I have a friend who I don’t see very often anymore, but we recently made plans to get together for dinner. We’ve known each other about 10 years.
For reference, although we don’t discuss specifics, we both have debt and seem to be in somewhat similar financial situations. I always have had a stable living situation though, whereas he has a history of couch surfing, staying with his parents, that sort of thing. He has a place now, but didn’t earlier this year. Just for added context. In fact, I met him when he was couch surfing at my cousin’s place, and that was years ago.
So, we agreed to get dinner. I suggested a few restaurants around where I live, and let him pick. I said I would pay, since he would be driving to me. We’re only about 15 miles away, so 30 miles round trip…probably no more than $5 in gas.
At the restaurant, he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, about 1.5 times more expensive than most of the other items. He also got a drink, and we shared an app as well.
When the bill came, I paid for the entire thing, plus the tip. And, I also paid for parking when we were leaving. It was about $65 total, which doesn’t break the bank, but still.
He never said thank you. And there was nothing like “next time, it’s on me” either.
Even though I said I would pay and I meant it, I wasn’t expecting him to order the most expensive thing…and I WAS expecting him to contribute at least a little something. Maybe chip in for the tip, pay for parking, something?? I feel taken advantage of, but am I just being petty?
Tl;dr Friend kinda has a history of mooching, I recently offered to pay for dinner but he picked the most expensive thing and didn’t say thanks.
20 comments
>I feel taken advantage of, but am I just being petty?
You offered. He accepted. You’re now reneging in public forums? (yes)
Does he have a history of similar behavior or is this the first time?
He’s worse. A moocher casually uses people for things.
This guy orders the most expensive thing on the menu because it make him feel powerful to have forced you to pay a lot.
He will never treat you because to that kind of person it means you got an advantage and he lost an advantage.
His view of the world doesn’t contain reciprocity as a virtue.
$65 is money well spent to find out how much you feel comfortable spending on a friend without reciprocation. Now in the future you can decide if you are going to pay for dinner, you are going to pick the restaurant, and then pick one that doesn’t serve alcohol or have fancy expensive dishes. Or you can just decide that dutch is the way to go.
As for your friend, if you’d thought about it a bit, you wouldn’t have been surprised that he is the kind to take full advantage of a hand out. You were expecting him to feel uncomfortable imposing on you, but this is a guy who regularly couch surfs and stays with his parents. He’s made imposing on other people a regular lifestyle choice.
This guy is NOT your friend, and he is worse than a moocher.
Idk if he’s a moocher. But its rude as hell to order the most expensive thing on the menu just because he’s getting a free meal. Doesn’t even seem like he’s grateful considering he can’t even say a word of thanks. I’d let it go, but I wouldn’t do it again.
I would call him a Macho Moocher. I would also say he is a spoilt rotten man who takes advantage of nice girls like you and you have enabled him to do this in some small way.(like the rest do) You should have set it up ahead of time to go Dutch Or we don’t break bread. No thanks, No kiss my butt, I’d be done breaking anything now except UP with that guy. A kind freebie tip here.
I understand where you’re coming from (when I was poor, as I was for most of my life, I always ordered from menus by looking at the cheapest options first), but where I come from, paying $65 for dinner for two adults is cheap. You did offer to pay for him, so maybe he interpreted that as “treat yourself! Indulge!” I personally would never pick the most expensive thing on a menu, but there’s no real indication in your post whether he ordered the most expensive burger at a burger joint, or whether he ordered a lobster when there were perfectly good pasta options.
Do you consider the value of his company worth the price of treating him? If not, let the friendship go. If yes, then next time offer to meet at a cafe/pub, or split a pizza at your place.
> he has a history of couch surfing, staying with his parents, that sort of thing.
People like this get through life by helping themselves to what’s on offer. “Chip in” or “make a contribution” doesn’t occur to them because they don’t (or believe they don’t) have anything to offer. If you want to continue the friendship, only offer what you’re willing to give up. Don’t expect him to meet you halfway and offer to chip in on parking, tip, drinks, whatever, because that’s clearly not how he functions.
