I’m trying to work on myself and develop a more fulfilling life. A lot of people recommend joining clubs and finding hobbies to meet people, just get out of the house, become a more well rounded person, etc.
Logically I get all that. I’m just really having trouble even thinking of how to interact with the people at those activities because I don’t have anything to talk about with them. (I guess I also don’t know how to maintain a conversation anyway, so if anyone has advice for that too I’d really really appreciate it)
I feel like I don’t have very much in common with anyone when it comes to these more basic things that people can kind of base the beginnings of some sort of connection on.
Just to give some examples here: I don’t listen to music. I don’t have any strong interests in media like TV, movies, etc. I don’t play video games. I don’t watch or play sports. I’m not all that outdoorsy.
I’ll be getting back on campus for the start of the fall quarter soon and I’d like to start making some progress mentally and socially. I feel like this is a big stumbling block for me because it makes it hard for me to relate to others and for them to relate to me. Even joining a club
Just in case anyone reads this, I am in therapy and I’ve been taking meds for depression for a long long time now. This seems like a go to for Reddit advice so I thought I’d clear it up here.
4 comments
Don’t censor yourself. If you feel something, think something, want to say something… do it. Alcohol helps. Do use your own good judgement but take risks.
Ask questions. Give compliments to the stuff people are obviously trying to display. Keep your bullshit detector intact and well maintained.
Picking up a “subject” like sports or music and investing some time and attention into it is not selling out or unauthentic. It’s an easy step towards having something to talk to people about. Re-evaluate and correct your “subjects” and efforts as you see fit. Just don’t end up at a 44m with a lot of regrets.
“Variety is the spice of life,” so try new things. Don’t get stuck in a rut or just keep doing the same stuff and being miserable.
I have your exact issue except I do play video games it just mirrors your issue because I don’t play mainstream games so I cannot relate to others about that. I have noticed being different has no simple solution to any issues it presents to such a point that I cannot find a solution when crowdsourcing to even communities with excessive experience in that domain. I have confirmed that success rate with solutions because the question often generates the most upvotes in the respective communities and remains unanswered for days if it is ever even answered.
I wish you all the best in doing the seemingly impossible and getting feedback for this cryptic issue.
You sound like maybe you didn’t get enough practice growing up mixing with people or watching role models have much of a social life. Unless you’re on the autism spectrum which means these things will not naturally come to you, or maybe you have ADHD as they can struggle socially as well but it is very different case to case as to how much it affects people. I don’t know if you’d relate to the schizoid type either (google schizoid if you don’t know what this is). It does take a long time learning to blend in if it didn’t come naturally to you. By that I mean, once you’re an adult and you decided to consciously change, it still takes years or decades of gradually working at it. I’ve learned to watch what others do and gradually find ways I can relate to other people’s ways of talking or experiences if I can find a connection. But you can’t force it. There needs to be some ‘you’ in it too. Find out what you actually do enjoy doing and you can’t be the only one. Try watching the tv shows others like, reading, gaming, cooking, gardening, researching things you want to know about, finding alternative kinds of music on the internet if you don’t like the popular stuff. The world is full of interesting things to a never ending degree thanks to the internet. I could not possibly believe that you have no interests and enjoy nothing.
Therapy is good but if it’s been more than a couple years and you don’t feel you have any more understanding of yourself then I’d shop around for another therapist who really gets you and doesn’t put all the pressure on you to just magically change. You may have some psychological block from the past that makes you think you can’t or shouldn’t connect with others, on an unconscious level. It’s common. This stuff is rarely conscious to us.
You sound like maybe you didn’t get enough practice growing up mixing with people or watching role models have much of a social life. Unless you’re on the autism spectrum which means these things will not naturally come to you, or maybe you have ADHD as they can struggle socially as well but it is very different case to case as to how much it affects people. It does take a long time learning to blend in if it didn’t come naturally to you. By that I mean, once you’re an adult and you deduced you consciously change, it still takes years or decades of gradually working at it. I’ve learned to watch what others do and gradually find ways I can relate to other people’s ways of talking or experiences if I can find a connection. But you can’t force it. There needs to be some ‘you’ in it too. Find out what you actually do enjoy doing and you can’t be the only one. Try watching the tv shows others like, reading, gaming, finding alternative kinds of music on the internet if you don’t like the popular stuff. The world is full of interesting things to a never ending degree thanks to the internet. I could not possibly believe that you have no interests and enjoy nothing.
Therapy is good but if it’s been more than a couple years and you don’t feel you have any more understanding of yourself then I’d shop around for another therapist who really gets you and doesn’t put all the pressure on you to just magically change. You may have some psychological block from the past that makes you think you can’t or shouldn’t connect with others, on an unconscious level. It’s common. This stuff is rarely conscious to us.