my bf (27m) of 4 years says I’m (33f) harassing him. he’s away with work for a while and I try to keep in touch. I feel like I’m the one trying to keep in touch. if I were to never message him I may get a good morning and good night. so i try to keep him up to date on my days etc and how our baby is doing. He spends most of his days either working or hanging out with his coworkers going out drinking playing games etc etc. I feel a bit sad that he doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me yet when he’s back will expect things are all fine and dandy. If I didn’t ask him if he wants to facetime our child I doubt he would on his own. Well after almost two months of the rollercoaster ride and being accused of starting arguments etc he tells me I’m harassing him. I don’t really know what to do because if I ignore him he will accused me of trying to keep our child from him. This is something he’s previously done multiple times. I’m so over this feeling of im some horrible person. I have no problems with other relationships in my life. He seems to be happy with just partying his life away and thinking we’ll just be here when he comes back. After this last conversation today I feel horrible because he said I was harassjng him so I sent him this message.
Have a good night sleep. Ttyl xoxo love you. I hope you will one day see where I am coming from. I cannot beg someone for their attention so perhaps I’ll need to move on or give up and just live my life. Wouldn’t want to be labeled someone that harasses someone else. That’s not nice at all and I wouldn’t do that to anyone. So if that is how you feel I will be done with reaching out. I’m not that person you are painting me to be. I’m sorry that is how you precieve me. Therefore I will not bother you any longer. I’m not going to be labeled as such. Someone I love im harassing… not a great thing to do to someone you love.
I honestly don’t know what I’m doing so wrong anymore. As someone who is supposed to be my other half I sure feel pushed aside unwanted and unloved right now. And to be accused of harassing him was just my tipping point. I work all day long and I will text here and there we already have a huge time difference. So if I send a good morning and a lunch message I just don’t know. I guess I need to just bite the bullet and be the bad guy now. Do I just be the bad guy accept the accusations and stop reaching out?
I do not have any issues in other aspects of my life with other people.
TL;DR! bf says I’m harassing him and didn’t really give me a solid reason why he feels this way other than I can only assume I reach out too much… Do I just stop talking even if we have a child?
4 comments
I’m really sorry you feel unwanted and unloved. Especially as you sit home, raising his child, knowing that you’re putting your all into this kid’s well-being and into maintaining the relationship.
However, it seems prettttty clear where he stands. He’s away, he’s not giving you what you need in any capacity, and you are right–you shouldnt have to beg for attention from someone who is supposed to be your partner.
I honestly don’t see how anyone would consider this a “relationship” at this point. You sent him the text you sent him. I would say keep it strictly about the kid or other as-needed household communications and consider yourself single because he clearly isn’t putting anything in anymore and it would be foolish for you to.
I know that’s MUCH easier said than done, and that there is grief and stress, and hurt to deal with after a relationship ends. But if you don’t start the process of healing NOW, you’re going to keep suffering until one of you ends it later.
Look up crazymaking behavior. It’s an emotional abuse tactic in which the target can’t do anything right — if you contact him, you’re “harassing” him. If you don’t, “you’re keeping your child from him.” This type of behavior is designed to wear down your self confidence and keep the abuser in the relationship driver’s seat.
Hmmmm.. that’s tough.. I’d feel upset too. Especially because he’s partying? Like what the fuck. You have a kid and he’s out for “ work “ while you’re taking care of his child he’s out partying and he can’t even take the time to talk to you… what’s he even doing out there? For my that’s sketchy. And I would start looking to be alone.
Great deal he has: drinking and partying, while you are home taking care of the child.
And now the minimal contact you have with him is considered “harassment”? It sounds like he wants the perks of being “virtually single” while having the (taken for granted) security of you when he decides to come home.
The relationship is collapsing. Does he care?
You have made your feelings known. Does he care?
You may need to figure out how to unravel this relationship if he doesn’t step up and make saving/fixing it a priority.