Hi guys, I (24f) need some advice really. My bf (25m) asks me to play video games with him but every time i do there’s drama surrounding him which sours my experience and I quit then he gets mad at me for it. We’ve been dating for 3 years now and it’s non stop.
For some context, we’re both avid gamers but we enjoy different genres of games and have different play styles. Around 2 and a half years ago he asked me to play a game called Ark Survival Evolved with him because he owned a server on there. All was fine for the first week or so and then seemingly out of nowhere he’s getting Doxxed, DDossed and abused by 10+ members of his “tribe” and the server. I have no idea what started it all off but it really soured my gameplay with him because he would spend all day arguing instead of actually playing with me as intended and the drama that appeared out of nowhere I was slowly dragged into. I told him I was no longer going to play that game with him and would play something else and he took his frustration out on me.
Last year (could be the year before) when the game rust was released he asked me to play that with him too. All seemed to be going well until once again he told me he had been Doxxed out of nowhere and I was also getting messages off the players he had an issue with.
We then jumped to another server and again he started arguing with the other players out of nowhere and was sent pictures of his Facebook and other social media pages. After a 3rd and final server hop he again seemed to form an issue with other players resulting in me being dragged into whatever their issue was. I quit playing with him again due to giving the game three chances and all of them being blown and he, again, took that out on me as if I was doing something wrong and effecting both of our lives.
I tried to leave gaming with him for a while and focused on my own gaming interests and streaming etc and was quite content however bf expressed that he missed playing games with me.
Last month he got me into a game called runescape which I was neither excited nor unexcited about I’ll admit due to past issues with playing games together. Not 5 days in to me playing the game with him, people began (again “out of nowhere”) calling my bf awful names, the kind that stick with you wherever you go. He told me about this when I’d finished up streaming for the day (I wasn’t playing runescape with him so I have no idea what set things off this time) and my immediate thought was” what has he done now”. Of course I wasn’t told what had set this off just like with the other games, yet because it has once again effected me and my gameplay with him I want to quit the game (I’m now also being called afwul names and ridiculed as he told the other players I was his gf).
He keeps telling me that he’s gathering me armour to keep me interested in the game yet every time we’re logged in, he’s stood at the source of this new drama and it doesn’t really seem like he even wants to play with me yet keeps saying he will be sad if I stop.
How do I approach this situation.
Do I sit down and ask him why this always happens?
Do I just tell him I’m not gaming with him until he can show there won’t be any more online drama?
TLDR: Gaming with my boyfriend always turns sour due to other players actions. I can’t help but feel he may be the source of the drama. If I stop playing with him he acts as though we do nothing together and gets upset.
7 comments
You need to find different types of games to play together. Something that’s not a massive online game. My partner and I also have different gaming preferences, but we’re going to play the new LEGO Star Wars game together. If that’s not your wheelhouse, I’d find something else that is similarly chill and just local co-op.
There are nice coop games like stardew valley, valheim, dont starve together etc. Maybe you guys can try out those kinds of games.
Though i am a bit confused, why does your boyfriend get in trouble all the time? I mean, yeah online gaming can be toxic, but i feel like you need to be extra something in order to get doxxed again and again and again…
What’s the rest of your relationship like?
> Do I sit down and ask him why this always happens?
Ya know that saying, “If you meet one asshole in the morning, you met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you’re the asshole?”
That’s what’s happening here. Your boyfriend knows good and well what’s causing this, and I can’t imagine it’s anything innocent or reasonable. In fact, if he can barely start a new character without getting attacked, he’s probably downright infamous. I’ve been playing games online for 20 years and never once have I been the target of harassment like this….and frankly, it’s not for lack of exposure. Is your BF streaming while he games? How’s he behave on the stream?
> Do I just tell him I’m not gaming with him until he can show there won’t be any more online drama?
That’s reasonable, but I’d also consider what he was doing to cause all this in the first place. You’re under no obligation to play games with your BF if you don’t want to.
He keeps getting doxxed and harassed… Is your boyfriend a socially responsible player? I’m concerned that drama seems to follow him around to every platform he plays on.
How is your bf constantly being doxxed? Is he livestreaming these games? Why do that at all? I don’t understand how its possible to get involved in drama if you want to just play with your gf.
You guys should play on a private server without other people with a password to lock out other players.
Otherwise I have no clue what going on, and by the rules of the common denominator, its your bf that is the problem.
Have you seen how he interacts with workmates or friends? How does he interact with your friends. It sounds like he’s going to be the kind of boyfriend you would constantly need to apologize for in public and would always be embarrassing to be associated with. Online interactions (although relatively anonymous) tend to eventually leak into real life patterns of interaction.