So, my girlfriend and I, when not with each other, spend most of our time together on discord. Today, she mentioned that she wanted to go have some ‘personal time’ on her own, and as usual, i said that was fine. She forgot, however, to mute her mic, and moaned the name of a previous partner of hers that’s flying in to spend time with her tonight.

​

Once she finished, she realized her mic was unmuted and asked if i heard anything and was playing it off as if it was just an accidental case of being unmuted, at which point i wanted to see if she would be honest with me. She mentioned the moaning, which would have been completely normal, and would have been the end of the conversation if i hadn’t known any better. I told her I want her to be honest with me, and asked if there was anything else I should worry about, and she mentioned that she moaned the name of the ex-partner. I told her I heard it, and she said that she hasn’t even seen them in two months (we have been together for just over a year and a half).

​

tldr; gf moans other guys name purposefully, tests the waters to see if she has to admit it, then when she figures out that i heard it, she says she hasnt seen him in two months despite us being together for \*way\* longer than that.

​

What should I do?

42 comments

  1. “Previous partner that is flying in to spend time with her” along with moaning their name sounds like a red flag

  2. I’m going to admit I didn’t even bother reading your post, just the title. If that ever happened to me under any circumstance whatsoever, I would be out. There would be no exception for me ever

  4. That would be ann end to her little game for me I don’t know about you .
    But a year and a half be thankful it isn’t like 5 + years your still young man get out and find someone that wants to be with you .

  5. There’s a reason why she’s dating someone 8 years younger than her. They’re easier to manipulate and way more willing to put up with bullshit.

    Good luck.

  6. If I had to guess, she’s testing the waters to see how much BS you’ll put up with. Personally, the answer would be zero and I would break up with her.

    “Obviously, you either still have feelings for your ex or you’re playing games with me. Neither of those are acceptable to me and this makes us incompatible. Have fun with your ex. I’m going to go find someone that actually respects me and respects a relationship with me”

    And then block her everywhere.

    At least, that’s what I would do.

  7. I doubt that leaving her mic on was accidental. Sounds like she enjoys playing mind games. I wouldn’t stick around to see how else her manipulative behaviour comes through.

  9. * Significant age/life gap

    * “Accidentally” leaves the mic on (and you have enough experience with her to know that this was no accident)

    * Deliberately moans her ex’s name during “personal” time

    * Said ex is **flying in** to spend time with her tonight. Exes don’t generally go to the effort of *flying* to see an ex partner just to have a cup of tea.

    What would you do? Recognise that this sounds very much like an unhealthy and even toxic relationship, and act accordingly (ie, break up).

  10. >what should I do?

    Get out of her orbit and move on. A 31 year old playing head games is extremely bad

  11. I’m not even 30 and I can’t even fathom looking at a 23-year-old, let alone dating.. She’s gross. Gross for that, gross for moaning, gross for all of it.

  15. Christ… what you should do when your SO is banging other people AND mocking you behind your back for not knowing.

  17. She’s trifling and she knows it and she’s testing you to see if you’ll put up with it.

  18. If I’m reading this right your 23 and she’s 31 playing these games with you. There are people in this world who are only happy when they’re causing drama. While they whip everyone around them into a frenzy they sit back and act like they don’t understand what the problem is. Whether it’s a game she’s playing or she’s really doing something behind your back you really need to ask yourself if this is what you want? This won’t be the last time she does this no matter what she’s up too.

  19. You are her boy toy and she’s playing mind games with you.

    You should find someone who values you, and doesn’t do that.

  23. She knows someone her own age wouldn’t put up with her bullshit. She’s going to keep disrespecting you if you don’t leave.

  24. Dude do u have any self respect or braincells, do people really have to ask what to do next in this situation? Wtf it’s the same shit on every post, this has to be fake

  25. Dude you need to get off the computer and out in the real world to meet girls. You’re young.

    You’re probably a nice guy and she’s currently playing mind games with you. When girls sense a pushover, they start doing crazy shit like this. She will test you and push you just to see exactly how much of a punk you are.

