throwaway. So my bf(m26) and I(f21) have been together for almost 2 years now and recently I was going through his my eyes only on snap with him and I knew his passcode to it because I’ve been shown it before when he put all of my content in the folder. I assumed I would only see us, and I was wrong. He had two videos with another girl from before we started dating. I am not bothered by him having relations before me but it really hurt that he kept those for months while we were dating. We were very serious and I was planning on spending my life with him. He did immediately delete them and told me he just forgot they were there. I questioned him about it because I couldn’t understand how he never saw they were there if my videos were right next to it and how had he shown me my videos before but known to stop scrolling before getting to those and he admitted that it was kind of a “collection” thing and that made my heart burst. He also admitted that this is a friend that he wanted me to hang out with saying we were similar and would get along well. He has gone back to saying he never knew they were there and that it was an accident but I haven’t felt the same since. I do not trust him and this isn’t the first time he’s given me a reason to not trust him. However, I genuinely think he’s one of the best men I’ve met and I love him and his family and I have invested so much into this relationship to prove that I’d do anything for him. I’m just so sad that this is where were at. He thinks I’m reacting stronger than he would. Do I have reason to not fully believe his story or am I being too anxious and just need to mature about these things?
TLDR: my partner had old nudes from another girl and said he forgot they were there, is he telling the truth?
13 comments
Oh my god don’t let him introduce you to her the possibility has been tainted and weird to suggest you’re similar. While still holding onto things like that.
Good God…
You can’t possibly believe this?
And, “I have invested so much into this relationship to prove that I’d do anything for him.”????
You are 21 years old…wth is wrong with you?
Know your worth.
He apologized and deleted the media from his phone but then I read further and your gut is telling you something is not right. ” I do not trust him and this isn’t the first time he’s given me a reason to not trust him.” There must be other history you did not disclose so you may want to rethink your commitment.
>He had two videos with another girl from before we started dating. …… it really hurt that he kept those for months while we were dating. ……. He did immediately delete them
Had he broken a promise to not keep such videos? Or did you feel that was implied / understood?
> I do not trust him and this isn’t the first time he’s given me a reason to not trust him.
What was the nature of the earlier incident?
>However, I genuinely think he’s one of the best men I’ve met
You met him when you were 19, and he’s given you multiple reasons not to trust him in a short two year period. Meanwhile you bend over backwards for him and for what?
>He thinks I’m reacting stronger than he would.
He would absolutely lose his shit if he found out you were masturbating to a male friend.
Your boyfriend has posted his version of this incident too.
According to one of his posts he also has a substance abuse issue that he hid from you. Stop wasting your time on this guy. He clearly has problems with honesty.
>He also admitted that this is a friend that he wanted me to hang out with saying we were similar and would get along well.
He probably wanted a harem.
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Dump him, block him, don’t take him back.
Honestly I think he’s still seeing the other girl… also the whole will you do anything for me stinks of he’s cheating and he’s banking on using it to make you forgive him. Oh and again the whole will you do anything is a massive red flag
You are too naive. Dump his lying butt.
Everything else aside, do yourself a HUGE favor. Delete any pics or vids of a personal “my eyes only” nature from his phone or anywhere else they may be hiding, and don’t send anymore. If you found those pics of his ex, god only knows who might see your pics/vids or where they might end up on the internet. My gf has first hand knowledge of what that feels like.
Here’s the deal. Everyone on here doesn’t have the emotional investment and it’s really easy for them to say anything they want one way or another. We all project our realities into our own opinions and your situation.
The truth of the matter is you have to make a decision if it’s something you wish to pursue or not. It could be something innocent, it cannot be. That is every relationship in every interaction. In the situation he could’ve just forgot and he deleted them. I think if he knew and remembered they were there he wouldn’t of went through that with you. Some people just tell themselves I have to delete this or that before I forget and they just keep forgetting because it’s not some thing they’re in often or they’re even viewing often. It sounds more irresponsible than distrustful.
As far as the history of not being able to trust him, that’s between you and him. You guys are young so you’re gonna have to understand that neither of you are in a place where you’re perfect. You’re going to hurt each other, you’re going to have areas in your life you need to work on, and you’re gonna have to really hunker down and learn to communicate very very well.
He clearly has this EX whom he still thinks of as a friend and wants you also to be included. Many of US(me too)have pix of the past with even an EX..I had lived with an EX for years platonic ally and we did okay. But it is not for everyone nor in everyone’s life nor relationships at present. Other things you might not have trusted him on? I feel you. Hard to really commit to a trusting man. Always a slim doubt.
I’m not excusing anything but I’m going to play The devil’s advocate right now. Have you ever fantasized about an ex while you masturbate?