So I (21f) recently went on two hinge date with the same guy (24 m) after texting on the app for 3 days and it was great. It was fun and I enjoyed them. I didn’t really notice anything weird during the dates other than him telling me that he had an argument with his sister where he punched a mirror where got hurt as a results, leaving a scar on his finger.

We were going to go on another date but something came up so we discord called instead. At this point we have discord called three times, each time it was before we went to bed and I started to notice that he would make jokes (what I assumed to be jokes) about beating and punching me… Like last night he showed me his Minecraft world and proceed to kill a polar bear and cub. When his Minecraft character was punching the polar bear he would say that’s you… to me. I was in shock that I didn’t say anything but I wished I did. ( it sound stupid writing this but I was concerned)

Also to add I told him that I wasn’t comfortable going on night dates and going in his car ( both for safety reasons and that I lived at least an hour to an hour and a half away from him) but he keeps suggesting that we go out at night and that he will give me a ride.

I think they are red flags considering its only been 2 dates and 3 discord calls and I already am worried he is going to make more punching jokes and continue to push my boundaries. My problem is now what? Should I confront him about this then break it off as reasons not to continue to date or just let him know Im not interested in dating him anymore no reason given ? Or are these not red flags for others?

I have not dated anyone before him and so I have no idea what I am doing. Please help! Thank you!

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Update: I politely let him know it wasn’t working and like good luck bye! And he was chilled about it ! Thank you everyone! 🙂

25 comments

  2. No one going to be a better judge of your comfort or safety than you.
    Seems to me like you already know your answer.

  5. He sounds very sketchy indeed, does say politely it’s no working out for you and leave it at that. You do not have to explain yourself.

  6. These are red flags for, at worst, violent, psychopathic tendencies.

    Don’t give him reasons. This may cause backlash to someone who may be disturbed and because it continues to engage him, and gives him a chance to recant and act better (temporarily).

    Just do whatever makes you stay and feel safe. Don’t worry about his feelings. Do what feels safest to you.

  11. Ghost and block him is the way to go here.

    Honestly, I would’ve seen even punching a mirror in anger as a red flag. I think it’s concerning that he became so angry that he couldn’t stop himself from punching something. Granted that may not be a red flag to everyone but I see it as one.

    The constant joking about punching you though is absolutely a red flag. He’s testing boundaries to see if you’re okay with threats. If you don’t leave when he makes the threats then he will think it’s okay to emotionally and physically abuse you. Get out now. There’s no reason to even break up, because this is creepy enough that you should cut off contact ASAP. You do not owe him an explanation.

  14. At 21 I am sad you need to ask.. that domestic violence joking motherfucker isn’t the vibe. Joke about renting a boat for a day on the lake, joke about doubling up and shooting people at paintball, joke about skydiving, goddam joke about sex. Don’t fucking joke about beating a woman up.

    It be dope if you had some down ass friends and make it seem like you were gonna be alone to hang out and then get him around 3 or 4 other dudes and see if he jokes about that shit then.

  15. Block. Btw I’m single and available and have the sense not to assault objects or people.

  16. Always. Trust. Your. Gut.

    If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise; they’re trying because that’s in THEIR best interests, not yours.

  19. These are SO many red flags. One red flag means you reconsider, or you keep an eye out for more.

    Multiple red flags means you run. Truthfully, just the story of the sister would be enough for me.

  24. I’m glad you reached out to this group and decided to prioritise your safety.

    Your gut feel was 100% spot on about this guy. It’s taken me a number of years to truly trust my own judgement, and it sounds like this might be a challenge for you.

    I highly recommend reading or listening to Gavin DeBecker’s book “The Gift of Fear: survival signals that protect us from violence”. Trigger warning, as some of the experiences shared as examples are horrible, but this book has been a huge help to me navigating personal safety, especially around dating.

  25. 👏👏👏no that wasn’t normal I’m a guy and telling a female even as a joke I’d punch them isn’t on

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