I am a 45 f married to 47m. We are an interracial couple we have been together 25 yrs. Over the years we had major issues with both our families about our marriage about race. We have been no contact for a number of years now.
A conversation earlier in the day was brought up why I couldn’t talk to his mom anymore. She sent my Facebook messages about me using her son as a sex slave and sent a nasty article about it. I cut off contact with her because every time I try to let her in my life she does something to really hurt me. I said that was very last I will ever allow her to treat me like this and cut contact. Hubby had something’s to say to her and went minimum contact basically only call me if someone dies or if your ready to apologize. She has only called a few times in the past few years trying to start bullshit.
Anyway back to our marriage issues. Well over the years we were ending up in a dead bedroom where sex was only once a month or less. There were many times where we wasn’t having sex once every 3 months. The first 10 years of our marriage we had sex like crazy. I love it and there is nothing else better than just being with him. It was everyday at least once but many times it was several times a day. Then we had kids at the 11 yr mark and my sex drive was low for a few years. After my second kid we was having sex 3 times a week and then it dwindles to nothing. I asked him many times what is going on. I think cheating but I do believe he is not cheating. I straight up ask him what’s going on, we had a great sex life and all sweet things that we used to do just stopped. No kissing, no hugging, no slaps on my ass. I ask what is going. He says nothing. Then he tries an effort for a few days and goes back to the same way For a while we would keep having this cycle of this. I had it a few months ago said I can’t live this way no more. That I needed more physical attention from him and that it needed to be consistent. I also want to be wanted and desired. He says he does and he loves me and all that but no physical touch or attention? I don’t get it. Anyway we have been working on this and we have been having more frequent sex and even more attention like hugs and kisses. I started feeling I had my old man back. We hadn’t had sex in over a week because I had the stomach bug. I also went to the dentist 2 days before. Last night we was flirting with each other and having fun watching some game of thrones. I go take a shower and he does to. We are relaxing in bed and he asked how I feel. I said I feel ok but I can’t do oral sex you tonight and was laughing. Then says we’ll I guess I am a sex slave to you. That immediately turned me off. I just stopped everything and said let’s get some sleep. Now I don’t know what to feel. Does he feel that way about me? I now feel like a creep that I want my husband to be with me. It is wrong that I desire him? What happened to the first ten years of showing me love desire and affection? Why did he stop after kids? I asked him and there is no answer. Now I feel like the effort to fix this was a waste. Don’t want to make him want me. I don’t want to throw myself at him like a fool. I want to be with him he is the love of my life but this just hurts.
1 comment
None of us can know for sure, since its just too intimate a situation to really understand with just a few paragraphs.
That said, this is exactly the sort of situation and comment that is almost perfectly set up for maximal misunderstanding and unintentional hurt.
1. This was a specific triggering phrase. Do you know if he meant to actually call back to what his mom said?
2. Did you ask him why he said that? Did he mean to hurt you? Was it a bad joke or was it him actually expressing a way he felt?
I also want to ask, does he have trouble performing in bed? The decline in sex drive makes me think maybe a hormonal thing, especially at his age. If this is the case, he may be feeling pretty insecure about it and it’s spilling over onto you here.