I know that’s a weird way of wording it but it’s the only way I could think of.
I(19f) have been talking to a guy (22m) for about 8 months now, things are going really well and I definitely think I’m falling for him and he’s said the same, but I’m really struggling with anything sexual. It’s not like I don’t want to because I really do, I have for a long time and we’ve tried but even just kissing I start panicking and freaking out. He’s been great about it and hasn’t tried to pressure me at all, but I don’t know how much longer he’ll wait.
It doesn’t help that we’re almost never alone somewhere private because he lives with a roommate who never goes out and I live at home, and there’s almost always someone there too. So I guess I’m looking for some advice on how I can get over the panicking, and suggestions for how or where to get time alone not in public.
3 comments
I don’t know what your problem is……or…even if you HAVE a problem. I DO feel the need to remind you that sexual behaviors….despite what you see in the media and movies…..is NOT an activity so much as a process. Just because Humans are mammels does not mean you are a partner to be mounted and inseminated. This is one of the reasons I have such strong feelings against “hooking up” for the goal-oriented take it puts on sex.
Sex is actually a process that begins with attraction, moves to flirtation, continues on to initial communications, to more ardent communications, to consumation and reflection. AND…..at any one of those stages a plateau may occur and a choice made to continue or not to continue. Further, each event is a mini-compression of all of these stages, meaning that each time there is an initial response…..,say in an established relationship of any duration….all of these stages are passed through even if only abreviated manner.
Males tend to be more goal-oriented while females tend to be more process-oriented. Research suggests (See: Kinsey et al) that process-orientation tends to provide for the female orgasm that facillitates sperm access to the uterus…but thats something for another day. Right now you need to remember that when it comes to building a relationship, Negotiation through communication is HUGE….and Speed is NOT your friend. Take your time and enjoy discovering each other on multipole plains. Leave the mounting and inseminating to the cattle industry. 🙂 FWIW.
I think you need to get to the root of why you’re panicking before you can get passed it.
You can take a room in a hotel for one night for the privacy I guess. For how to make it easier, maybe have a talk with your guy first, about your fears, boundaries, what you’d like to try or not try, I think that might help.