Are there actually men who are attracted to their partner at any size?

38 comments

1. Yes we exist…I don’t care if I am into you I am into you. I am sure there is a limit. I prefer some softness and curves though. But the I can’t imagine a too skinny or too big to be a problem. Short of the extreme on both ends

2. Fluctuations don’t matter, but thats not ‘any’ size 10-15lb is a slack year, but if it goes up like that every year, that’s a problem.

   Relationships aren’t unconditional love, unconditional love is for your children only. There’s an implicit contract to remain a resemblance of the person they married, age and illness excepted. Its gesture of respect to the person you chose to stay in shape for them not use the cover of your bond to let yourself go

3. I think with each man there is a different level of tolerance to it, it’s not that 15 or 20 LBS looks bad men are worried for the future, gaining 5 LBS a year will be 100 LBS in 20 years and most men want longterm partners.

   Most men understand weight flucuations (even athlete’s weight fluctuates) especially after having kids, we don’t want you at your best 100% of the time, we are ok with occasional slip ups. Your problem isn’t your weight it’s the men you are choosing “critising my weight while gaining weight themselves”. Try dating different types of men, a dating coach, if your father is in your life ask him for advice.

4. Women ☕️

5. I think everyone has a limit when they may lose physical attraction to their partner. Theres posts on this sub every day from men and women having issues of losing attraction to their partner because of weight gain, sometimes it’s minor weight gain, sometimes it’s quite severe.

   Sometimes it’s actually the weight and physical changes that cause the loss of attraction, but often it’s the side affects that actually make the difference . The lifestyle changes, the change in activities , the lack of motivation, the change in confidence etc . The reasons and cause for the weight gain can have a big impact here , it’s not always as shallow as you’d think.

   Falling out of love is a lot less common than losing attraction, you also often can’t control what your attracted to. when the person you are with no longer resembles the person you fell in love with (whether that be physically, personality wise, their life goals and priorities) , that’s when the affects really take hold.

   So I don’t believe there’s anyone who’s attracted to their partner at “any size” but the tolerance for body changes do vary quite significantly .

6. Don’t care about weight, but want someone to be healthy and comfortable with themselves and how they look because that does impact the relationship. Bigger issue for me is making an effort to look your best and put together when going out as a couple — i.e. not just making an effort for the workplace or ladies night out with friends.

7. Initial attraction I care, I think women within the ‘healthy’ body range look better then anyone that is unhealthily skinny or overweight, But if I fall in love those feels aren’t going to go away with a little weight.

8. I don’t think anyone is attracted at ANY weight. I’m a woman and if my partner was 300 pounds I would not be attracted to him. I do think men can be attracted at fluctuating weight. I’m about 45 heavier than I was when my partner and I started dating 10 years ago. Weight will fluctuate with childbirth for sure, but it shouldn’t be like hundreds of pounds or something.

9. There are men who don’t care and there are men who care a lot. People are monolithic, there’s an array of opinions and feelings out there.

10. My weight has changed a lot in the almost 30 years my husband and I have been together and I’ll be honest he still can’t keep his hands to himself. Yes there are men that don’t care and the right one will be along when you’re least expecting it.

11. Almost everyone has a limit. They may pretend they don’t, but they do.

12. The mental health of both, their relationship with themselves and each other are variables that help decide this.. and there are different reasons why people gain weight. The reasons themselves also can play a big factor

13. My wife was tall, thin and willowy when I met her. 3 kids later she has wonderful curves now. Love her just as much now as before.

14. Honestly for me it depends on the amount of weight and how much you had to begin with. In general you have roughly 30 pounds to play with to stay within a healthy BMI range. I do not count pregnancy personally, I feel like the time while pregnant and after giving birth for a few years do not apply.

    If your weight causes a BMI of above 30 without extenuating circumstances I.e its unhealthy I would be having a conversation as tactfully as possible. I do not find myself attractive when I put on too much weight, so
    it’s difficult to feel physically attracted to someone else if they gain too much. This is not saying anything about emotional attraction which can colour your perception and affect physical attraction a little.

