My partner and I have been together for 2 years. We decided to take the next step and move in together. We’ve been living in San Francisco for a couple months because he started his residency in the city. His living situation isn’t as flexible as mine because he needs to go to clinic in the city and I work from home. Things have been going so well with us, and I enjoy living with him, however, I hate living in this city. I miss where I used to live, San Diego. My whole life was there i.e. friends, beautiful beaches, delicious restaurants, positive vibes, etc. I generally feel cold, unsafe, unhappy, and am starting to feel numb towards the homeless (many whom struggling with mental illness and drug addiction) in SF. To stay safe and mentally okay, it’s as if you can’t look at these poor people who are suffering… I hate it. I’m not in love with my life anymore, except living with my partner. What options should I consider?
TL;DR I miss living in San Diego and loved my life, friends, environment, etc. My partner and I moved to San Francisco. Living with my partner is so good, however I hate this city. I’m unsure of what to do. Although my relationship with him is healthy and so strong, I don’t want to waste my life being unhappy…
2 comments
You need to talk to him about this. Moving is not a trivial thing and cannot be done quickly. And if you two agreed to live together, he is presumably counting on you to help with rent. You need to make it clear you cannot live where you are for long, and the two of you need to come up with a plan. Maybe it is living a little further away and he commutes. Maybe you two need to break up because your lives simply do not work in the same place. Maybe you go long distance for a time and he tries to get a job in a different location But step one is to discuss it.
I feel like 2 months isn’t long enough. When you move, there’s always a point where the adrenaline wears off and you’re like WHY THE HELL DID I DO THIS?! Give it at least 6 months and try to give it a year. Explore more of the city and see if there are neighborhoods that are a better fit for you. Try to make friends or do social things (yoga classes, readings, sporting events etc etc). Try to find things to like about your new city (I KNOW SF has got some good food!) while also giving yourself space to grieve living in San Diego. Mostly, just give yourself a little time and don’t give up on living with a great partner because of our nation’s homeless problem. Because I think that’s just a mental/emotional proxy for the fact that you don’t feel comfortable in SF. But that’s expected! It’s new. Give yourself 6-12 months, you may find you want to go back and THEN go back. Or you may find that you’ve made a friend or two, found a favorite spot or two, and would be happier living in a different neighborhood. That’s not wasting your life being unhappy, that’s being unhappy for a short time while you adjust and grow