So I started dating my GF 5 months ago. She’s religious no sex until marriage and I’m atheist I was raised in church but as I got older I established my own views I just don’t believe god is real. I know very unlikely couple I don’t fully know how it came about either but it works for us. Around our 3 month mark she wanted me to meet her mother but warned me that her mother is much more religious than her. The first time I met her I actually went to church and we had Sunday dinner and that’s when I revealed to her family that I don’t believe in god and her mother became visibly upset calling me a faker and saying how could I even go to church and be in her house if I’m not a god fearing man and even accused me of trying to taint her daughter say. It was very tense and sense then her mom didn’t like me. Now my gf and I had an agreement that I would go to church with her twice out of the month I did it because of course I respected her beliefs and I know how happy me being there with her made her, even if I did not care to hear what they were saying. A week ago her mother invited me to church with them and at their church they have a segment where they welcome all of the visitors and let them introduce themselves. Her mother took that opportunity to tell me to stand up and introduce myself and let the whole church know that I did not believe in god. I was very embarrassed I did not like being called out, but I stood my ground and said I don’t believe in god I’m only here for my gf I know how much it means for me to be here and support her. And the preacher said “rather it be god or love I’m happy you’re here and you’re welcome any time you like”. Safe to say her mother did not like that and when we got back to her home she kicked me out and said it was very disrespectful for me to be there and that I was a faker for dating her daughter and going to church. When honestly I just enjoy being there for my gf there’s no I’ll intent it doesn’t bother me when she prays, I’ve never once faked anything I’ve done for her the wild part is her mother is the only person in her family who has an issue with me. She supports and understands me the same way I do for her. She’s the only girl I’ve ever dated that feels right for me because there are no crazy expectations it just nice and peaceful besides her mom. I know this is also hurting my gf too she cries and prays about it.
17 comments
Your GF is going to have to make a choice.
I wouldn’t go to the mother’s home ever again. If you wish to continue to go to church services with your gf, do so. Be civil to the mother if you see her at church, but don’t engage her in conversation. I’d say that you got a good welcome from the pastor. You did an excellent job of standing up for yourself and showed a lot of maturity. If the mother continues to give you grief, I would look for another church to attend with your gf. Wishing you the best of luck going forward.
I don’t think your gf has to choose between you and her mother at all. She is free to see her mother without you. There is nothing to be gained by exposing yourself to the mother’s hatefulness, though, seeing you will just set her off on a rant. See if it is possible to have the life you want with your gf without the mother playing such a huge role in both of your lives.
Updateme!
Unless she is willing to stand up to her parents, this isn’t going to work long term.
Your girlfriend doesn’t really have to choose between you two now, but eventually she will. Sure, it’ll work out for a while. But what about if you two get married? Have kids? Move away? Is she gonna run back to her mom to placate her and leave you behind until her mom calms down? Are you gonna be able to handle what could be a lifetime of hostile behavior? I’m not saying this relationship is doomed, but I am saying that the two of you need to have a serious talk about what you can and cannot handle from her mother and if she is willing to choose you if it would come down to that.
I like that preacher! I’m more of an agnostic than atheist.
Run now! Unless you GF is going to give up her mom this will always cause issues.
>I don’t fully know how it came about either but it works for us.
You mean it *worked* for you. It doesn’t anymore. If her mother is this intolerant, and your GF is unwilling to stand up to her Mom (like, maybe moving out), your relationship has no chance. Your GF is already crying and praying about it, FFS!
It a gigantic religious boulder, OP. And you’re the guy trying to push it with a feather duster. It’s nor gonna work.
She’s mad she got put in her place
Is there a reason you need to keep going around her mother? The woman clearly has no respect for you. I’m surprised your gf lets your mother talk to you this way, pretty sad imo. I’d stop going to the mothers house .
Just…if you want kids in the future, you need to discuss now with her what the boundaries are and how you would approach religion with your children. So many stories of people who date for years, get married, etc. knowing they have opposite beliefs, and then the kids come and they can’t believe their partner would teach them their own beliefs. You have to get that out in the open before you are in the position of having one on the way.
Religion is a wonderful thing, until…… You are right in being honest to yourself and honest about your beliefs to those around you. My family is deeply religious, I am not, when they ask me why I am this way, I just say I am waiting for God to speak to me. Then I’ll go all religious, so far God has not spoken. I’m also hard of hearing. Anyway, stay away from her mom, you can’t appease such people. And yes, you are being a good partner by supporting your girlfriend.
People like your gf’s mother are one of the reasons people don’t like religion. Yall have a great preacher.
My grandma always told me that God is love and the devil is hate. As long as you believe in love than you will be with me in Heaven.
Yo gf’s mother speakin from the devil
hope you dont plan on having kids
Marry her and have 10 atheist babies.
My man, you sound quite young. This is what you call a fundamental incompatibility. You guys have fundamentally different views and it has already soured the relationship. It sounds like your first relationship so obviously you’d want it to work. But part of growing is also understanding when to recognize that a situation is not healthy and should be avoided. This is one of those times. Sure she’s a nice girl and means well, it’s probably a great relationship. But unless some major changes happened it’s pretty much doomed. You will never be enough for her mother and unless your gf is willing to completely cut her out at some point this will always be a stain on the relationship. Relationships don’t always end because something bad happens. Sometimes it’s for things out of your control. Sure it’s easier to stay, but the better choice is to leave. I think you know that.