So in late august, I matched with this girl I found very attractive on a dating app. She’s 28 and a doctor. We were texting each other nonstop for a week. The conversations were very thoughtful and meaningful as well as highly complimentary of each other. However, she would make the conversations very sexual after a few hours of texting each day. She even sent nudes. She also jokingly expressed her interest in having kids with me, and was concerned about falling in love with me. Note, this was before we even met.
Normally, I would have been put off by the overly sexual messages, but she expressed a desire to be in a long-term relationship, so that provided me with some reassurance.
So we met up for the first time this Wednesday. We talked at the bar for about an hour. She was pretty cool—funny, smart, and engaging. I enjoyed talking to her about family, career, and passions.
After some time, she walked me back to her place for sex. I apologize for being graphic in the upcoming sentences. We had nonstop sex for over an hour and did about a few dozen positions. I really wanted to please her. She moaned and shaked incessantly. She seemed to really enjoy it, as I feel it would be hard to fake for that long. She was also pretty wet. I didn’t cum, which may a been a slightly negative thing to her, but it didn’t seem like a huge deal.
Anyway I spent the night over. She woke up at 5 to get ready for work, and I walked her to her car.
I thought the night went well, but for the past few days, she has grown quite distant, a marked contrast from how we were before. After many hours, she will respond to my texts but say very little. She used to reply quickly with long texts. I asked her if she wanted to go out yesterday night for a nice dinner because she mentioned she wanted to see me on Wednesday and Friday. She responded, saying she’ll take a rain check.
I’m pretty sure I’m getting slowly ghosted. I can’t help but feel really hurt because sex is an intimidate thing for me, and she expressed interest in something long-term, not a hookup. I feel used and upset over the abruptness of what I thought was the start of something promising to be over. How can I heal and move forward? Thanks.
6 comments
It fuckin sucks when this happens but you can’t let it get to you. Just try to learn from it. I think after the sex you should have maybe backed off from texting. Sometimes chicks can get weird if you text them too soon after something like that, maybe she thought you were clingy or got scared that you wanted some really serious iron clad commitment from her, after what she saw as just one night of harmless, no strings attached sex. The delayed and dry responses are a sure sign that you should back off right away and avoid getting invested. Next time just wait for her to make the move, and if she doesn’t, just let it go.
This happens to just about every guy, and while it does suck, you can’t let it beat you down or mess with your self-esteem. You’re going to get ghosted and kicked around a lot before you find something that sticks. Just learn from it and keep moving forward, that’s really all there is to it.
This one: sorry this happened. Block her and focus on other things in your life. Time heals stuff like this
Future ones: know that women who send nudes and sext before meeting probably aren’t actually looking for LTRs. Maybe some, but that’s a disconnect to recognize
The feeling as a man being used…awesome, your focused on relationship and that is a womans role…you should have fun, sex, good times and leave the relationship for her to bring it…Well done bro i was used so few times that’s fuckin awesome congratulations!
i dont let myself get “slowly ghosted.” if i start to find the conversation is drying up and her texting is less enthusiastic and/or texts are getting shorter than before, i just stop texting all together. i lose interest and no longer have a desire to put energy into someone who cant give the same energy back
Hey if it makes you feel any better..I’m a woman and the same thing happened to me. Hang in there..there is a woman looking for the same things as you.
Hey! Got nothing to offer but this just happened to me too. It sucks and idk but I guess to me it’s too easy to say sorry but I don’t think this going to work and then block . I don’t get this whole ghosting culture and why people thinks it’s alright and shouldn’t effective you when it happens.