Hi my (18F) boyfriend (18 M) cannot finish and idk what to do, I feel like I’m doing something wrong, or that I have in the past. We’ve been together just over 3 years, and we’ve been having sex for about a year and a half and he hasn’t finished from sex nor anything else I do, hj bj etc. it’s always been super frustrating I feel like I’ve been doing something wrong and idk a single other person this happens to. Originally I thought it was because of condoms and because he was scared I would get pregnant and I went on contraception about 6 months ago… still no change. Recently I have gotten super frustrated about it all and pissed off with myself and the whole situation, the other day I tried so hard to the point I want to cry but it just doesn’t happen, like he enjoys it a lot and I’m doing everything he’s asking me to do and everything that he says feels good but nothing no orgasm so after about 40 minutes of trying so hard to the point my jaw both my wrists hurt my mouth is completely dried up I completely give up and he finishes himself off. I am doing everything he is doing, I just don’t get it. None of my friends have had this problem ever and it just makes me feel like shit because I feel like I do fuck all tbh and all I want him to do is finish. The amount of times we’ve had sex and I say just focus on yourself don’t worry about me and still nothing. It all just makes me want to cry because surely this isn’t normal? I don’t know what more I can do apart from what I’m already doing we have all the conversations about what we like what we want each other to do more/less of and I still do that and nothing happens, it’s so fucking frustrating and I’m getting more and more annoyed with every time it just doesn’t happen without him finishing himself off. Imagine having sex with the one person you truly deeply love and you not being able to make them climax, like sex is one of the best things about our relationship in a good way and I just feel like shit because I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong. We’ve even tried like abstinence for the time we’re not seeing each other for a week say, he masturbates quite a bit so I thought maybe that had something to do with it but still nothing.
We were together about a year and a half before we had sex as we were quite young when we first got together and for about a year he would do stuff to me but I wasn’t comfortable doing anything really to him but obviously started in the months leading up to our first time. He thinks it may have something to do with that but I still don’t get why that would affect us down the line.
I love him so much and I just want to make him orgasm so bad, I don’t think this is normal but I don’t know what I can do that I’m not already doing or have tried to do in the past and it’s starting to really affect me emotionally now more than ever, which is something he is aware of and I don’t want to take my frustrations out on him but I do and I don’t know what else to do. I’m not in any way shape or form annoyed with him, I’m annoyed at the whole situation in general and myself more than anything.
Sorry for the long post but thank you for reading this far, does anyone have any advice? Has this happened to anyone else and overcame it (no pun intended 😂).
TIA
4 comments
Is he on any medication? SSRIs/antidepressants or something like that? Meds/drugs can cause him to be unable to orgasm.
Most likely is simple death grip syndrome. He’s so used to how his hand feels that nothing else gets him off. He needs to either completely lay off the porn/masturbating, or start doing it with a lubed fleshlight so he Pavlov’s himself back to enjoying 3D pussy.
Do you know what he really likes, have you both talked about it? Does he have a fantasy of some sort? If so it could help to focus on that. Maybe he really need to get in the mood. Ask him which outfit would turn him on the most. Try to experiment more. Maybe you are trying to hard and he really is into you having fun and feels your frustration.
He needs to stop with the porn and masturbating. Then use raw organic Coconut oil on his penis and balls. This will make it more sensitive and moisturised. At least you are willing to help him. I too have ED and my fwb tries a little bit then gives up.
I’m the same way most of the time. I always thought it was more in my head since I was so used too masterbating/being the one in control. I found out that 69’ing helped me relax and make it easier to orgasm.