So I (33m) have been recently meeting women; looking for a long-term relationship, and primarily I meet women who of course have more experience than I do in relationships and sex, especially considering that I’m a virgin in my 30s with little to no intimate experience to speak of.

I am currently seeing someone (28f) with whom I’m set to go on a third date, and she seems to want to get more flirtatious and eventually get comfortable talking about sex. She is very confident and has already revealed her past relationships and sexual exploits on our last date, and she casually did ask about my experiences, but I was mainly coy about it (for obvious reasons). I’ve sort of decided to reveal to her the next time I see her that I am a virgin and see how she reacts and if she wants to continue to take things further.

So I guess my question really is, how does one in my situation even go about revealing such a thing to women he hopes to date long-term without coming off too embarrassed and/or unattractive,? Because something like this is considered unexpected and uncommon in today’s day in age.

For the record, I did reveal to one girl I met before in a playful way. She did find it amusing and became a lot more interested and invested in seeing me post that. But I can’t say I’ll get that reaction from most women I meet.

41 comments

  2. That’s the neat part, you don’t!

    Do not under any circumstances disclose that shit. Make something up. Women make their decisions based on social cuing and preselection and you WILL be dumped on the spot if you say that.

  3. Don’t bring it up yourself. If she asks just say you are not all that experienced ,and let it go at that. If she keeps prying, just keep saying you dated some but are not all that experienced.

    If/when the time comes, then you can mention it is your first time

  4. Regardless of how cool you can look while saying that, all in all what matters is how does she feel about the fact itself. This is both a problem, because you can’t do much about it, and an opportunity, because you will know right away if you can continue to date her and hope for a good relationship or not.

    I’m pretty sure that if you’ve been knowing each others she already has a general idea of your personality, and she probably likes it. So I’d say the chances she’ll stay are greater than the ones she won’t.

    We have a general misconception about people’s judgement of sexual inexperience. We tend to think than a more experienced person is going to perform best. While women with some experience know that the quality of the sex doesn’t depend that strictly with their partners’ experience, and more with their openness to learn, communicate, and their ability to be honest about doubts. I have some female friends who told me their stories, and aside from abuses, there are guys that hold a sense of pride of their performances, exactly because they are convinced of their experience, and this can ruin the mood and limit communication.

    I still remember of a guy I was kinda envious of, he was tall and extroverted and apparently very experienced. At a party, he kissed a girl I was also attracted to, but he bit her lips because he thought it was sexy. It wasn’t, it just hurt. I didn’t make that mistake when I had my first kiss, even though I was far less inexperienced.

    I hope this can reassure you that you can, and should, expect her to understand and not lose attraction about it. And if she does, that’s her choice and feelings, not something you are accountable for.

  6. Idk why all the comments are saying to not reveal that you’re a virgin. starting a relationship/date off with a lie is a bad idea. Just be upfront and honest and accept whatever reaction she has.

  7. Didn’t lose my virginity until 24, didn’t kiss until 19. Result? They could tell but they just love it if you can match their kissing pattern or sex pattern. It’s gonna be nerve racking but once it starts, just go with it. If you over think every single motion, you’re not gonna be able to relax and it’s gonna be awkward af.

  8. 32F here.. If I was you I wouldn’t tell her. No shade about being a virgin, just better to fake it til you make it in my opinion. This could give her thoughts about why you haven’t been with other women and she could ultimately lose interest. Not worth it.

  10. I would say it’s not necessary to volunteer that information, but if she asks just be honest.

    I didn’t kiss, date or have sex until my now-ex earlier this year, at the age of 35. I never told her any of that and she never asked. She still doesn’t know. All I ever said to her was that I didn’t have much relationship experience, but I didn’t go into detail.

