How common is it for people to be shamed for living in accommodation “unbecoming of their status”?

18 comments

1. It’s just as common to have stories of frugality presented as a positive example. Warren Buffet is the most prominent example. The man has lived in the same modest house with his wife since the 1960s.

   Within American society there are conflicting messages about conspicuous consumption.

2. Frugality and living like regular folk is often praised in the U.S. For example, billionaire Sam Walton lived in a modest home in Arkansas, and billionaire Warren Buffet lives in a modest home in Nebraska. Your friend’s high-earning coworkers may have made fun of him, but most Americans would respect him for it and make fun of his big-spending co-workers.

3. The Mars family, the ones who owned the candy company, are apparently well known ‘misers’. Apparently one of them would rent an RV and sleep in parking lots instead of staying in ritzy hotels while traveling. People thought that was cool.

4. As an actuary, I think that might just be how we are. A lot of actuarial roles involve fiscal conservatism, planning for the worst case scenario, making sure our employers stay solvent, and so on. Easy to see how that would seep into views on personal finances. Probably even more so if he was around in the mid-2000’s when tons of companies were suffering greatly due to the worldwide recession and niche stuff like LTC mispricing in the decades before.

5. > Quite a lot of people made fun of him for it

   I frankly don’t believe this.

6. Some people are cruel, some people are judgmental, some people gossip. I don’t believe these traits are unique to Americans. Teasing or bullying co-workers because we don’t approve of their choice of accommodations is definitely *not* a widespread and normal behavior here.

7. I can’t imagine anyone caring that your friend lived in a small apartment.

8. I honestly don’t believe this. Not saying you are a liar OP but perhaps it was more of a couple isolated incidents of people being assholes rather than something common or daily.

   That would be considered highly rude. Like where someone would say something to anyone that actually made fun of someone’s apartment.

   Often frugality is highly praised and especially when someone is wealthy enough they don’t have to be.

   What you describe is absolutely not typical behavior.

   I used to meet clients at their homes quite often and I knew how much they made. I would often be surprised at the modest nature of some homes knowing how much the person made but I never once heard anyone in my company say anything negative about that. One of my favorite clients made well into six figures and lived in a very simple trailer on a nice but not extensive piece of land in a really nice location.

9. I’m guessing that it was good natured teasing but that some of the “good natured” part was lost in translation. You are from a different culture hearing a story from another person about their life, but not actually seeing and hearing the conversations. He is from a different culture than upstate NY and the nuances of language, inflection, humor and more can be easily misinterpreted or misunderstood. If anyone was actually serious about thinking he was foolish or wrong for living that way, it was probably more out of jealousy for the self-discipline that they lacked in their own life.

10. Frugal living is praised in the US and historically has been seen as a virtue in the US.

    (Yes, there’s also plenty of messaging in the media pushing conspicuous consumption, the conflicting messages come from different parts of society. It’s complicated)

    There are several billionaires that live in homes more suited to the upper-middle-class, like an affluent attorney or physician might live in. . .not a billionaire who could easily afford an opulent mansion. Nobody shames Warren Buffet for being one of the richest men in America, and living in an upscale subdivision in a nice house. . .but hardly a home someone would associate with a multi-billionaire.

    There’s no shame in that in the US, as long as your home is comfortable and safe. If someone was living in a shabby, potentially dangerous residence and could easily afford better then that might be seen as inappropriately miserly, but a frugal bachelor living in a small apartment (assuming it’s reasonably clean and safe) is certainly appropriate even if he is a “high earner” at the company. That’s his business and his life. One thing we generally do respect in the US is that people have the right to live their lives how they want.

11. Lol judging by my city’s subreddit, pretty damn common

12. Could have been in a joking way. Something along the lines of “ I’m surprised that you made it in your car”

    I know quite a few people who live well below their means. If anything it’s innocent and joking, more than purely making fun of. A friend who owned their own business had to meet some potential investors and didn’t even own a suit. They just didn’t see the need for one. And some of the employees sort of joked about it when they had to loan them something to wear

13. There are plenty of “millionaire next door” types of people, although mocking them is not common.

14. People from where made fun of him? Not clear if you mean in the US or where he is now when he tells people about it. I’ve never come across Americans who care at all what kind of house/apartment someone lives in. I’m in my mid-fifties.

    It’s totally usual to have friends who live in apartments in iffy neighborhoods and others who have large custom designed homes. I don’t question if the ones who are in small apartments can afford better or if the ones in expensive houses are over-extended financially. There isn’t much of a “status” thing here like I’ve seen in other places.

15. Considering a 600 square foot 1br apt is at lest $2500 a month where im from, not common at all.

16. I’d never make fun of someone for the size of their home, and in general I think that’s in extremely bad taste.

    If the person was living in filth and bad hygiene, though, I think some judgement would be expected.

17. I don’t think so?

    Someone I worked with lived a bachelor life, rented a small apartment despite being a pretty high earner. He retired early, moved to a major city and paid cash for his new condo. The frugality was about setting himself up for the life he really wanted.

    I think some people might not have understood that, but no one made fun of him. If anything, a few were jealous! I wanna move to the Pacific Northwest too.

18. I’d be surprised if that was actually the intent. I think people find it surprising and tease your friend about it, but I doubt they intend to shame them for not spending more money on a home.