15. All men are different, obviously. Personally I care more about how my partner treats me than about numbers on a scale. I mean, if she’s getting so big it’s hard to go thru doorways, that’s one thing, but gaining 20 or 30 pounds isn’t a deal breaker.

16. I wouldn’t be okay with my girl gaining a bunch of weight tbh

17. Everyone is different. Not all men are the same.

18. I don’t think most people care about fluctuations but if you become unhealthy that’s another thing. Of course there’s always gonna be people who have a preference and won’t accept anything else. That’s just stuff you might have to talk about.

19. ANY size? Probably not.

    That being said, I’ve known my wife at BMI’s ranging from 24 to 31. And she’s never not been hot, to me.

    And while I doubt I’m special, it’s also true that not all men are like me. So you can’t guarantee it, unfortunately.

20. Hell yeah! My wife could gain or lose 30lbs and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid! She’s an absolute queen! And if she’s happy then I’m happy, and if she’s not happy when she looks in the mirror then we’re a team, so work out with her, eat healthy with her! And adore her!

21. When it’s all about the love, it’s all about the love.

22. I don’t care up to the point of morbid obesity, where it becomes unattractive and points to mental health issues. To be honest I don’t think I’d even notice a 15lb increase unless it was pointed out to me.

23. Yup. I’ve been married for 27 years and am still wildly attracted to my wife. Her weight has fluctuated by about 45 pounds over the years. She is skinny now, but I actually prefer a bit heavier.

24. On avg most will to some degree.

25. I mean, Im demi so I dont think I count.

    The body is the play ground. So long as you can warp your legs around my head I dont care how much you weight.

26. If I’m into you in into you. Weight isn’t a big deal to me at all. My ex wife gained a lot of weight a couple of years in and I noticed but it didn’t change my feelings about her. She later had weight loss surgery and lost a ton of weight and that definitely took it toll on her and still I found her attractive. That said I know guys who will definitely disagree, it just depends on the person I suppose

27. I’d say it depends. My attraction isn’t just all physical and a lot of from communication and what they do.

    If they were healthy by making good choices then got unhealthy from stopping doing those things or actively making unhealthy choices then I’d for sure lose attraction. If they gained weight from something like pregnancy for sure no problem at all. But if it’s like gorging on fast food thinking they can do whatever after landing a partner then I’d have a problem

28. I blame it on the media not representing women of all shapes as sexy but also giving men an unrealistic expectation of what a womans body looks like as it changes with time.

29. Tolerance depends on the woman’s body – the bigger boobs and hips for instance, the more weight can be added without ruining the hourglass. Either way though, everyone has a limit – even guys who prefer large women have a limit on how much weight she can lose.

30. I know my husband will love me at any weight but he doesn’t find me near as attractive when I get thin. CONTEXT: I have an eating disorder so when I get skinny I start to look skeletal which I can’t blame him for not finding attractive.

31. I think everyone has their limits in regard to their partners weight. I do, I’m sure you do as well. For me, it boils down to health.

32. 25 years together there’s been some ups and downs.

    She’s always been on the chubby side but at 46 there’s a few extra rolls. Just more squishy bits to play with IMO. We have great sex daily.

    TBH I can see something attractive in 99% of women. I don’t have a preference but I will admit I do love all the chubby, BBW and big labia sub reddits.

33. My girlfriend’s weight has gone up and down over the years, I generally don’t notice. She’s never gotten close to obesity though, if she did I would try to work with her on lifestyle changes to avoid obesity related health issues, because I don’t want to lose her.

34. Weight flunctuation is normal but if you become obese (or anorexic) especially at a really unhealthy level, that’s cause for concern. It’s not a matter of “body image”, it’s health and lifestyle. I’ve personally cut soda out of my life, asides from really desperate scenarios which rarely happens. Things like that does affect weight gain, as does someone who just eats takeout/fast food all the time.

