Currently, I live with my dad(80s) and brother. My dad and I(26) live in the main house. Despite my dad’s age, dad is very healthy. He still drives himself around. I’m happy that my dad enjoys wanting to work and having his hobbies, rather than being home all day. While my brother lives in the back unit. All of my siblings have a home of their own, except my brother. He doesn’t have the financial means to buy his own place. He constantly fights with my dad about our family’s assets. It’s getting exhausting. Therefore, my dad has agreed to put an end to this.
Out of the goodness of my dad’s heart, he wants to continue let my brother living in the back unit. My dad and I are going to rent out the main house. We’ll use that rental income to find a new place to live. I decided to go into escrow on a house that I really like. However, my dad isn’t super fond of my choice of city and neighborhood. It’s not as “nice” as our current city, which is 2 miles away.
This is just a starter home. I’m planning to build a new home in 2 years. This house needs work but I’m an investor. I’ve built so many homes. I never fail to make it look pretty. What can I do to convince my dad to move here?
Tl:dr- my dad wants to move. But doesn’t like the neighborhood I’m buying and thinks it’s a mistake. This is just a starter home. I want my dad and I to not have to stress over living with my brother anymore. I’m going to remodel this house and hopefully this will convince him to move. How can I persuade him to move here?
2 comments
This is all kinds of fucked up.
IF you are determined to move with dad, it needs to be a joint decision.
If you can’t agree on somewhere, then YOU need to put your OWN needs first. Bluntly, he’s 80, he can live anywhere, but you have your job and your fixer-upper projects to consider, you are building your new life and you have less flexibility on where to live – and at 26 yeah of course you’re gonna be living in less nice “low-rent” places for a while.
TLDR Save yourself. Dad either comes with or doesn’t.
Your father is an adult and he is also old. I find it acceptable that, in his age – even if he is still fit – he doesn’t want to move several times or into a home he doesn’t like anymore.
Moving is likely already taking a toll on him. It would on every 80-years-old person. And then he’s also supposed to move into a “starter-home” he doesn’t like, in a different city he likes less *and* then you expect him to move in two years *again*.
I think that you need to take your father’s age into account. He doesn’t have enough lifetime left to deal with long-term investments and renovations, moving after a few years again, getting uprooted from the city he calls home into a neighborhood he doesn’t like. All of this might actually cause him more stress and long-term unhappiness than your brother, believe it or not.
If you want to keep living together with your father, I think you need to put his needs first. You have a lot of lifetime left to buy or build your forever-home which makes you happy. You won’t have to take your father’s opinion into account forever because he won’t be around forever. That’s a fact. But as long as he’s still here, as long as you have time left with him, you shouldn’t “persuade” him to do something he doesn’t want to do. So many old people have their last move be one they don’t want to make – from their home into a care facility. Don’t force your father to go through more moves he isn’t liking at his age.
And don’t tell me that “he’s still fit” or “you’ll renovate the house to be easy to traverse even if he ends up needing a wheelchair” or whatever. It’s not about that. It’s about being old and wanting to spend the last years of your life in a place that feels like home.