I’ve (24F) just entered a new relationship with my boyfriend (33M) maybe two and a half months ago, and it’s all been going well, except in one area. He’s rather well off income-wise, and in the past, he’s had at least two girlfriends who were with him to live comfortably off of his money and then cheat on him on the side. He doesn’t say it outright, but I think he’s suspicious that I’ll do the same thing. He can be pretty paranoid in relationships (which is something else I could make a post about). But honestly, with the luck he’s had, I don’t even entirely blame him for it. How can I show him that I love him for who he is, not what he can give me? How can I make him feel appreciated and not like this is some sort of transaction, or a relationship doomed from the start?
Small edit: it’s not entirely that I feel like I have to prove myself. He loves me, and to that end, I think that even if I *was* using him, he’d just let it happen so we could stay together. I love him very much and I just want to see him happy in a relationship for once.
TL;DR: I’m pretty sure my boyfriend thinks I’m using him. How can I convince him otherwise?
11 comments
You can’t. This is something that is coming from HIM. You can, however, tell him that you think it would be good for him to get into therapy for his trust issues.
How is he look physically wise?
Just be the person you intended to be, and expect him to honor that.
Don’t set yourself up to prove to him what you know is true. That isn’t a healthy dynamic for either of you. Your job is to live what is true. and to be honest with him. His job — and is the bigger job he must do if he wants this relationship to succeed — is to put his past experiences aside and extend you the trust is the respect you deserve.
Do not be in a relationship that is a constant game of proving yourself. That is not kind or healthy. That will doom the relationship. Right now, it’s all on him to get past his own shit. The best and right thing for you to do is just be honest. That’s the most help you can give him, and you were gonna do it anyways. So easy peasy.
> He can be pretty paranoid in relationships
Yeah, I’d run.
stop accepting gifts from him or even when you go out ask to split the bills. this way he’ll think you don’t come for his money.
and if you guys have sex already, show him that you need his penis a lot. esp. if you have high libido.
First, I think that you might observe that you’re two minutes into a relationship and you’re already trying to fix the other person. This is who is is, right now. You can tell him that there are things you don’t like (i.e., whatever those paranoid behaviors are — red flag there), but it’s 100% on him to decide whether those are things he wants to address for himself. If his insecurities are going to doom the relationship, that is really sad and disappointing, but that would mean that he wasn’t ready for the relationship. It would *not* mean that there were things you should have done to save a grown man from himself.
You gonna raise this 👉grown👈 man?
You can’t do shit.
He’s a 32 year old man.
We all have relationship trauma and baggage.
He decides if he’s going to act like a grownup and work through it, or act like a brat and make you deal with his inability to do a basic human action: grow and mature.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say this is why no woman in her thirties would bother with him.
You take away the money and the looks – all this dude is is work.
Women want partners, not problems to solve.
Its not your responsibility to atone for the sins of others. He is a grown man who is nearly a decade older than you. He needs to attend therapy if that is a legitimate issue.
Its weird to be this stressed about something so early in a relationship. Shouldnt you be in the honeymoon phase? Sounds exhausting to be with someone “paranoid” like two minutes in.
[No offence but how is he having MULTIPLE gold diggers do the same thing to him? What type of woman and age range is he dating? I feel like some successful men lead with money and then get shocked they are in a transactional relationship. Obviously no one deserves to be cheated on but you can certainly choose if someone is taking your money. There is a reason people keep dating the same person and its not something on your end]
No, it’s not your responsibility to fix him, but his wariness is understandable. Just be you, and hopefully he will realize that you like *him*, not his money.
He needs to get healthy before he dates anyone else. Unless you have a need to be a ‘helper [which means you have issues as well]’ tell him to get help so he can be a healthy partner.
As is, this will not end well.