  11. Hey man. You’re definitely getting contradictory advice. But I can tell you for certain. Do not lie. Don’t say you have been with x number of women. Lying is never good.
    However, this is a common question on here. How do I reveal to this girl that I’m a virgin. And this answer is, you don’t have to. Your past sexual experiences are your business only and no one else’s. If you get into a relationship with her you may reveal that if you wish but if she’s asking you can either tell her if you want, or tell her that you don’t have a lot of experience and don’t want to talk about exes.
    I don’t believe it’s as big a deal for most women as people think it is, but it may be a turnoff. But you just need to have sex once and then you’re not a virgin anymore. She seems into you so maybe you should think about making a move here.

  14. So what happened to the last girl that you told you had no experience? Why did you not become sexual with her. I almost feel like there is something missing to this story.

  15. I am in the same boat, but I wouldn’t admit it in as many words, just be like “yeah, it’s been awhile, I might need some refreshers”.

  17. You don’t. If you’re under suspicion for being shy or rusty in bed it’s because you took a vacation from dating 2 years ago to ” find yourself”. Just appear eager and willing to get back to romance and you’ll be all good. 👍

  18. Why does it have to be “revealed”? Why be so dramatic about it? live your life and put aside. Its not who you are…

  20. OP I was a late in life virgin and I usually just tell those that are curious that I was a late bloomer. Some men I told up front – most were completely turned off because they were just looking for a fling. But one person – the right person- didn’t mind at all and that made me comfortable and willing to communicate and explore sex with him.

    My point is, the right person won’t care. And you’ll be so comfortable with them the awkwardness will be fleeting. Anytime you start dating someone new and kiss them for the first time or have sex for the first time, it’s a learning curve. And not much different than losing your virginity.

    Personally, I didn’t tell my first lover I was a virgin until his hands were in my vagina. The way I responded to his touch clued him in and he straight up asked me. I did not lie, but I learned not to volunteer the info.

    I think you’re asking the wrong question here – with each dating experience you should ask yourself : do I feel enthusiastic and trust this person enough to have sex? If the answer is yes- go for it. If making out is turning you on too much break the ice by asking if you can go down on her. That is what all my best lovers have done.

  24. If she asks just be confident and tell her “Honestly, I haven’t been with anyone yet (for this and this reason if you want to add that)”.

  25. Don’t. Lie. It will suck once but after that you won’t be lying when you tell them.

    “Oh no, is there a reason he is a kissless virgin?? There must be, so I’ll be safe and pass on him.” – Every woman ever

  29. I do understand why so many are telling you to hide your inexperience, but I think that it will backfire. Most people’s first time is stressful and doesn’t go that well. If you let her think you know what you’re doing, she may be pretty disappointed in the sex. I’ve had my fair share of kissing men and the terrible kissers didn’t get beyond that.

  30. Don’t bring it up unless she asks and don’t go into detail, that’s where you will shoot yourself in the foot unintentionally . People don’t have to know every detail about you, and women tend to judge you for information like this. It’s better kept a mystery.

  32. It’s not something you need to be embarrassed about or come out about. Would it be untrue to say you hadn’t found the right person yet? I’m not saying to lie but is it necessary for her to know you haven’t kissed anyone? There are plenty of bad kissers and people who suck in bed who have a lot of experience if that’s what you’re nervous about.

  36. Really alarming how many people are telling you to straight up lie lol people think this stuff matters much more than it actually does. Being vague isn’t a solution either since everyone will interpret your vague explanations differently. Yeah it’ll turn some people off but not everybody. The right person won’t mind. Nothing wrong with being honest and vulnerable with people, relationships don’t work without either. Just be confident and own who you are.

  37. It’s so easy to say that you’ve slept around and if you’re neat looking and confident enough, no one will disbelieve you

    For example. There wouldn’t be any physical change in my body if I were a virgin. Yet, whether I say I’m Virgin or have slept with 7 Women till date (All long term relationships), no one can tell if I’m telling the truth or not. I might even say it’s 17 and no one will disbelieve as long as it’s within context and doesn’t sound braggy

    Just do that

  38. Wow I am in the same situation but am a 28 F – I would recommend being honest. If someone is that turned off then it’s not meant to work out.

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