35. I’ve known my fiance for over 10yrs, dated him for the past 4yrs, and we’ve been engaged for 1yr. No matter what size I’ve been or how much my confidence has fluctuated he has always told me that I look nice when we were just friends and how beautiful I am when we started dating. It wasn’t until 2yrs ago that I found out about my physical illnesses and so we’ve decided to start being more healthy. We motivate each other to work out, eat right, and take time for our mental health. He loved me when I was almost 350lbs and still loves me after we’ve lost over 150lbs together. Although, this is the same man that doesn’t care if my leg hair is longer than his so I don’t know if cares about appearance much.

36. I’m sure there are some out there, but it’s probably not many. Context of course matters. Did my wife put on weight after pregnancy and giving birth to our children? Of course I’m still going to be attracted to her. How can I not be attracted to the body that grew my child? her weight gain didn’t bother me in that context.

    Now if the context of ifI were 23 years old and dating a girl who kept herself fit and attractive while on the dating market but now that she has a me she has no intention of staying attractive for me. In that context I probably wouldn’t stay in the relationship. I’m worth making the effort for.
    Men are allowed to be selective.

    Am I a 35 year old man dating a 35 year old woman and expecting her to have the body of a 21 year old woman? In that case I’d need to grow the hell up and probably am not mature enough for a relationship anyway

37. ####This comment has two parts. The first answers the headline. The second is for OP.

    ###1 –

    If she gains some weight here and there, that’s normal. Weight fluctuates. I’ve dated women who gained probably ~50% of their weight, and it didn’t bother me. (Bothered the shit out of them, though, but that’s another topic). I’ve dated women who were 200lbs at 5’4″, and thought they were still attractive. But, beyond that general region of BMI, I would say my attraction would probably start to wane.

    And, it depends on how a person carries it, obviously.

    Basically, if they’re below “Morbidly Obese,” I’m probably fine with it, physically.

    —

    But, importantly – It wouldn’t change how I feel about her on an emotional level. I wouldn’t treat her poorly, or make shitty comments. I might bring it up gently at some point (because most people can’t gain a considerable amount of weight without *something* going on). I would offer to help somehow, if she wanted, I would ask if everything was okay. But, I wouldn’t like, show her photoshopped Instagram models and be like, “I wish you looked like that.”

    I wouldn’t leave somebody over it. I wouldn’t stop fucking them, unless their weight got *really* out of hand (and I mean like, tripling their weight). I also wouldn’t cheat, or resent them.

    “Men” don’t do that. “Assholes” do that. Some “men” are also “assholes”, of course.

    —

    ###2 –

    >And while I’ve personally never been overweight, having a “perfect body” takes a LOT of work. I believe everyone should make an effort to take care of themselves. But I’m worried anyone I’m with will leave me, resent me or not want to fuck me because I didn’t have the time or energy to go to the gym 4-5 times per week for a period of time.

    Think about this – if you had just started dating a guy, and he mentioned that he broke up with his last GF because she got injured and couldn’t go the gym for a week, would you be like, “Wow, I hope I continue dating him!” No, you’d be like, “Wow, this guy is an asshole.” And if he’s an asshole, you don’t want to date him, right?

    Any guy that would dump you for not having a flawless body isn’t somebody who loves *you.* They love your body. And you don’t want to date somebody who only loves your body. That would suck. It’d be fucking miserable.

    Some men will freak out if you gain 10 lbs. They are probably also serial killers, and I personally recommend you avoid those, if it’s not too much trouble for you.

    Most men (myself included) probably wouldn’t even notice 10lbs. A woman I dated told me was angry because she gained 25lbs, and my response, “You did?”

    —

    We’re just like women. Do women care if a guy gains weight? Some do. Some would dump a guy if he didn’t have a washboard 6-pack. Most don’t care that much though, as long as they’re healthy.

38. Yep, it’s a real thing. Ditch the guys who either aren’t into your body type or would only love you if you stay exactly the way you are now (whether that’s chubbier or thinner). I’ve had men who didn’t like me when I was heavier, and men who didn’t want me if I lost weight. Neither is a good partner. Find a man who digs your body and can handle the natural fluctuations that come with life and aging.