I don’t know how to feel right now
My current boyfriend has had a lot of relationships, for a start. Over 50. We’re still teenagers.
I’ve come to understand that he develops feelings quickly and wants to get sexual soon after, and that’s how he was with me too. Before me, he was in a poly relationship with one of my best friends, whom I’ve been close to for 5 years now, and his girlfriend. I knew that they hadn’t been together long but I figured something had to have happened. He’s been ostracized by their friend group for the last few weeks because of something that he did that he claimed to know nothing about. Today, I told him I was finally going to learn what happened, and he broke down and admitted to me, in spoken words, that he and my aforementioned best friend had sex.
I can’t fault him for that. It wouldn’t be fair. So for a moment I start to think that I can still handle it, but I’m already getting nauseous.
He tells me that my friend had him promise not to tell his girlfriend about what had happened. He agreed. If the girlfriend didn’t understand what was going on, and I don’t know how involved she was, that would make it my boyfriend’s third time having cheated on one of his romantic partners. If she was fully involved in the poly business, it still feels weird and shitty that they would try to keep it from her. And from me.
He told me that he had changed, promised that he could never do anything remotely like cheating again. I feel lied to and I feel like something has been stolen from me.
I feel disgusting having been sexually involved with him, now that the mental image of him and my friend is firmly in place. It’s no right of mine to tell him he can’t have sex with people he cares about, but what do I do with these feelings?
TL;DR
Current boyfriend was in a poly relationship with one of my best friends before we started dating, revealed tonight that he lied to the other members of that relationship about his sexual interactions with my friend, and I feel gross about it as his partner.
7 comments
he’s not for you. sorry
>but what do I do with these feelings?
Well I doubt you’re just going to erase them from your brains hard drive….so you’ll probably just have to live with it.
If you feel gross….theres not much you can do to change those feelings. Thats a strong emotion.
Probably not the best person for you long term. I think you’d agree.
For a poly relationship to work all parties have to be involved and on board and all boundries must be respected. That’s not the case here.
Also still a teen and 50+ relationships? He needs therapy cause that’s not healthy.
Also your best friend slept with a guy and asked him go hide it and he went along with it, stay with him and they’ll do it to you, if not her someone else.
Walk away.
you’re dating a mega h0e. it’d be a miracle if he doesn’t have any stds
I would suggest walking away from this as soon as possible. I don’t think you’ll be able to have a solid healthy relationship with him. The fact that he lied to other members of his past poly relationship is already a huge red flag. If he lied to them, he could lie to you too.
Feeling that ick is completely valid, and I feel like it’s your intuition kicking in. Leave him while you can, It’s only a matter of time before he hurts you too.
Don’t waste your time on this shitty guy that doesn’t deserve you.
While you can’t change what he did in the past you do get to have a say in your future. He’s says that he’s changed but what has he done to do that? Has he gone to therapy? Joined a sex addict anonymous group? From the sounds of it he’s got issues that need to be addressed before he can be in any type of relationship. Relationships need to be founded in trust and you can’t trust him with your heart or body.
I can give you many reasons, the why, and the how …. but your inta gratification andser is.
Stay and Keep away,