bad thing and in the end I’m always glad I did.
She was REACTIVE libido until she wasn’t. This on/off schedule went on for a couple months before she started craving sex. One thing about my wife is she always understood that I needed to have orgasms- thus her willingness to help me out. If that isn’t the case with your wife- start working on yourself, flirt, initiate sex, and if she shoots you down then with an upbeat attitude ask her to give you and hand or some suck action instead. If she says no, be like “OK” and go do sprints in your neighborhood or something. Turn yourself into the sexy guy she wants to give a handjob to, and eventually- if you stick to it and be sexy, I’m guessing she’ll come around.
All I can say is work on being as attractive as you can and just work her sexually- flirt and caress and be the guy she fell in love with.