Can a marriage survive domestic violence?

22 comments

1. Yes they can. When I was young(18), my wife betrayed me and I hit her out of impulse. I beat my self up still about it even though it was 14 years ago.

2. I would say yes but coming back from that would be similar to that of if he cheated. 100% genuine remorse, zero excuses or rationalization, him going above and beyond the call of duty to reestablish trust, appropriate boundaries being established and abided by, and of course it never ever happening again. All of this would probably best be done with the accountability of marriage counseling.

3. The only way is the abuser has an introspective look and decides they do not like what they see and seeks to change.

   Change comes.from within.

4. 100% capable as long as they accept responsibility for their actions. No matter their reason for physical abuse, it is never acceptable. Couple counseling will help shed the light and direct responsibility appropriately…it’s up to the couple to sort it out and hopefully recover, moving forward in a healthy way.

5. No. It does not. It should not. If violence happens once, it will happen again. It takes guts to not take the path of violence or verbal abuse in marriage. Marriages that survive are friendships. Abusive marriages that survive are politics.

6. Yes, the act of forgiveness and repentance is powerful

7. Maybe they can change, but once they cross the line and introduce violence to the relationship, the threat will always be there. I dont know how you could have a healthy relationship after violence.

8. in my opinion no. abusive people usually don’t see themselves as abusive. they feel vulnerable to changes out of their control. they find way in their head to justify the abuse and almost always see themselves as the first victim of a wrongdoing and they retaliated. its a pattern. and 99% cannot get out of it. i would 100% breakup with someone as soon as they became abusive. the stakes are too high that they can be repeated. too many women die because they thought their partner could change. no relationship is worth my life

9. Of course people can change. Will they? It depends on a lot.

   If DV has occurred engage a counselor and get their take. Don’t trust internet opinions over.matters this serious.

10. Singular instances: Sure. People can be young stupid or intoxicated.

    Repeated behavior: This either doesn’t change or the change process is very long. There are plenty of people who don’t engage in abusive behavior. Find someone better, you deserve it.

11. I don’t think I could live with someone wondering if they will beat me again, at any time. No thank you.

12. I think they can get help and change but I wouldn’t say it is healthy to stay in the relationship. There will always be hurt and pain from the past and I think it would be hard to have a fresh start.

    Also the abuser needs time to be fully alone and work on their anger and how to handle conflict. I’d say no , and listen to the professionals. If this is about you please get help for yourself.

13. Are they capable? I think so. Is it worth staying to find out if they will? In most cases, no.

14. No!

15. It’s entirely possible, but so is making the NBA. I wouldn’t advise anyone to bet his/her future on either, however.

16. This is like asking “can someone ever jump off a 20-story building and survive”? Sure, it’s theoretically possible and there are probably a couple of people who have. Does that mean you should jump off a 20-story building? No.

17. No.

18. I had an aunt who married someone from a different culture. One day he hit her, and she immediately went to her religious leader about it. The leader had a meeting with the husband and told him it was not okay to hit his wife. The husband discussed how it was normal in the culture he came from for men to physically reprimand their wives, so he had just seen it growing up. After being told that it was not acceptable here, he never hit her again. I think that is an example of how it could possibly work, if the person is genuinely remorseful and was maybe just raised somewhere they never taught respect for women.

19. Theres is not reason to even begin domestic violence. Why accept it and look forward to change.
    There are hundreds of people who would give anything to be with you and never in their minds would even think in resorting to violence.

20. A little more info: We are in our early 30s, married for almost a decade. I think we put our personal development on hold for many years due to our demanding, high powered careers. We are both short tempered and while I am verbally abusive, husband will resort to physical violence. When he attacks me, I attack him back in self defense, but of course he is stronger than me and overpowers me. Sometimes, I will be the one to initiate violence too. I think we are both abusive in different ways to each other. I am at my limit and know something’s gotta change. We (I) painfully told his parents what’s been going on and they talked to the both of us. I’m hopeful that they will hold us accountable going forward for both our poor behaviors. We have some action plans in place now and have given our relationship a 3 month probation period. If things are not drastically better (no more physical or verbal abuse) in this time frame, it’s over for good and his parents will hold us to it. His parents are extremely decent people with a successful marriage of over 30 years, so I trust them. My parents are not part of my life.

21. marriage can survive anything and everything (if the couple stayed together)… the question is : is it gonna b a gd marriage… is gonna be the same as before.

22. It should not. There is NO excuse to harm your spouse.