I’ve been in a friends with benefits situation with a girl for a month or two, I’ll call her Girl 1. It’s been fun but she made it clear she only wants to be friends with benefits and isn’t able to pursue a relationship, probably since she recently got out of one. I like being friends and hooking up and don’t particularly want a relationship with her either.
A few weeks ago I started going on dates with a girl I met on a dating app who I’ll call Girl 2. We’ve hung out about four times at this point and have hooked up to some degree each time. We haven’t gone as far sexually as I have with Girl 1, but the last couple times we hung out we’ve been getting more intimate since she spent the night with me and we’ve been holding hands as well. She’s also met several of my friends. We haven’t discussed becoming committed to each other or exclusive or officially being boyfriend and girlfriend, but I like her and I could see it happening in the near future.
As someone who has never been in a real relationship before, I’m unsure about what point in dating someone it becomes necessary or right to stop hooking up with other people. I’m thinking that it’s fine to keep hooking up with Girl 1 until Girl 2 and I decide to take it to the next level, but I can’t help but feel a little guilty and wonder if it’s wrong that I haven’t told either of them about one another.
Here are some options I’m considering:
\-Should I stop hooking up with Girl 1 now?
\-Should I just give Girl 1 a heads up that I’m been going on dates with another girl and that we may become exclusive in the future in which case we will have to stop hooking up?
\-Is it okay to just wait until Girl 2 and I have The Conversation and then at that point tell Girl 1 we should stop hooking up?
Let me know your thoughts, thank you!
4 comments
> I’m unsure about what point in dating someone it becomes necessary or right to stop hooking up with other people.
There are no hard rules about it. If you are fine with sleeping with two people at once, you should just be as responsible and respectful as possible. If you really are uncomfortable with sleeping with two people at once, tell Girl 1 that you’re dating someone and that the FWB arrangement will be put on hold. IMO, Girl 2 doesn’t need to know about Girl 1.
If your relationship is progressing with Girl 2, you should ask yourself if you’re willing to face the consequences for when she finds out about Girl 1. It’s totally up to you since fair enough, you’re not in a committed relationship. But things like these can be a hit or miss, she may or may not mind. Personally, if I were being introduced to friends and being intimate without sex for the nth time, I’d get the idea that you’re starting to get serious and a fwb would be a shocker.
I think you should stop hooking up with girl 1. If things don’t work out with girl 2, then you can pick things up again with girl 1.
If I was girl 2 and found out that you’ve been hooking up with someone else while (almost) hooking up with me and while I thought we were building towards something, I would dump you on the spot.
Now, everyone is different and girl #2 may have different standards from mine, but are you willing to take this risk? I don’t think casual sex is worth potentially losing something potentially serious, but obviously this is your life, you decide what happens in it.