I’m a 27f. Ever since my last relationship ended (2016 – dated for 8 years) I’ve noticed that I obsess over absolutely every man I date . It all started with that ex. For example, the last guy I dated, who I was starting to like because he was saying all the right things and being sweet suddenly ghosted me, then came back and ghosted me again, and then did the same again (please I know how ridiculous I am). I constantly check his socials, check out who he’s recently followed and has been followed by, find their accounts so as to know what’s going on… my problem is, I know I’m not in love with this person, hell I don’t even like him but still I obsess. I need help, I don’t want to be this person. Does anyone have advice? Any books or podcasts recommendations. Articles, anything.
I don’t want to be this person. How do I address the issue that is obviously internal …
3 comments
Nothing huge about what you are experiencing. Its a little like a distant cousin to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Actually doesn’t have anything to do with the individual you are interested in. It has more to do with how you process information. Ever get a song or a tune or jingle in your head? Pretty much the same thing. This why its always good, when, say, you break up with a person to include re-awakening your relationships with friends and family that you may have neglected and activities you may have let slide. Its also worthwhile to take a moment to start a new physical activity which will not only re-focus your attention but also affirm your confidence and self-sufficiency. FWIW.
Im a man but I have done this when talking to new girls in the past. I think its just the way your brain is wired. Not necessarily watching social media accounts, but wired to “fall hard and fall fast” and believe me it is hard to cope with and are always wondering “does this person feel the same about me”
I have found that conditioning yourself to think about something else or do something else. It takes an honest conscious effort to almost shock yourself into focusing on something else
I’m 25F. Literally used to do the same thing you do. I’d obsessively scroll over their Insta follower/following if the counter went up. I even had a fake insta account to check the stories of girls who had their account public. All because in my last relationship, I lost what it means to trust someone. He was dating another girl while dating me, and I was the “newer one”.
Funny thing is, it would never happen with guys who were clear with their intentions. Only with guys who would ghost/ then come back, gave mixed signals, etc.
I decided to fix this behaviour because I’m worth more than this. I hated doing it but couldn’t help myself. And I fixed it.
Stop caring. Like actually. Just stop caring about what he might think, and just confront it head on.
He left you on read? But somehow still comes back weeks later?
Message him first. Ask him about his intentions.
Honestly the mentality is, What do I actually have to lose? I lost him once, I can lose him again. But I want to stop losing my time. And my feelings, and my mentality.
Trust me, confronting it gives you power.