Wait for him to reciprocate – invite you out and offer to pay. If he will do it at some point in the future, maybe he’s not a moocher.
Some people are not very good at expressing themselves – do you think he might be one of them? I didn’t always tell people next time it’s on me, but I would try to contact them later and make it up to them.
Why did you offer to pay for his dinner? You wanted to see him, and thought that he would only come if his dinner is paid for? If friends ask me out for dinner, I go because I enjoy their company, not because they pay for my dinner.
And a piece of advice I read on here a while ago – if you want to pay for someone’s dinner, tell them after they order, but before the bill comes. If they expect to pay for their meal, they’ll choose something whithin their budget, and you won’t feel taken advantage of.
$65 for two entrees, an appetizer, a drink, and parking. Even at 1.5 times the cost of most the other entree choices, how much could it have cost?
32 bucks for a nice dinner, a drink and parking? That’s liiiiiike not that much. Him not thanking you is kind of douche but I can’t see a $32 night out as being abusive
Meh I kinda feel that you knew his history, knew his situation, offered to pay, he accepted it. Seems you got yourself into this situation, maybe see it as “school money”, now you know that hanging out with these types of people will only cost you money, and is something you can nip in the bud.
You said you would pay. Like I get your point here, but this is entirely on you. Is he a mooch? Yes. Should you continue to be friends with him? Up to you, but sounds like you shouldn’t. But ultimately you said you would pay. The guy was given an opportunity for a free meal and he took it to the fullest extent. Don’t offer next time.
You opened the door and he went after it like he won the lottery.
STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH LAZY ASS PEOPLE WHO WILL USE ANY OPPORTUNITY TO USE YOU AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU
CUT TIES IMMEDIATELY
Lesson learned
Hmmm, well I can honestly say I can and have personally ran up $65+ on myself on a dinner, and I’m not even talking about an expensive restaurant. And you DID let him pick and offered to pay. BUT
The question is, do you feel like he took advantage? Do you feel like he mooched? Is this the first time he’s made you feel this way? While you may have thought he would offer to chip in on the tip, does it surprise you that he didn’t?
I have friends like this, they will suddenly reach out to you wondering what they can get out of you, then disappear. What’s going on is the people in his direct circle have stopped dealing with his mooching, so he’ll work his way around his “outskirts/occasional acquaintances” and get what he can out of them for a while, making his closer friends think he’s straightened himself out a bit, so he can go right back to working on them.
Professional couch surfers are really good at this kind of thing.
I hope you learned your lesson here
He is a moocher, and you are being petty.
He lives with his parents and couch surfs. To be honest I don’t find that being an independent and responsible adult. You shouldn’t expect more than that from him
I’m sorry but anyone in the comments trying to gaslight you into saying 65 dollars is cheap is lying in order to normalize other people paying for their benefit.
My BFF lives 20 miles away and we switch off on meeting for dinner and paying but she pays more often than I do. I also tutor her and help her with a lot of technology needs lol but for me that’s free. She however likes to take me out and I stopped fighting it. We go out to nice restaurants but I never order more than a 15 dollar plate. 30 dollars is even on the high end at those Texas steakhouses.
I mean we know that our relationship is symbiotic so we always appreciate when each other pays or drives the other way.
Your friend is a Mooch and ANYONE who orders the more expensive items when they are invited out to eat is trash and greedy and not a genuine friend.
32 dollars is expensive and anyone trying to normalize clearly doesn’t understand the value of a dollar.
It WAS rude of him to pick the most expensive item , but VERY rude to not even thank you. Lack of money does not excuse either of those things.
It was also not in good form that he didn’t at least cover the tip, or parking – although that *might have* been due to severe lack of funds.
You did, however , say that he has a “history” of mooching – so this is the real issue. If remaining friends with him is something you want to do, I would not continue to entertain him at my own expense. You say you don’t see him much anymore, so perhaps it won’t really be an issue. However, if you know him to be a mooch, don’t go anywhere with him unless you are sure he’s paying, or unless it’s free. The lack of a mere “Thank you” ALONE would put me off for any future outings with him.
You paid $65 to learn the nature of this “friend”.
You got a deal!