    You can’t blame a girl for doing this either. When most women are dealing with a man, they would like to feel that the man is competent, capable, strong, not a pushover, has a sense of direction, has solid boundaries, etc… masculine qualities. If they don’t think you have those things, they are hardwired to push and test you and sometimes even do other ‘toxic’ behaviors… But most of the time a normal girl will just stop talking to you and leave you. She’s 31, but probably just a big child based on the games that she’s playing with you.

    The reason I know you’re a nice guy is because you had to wait for her to admit that she moaned her ex’s name, even though you knew that’s exactly what you heard. You took the indirect way of getting it out of her by asking if “there’s anything else I should worry about” when you should have been rightfully upset and direct with her about this crap. On top of that, she straight up tells you that the ex is flying in to be with her tonight. What do you think that means, my friend?

    My advice, just stop talking to her and get out into the world. You’re young so work on yourself, get financially stable, go to the gym, and meet people out in the real world not on Discord

  26. You go out of the chat and out of her life.

    Unless you’re ready to agree to everything she’s testing you for.

  28. This would be an automatic breakup thing for me and my partner would do the same.

    The fact ex is travelling to see her is a red flag in itself but what she did on that call/mic open…unforgivable. she wants you insecure and jelous.

    I know people who measure how much someone loves them based on how angry/jelous they get.

    She is playing mind games with you.

  30. >my (23m) girlfriend (31f) of over a year purposefully moaned someone else’s name. Where do I go from here?

    You don’t go anywhere with her. Life is too short for those games.

  31. Dude, she is a 31 year old woman who is dating a 23 year old who “forgot” to mute her mic while she is moaning the name of an ex lover who is coming to see her.

    Don’t let her play this little mind games. Don’t let her play you.

    You are young and I promise, you will find someone new who will love you and treat you nicely.dont wait and find out what her moaning or seeing her ex means. You break up, spend some time mourning and taking care of yourself and then move on.

    You deserve better

  34. I mean…? Bro you have to have more self respect for yourself than that. All of that you just mentioned and you are asking questions ? You need to get that sorted asap.

  36. She’s playing mind games. She left the mic unmuted on purpose and I have a feeling she’s testing the waters with you. She’s looking for a reaction and there’s a reason for that, be careful.
    Also, why in the world is her ex flying to spend the night with her?

  40. Ok, so, she either left the mic on purposefully, and moaned this person’s name to make you jealous.

    OR, she didn’t know the mic was on and she moaned it cause she was fantasizing this person, and not you.

    Dude, RUN.

  41. You’re 23 and she’s 31. She’s playing mind games on you. And what ex partner flies in to spend time exclusively? You’re being played if she has met him just 2 months before too.

  42. Here’s my few problem with it if I was you . Your partner said something about seeing the ex 2 months ago and you guys have been dating way longer than that. I have a very “ secure attachment” style . I need a foundation in my relationship before I start building a house hypothetically thinking way of looking at that. ( look that up if you aren’t sure what it is. It tells you about how you are with human interactions in life and how you are in relationships. )
    I would never date someone who is 8 years younger than me . You are having problems because you didn’t come to terms into your relationship early on especially someone who younger than you on boundaries and trust and this is why you are having problems. I don’t know the full story but what I can also tell you. Don’t do that kind of stuff in your relationship. Don’t try to catch someone because you think they are cheating. If you really wanted to find out have a friend or someone she doesn’t know flirt with him/her and message him/her. That would give you evidence that he/she’s not loyal and you can move on but be smart about it. It going to look bad on your part if you get caught. When I met my (28m) boyfriend I told him if he wants to be in a open relationship I’ll be fine with that so later on if he cheats I can say “ I GAVE YOU THAT OPTION 😔… 🤣 .” I used to be poly for a good amount of my life . I gave that lifestyle up for him so I’ll be hurt if he cheats.. but anyways you know this situation sounds suss .. end it . Move on . Is this fixable ? Yes.. but it takes two to be in a relationship. You need communication in a relationship. If you don’t have that . The relationship will not work.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like