I am on the autism spectrum. For the first 20 years of my life, I was completely alone.
Things started to change when I moved to another state for university. I (now 24F) now have a lot of people I could hang out with. I would like to say I have friends, but I think a better description would be “close acquaintances”. I’ll refer to them as “CA’s” from now on.
I see my CA’s regularly, especially since most of us go to the same church. I’ve known them for 4 years now. I hang out with them outside of church. They typically respond to text messages. 2 times out of 3, I could count on them if I was in some kind of crisis. (For example, one of my CA’s recently drove me to and from the ER, and paid for my tylenol). I could also have deep conversations with them.
But if I ask them to come over to my hometown, they look at me like I’m crazy. Yes, it’s in a different state, but I mean, we’ve known each other for years. It’s not like they’d be traveling with a complete stranger. Also, they would talk to me at group events such as church parties, but I am excluded from more intimate events. For example, my CA’s, Ashley, would say there is a “little pool party” at her parents’ house, and invite other CA’s, but not me. They would then say something along the lines of “We’ll have to hang out next week, That-Anywhere-6977!”
Additionally, I never seem to be anyone’s priority. I tried to invite my CA’s to my graduation, only for them to tell me that they’ll come if they have nothing else going on.
I am confused. I am glad I finally have a group of girls to talk to. But it seems like they see me as more of an acquaintance than a friend. And this is NOT limited to just one group of people. I seem to make CA’s wherever I go, whatever activity I’m involved in. CA’s everywhere!
Is there a way to make some real friends, and get out of the acquaintance zone?