So my bf and I have been together for almost three years. About six months ago I started asking him to do more stuff in the bedroom. We had a nice sex life before and I enjoyed having sex with him but I would almost never orgasm and that was basically the impetus for “spicing things up”. I had also been reading blogs and watching some porn and got a few ideas for how we could both enjoy things. We started trying things like penis sleeves and vibrators and dildos. We also tried pegging and some other stuff.
He was a bit reluctant in the beginning. When I got the penis sleeves he said that he was glad that it gave me more pleasure but that it made him sad that I needed something more than him. I was understanding and I made sure that he knew that I didn’t just want a big dildo in me, I wanted him and I wanted him doing these things to me–he was what was important but that I wanted more from sex. I didn’t push him or anything but he gradually came around and he came to like using them. Same with dildos and vibrators. We were having a lot of fun.
I also started using a vibrator on him. He liked it on the bottom of his dick and well over a few sessions it worked its way into him. This led us to try butt plugs and dildos and then pegging. With pegging he was extremely reluctant but at the same time he would be super turned on by it. Eventually we tried it and he loved it, like, really loved it. But in the beginning I think he was extremely ashamed of how much he loved it. After we had a session he would want me to hold him for like two hours. It was really intimate and I felt like it brought us closer emotionally but it was clearly tugging on some very deep feelings in him that I have never quite understood.
This is all great and we’re both enjoying ourselves but we haven’t had normal sex it a long time (maybe three months). If we have sex he always wears a sleeve until I get off and then he pulls out. Then I will peg him or blow him and finger him, etc. So about six weeks ago I told him that I wanted him to take the sleeve off and just do me normally and he was happy to do this but he started having erection problems. Either he would be hard but then start slipping out of me because he couldn’t stay hard or sometimes he wouldn’t be able to get hard at all. When he can’t get it hard again I just get him to put a sleeve on or just go straight to pegging him since that’s how he usually finishes anyway.
So we’re up to like three weeks ago and I decide to buy him a vibrating cock ring so that he can stay hard. He uses it but he still prefers to use the sleeves and puts it on without me asking (I’m not sure if he was just expecting me to ask). So anyway I start telling him to leave the sleave off but when he does he just puts it in me for a couple of minutes and then pulls out and uses a vibrator on me. I’m getting frustrated and on Wednesday night I say to him that it’s been a while since we had nice missionary sex with him finishing in me and that we should do that tonight. Everything’s going well–romantic foreplay, kissing, etc. He pushes into me but within like a minute he’s soft again. So he puts the cockring on but after about two minutes before he stopped, telling me that he was too sensitive. We did the same thing the the next night and basically the same thing happened. When I tried to talk to him he got very upset at me and said that I was putting too much pressure on him and that I need to make up my mind on what I want (and he says other stuff along those lines). We make up and apologize but then we didn’t have sex all weekend–I think this is the only time that we haven’t had sex at least once over a weekend in which we were together.
I don’t know what to do. For two years we had just normal sex and he was completely satisfied with it but now he doesn’t even get hard unless it’s me pegging him or him wearing panties… I wanted to use toys and stuff to bring us closer but now they seem to be keeping us apart. My own boyfriend doesn’t even get hard with me anymore :(((. I feel like I’ve ruined something that was just easy and nice and natural. We had this lovely gift that was so beautiful and stupid selfish me had to ruin it. I genuinely don’t care if I orgasm ever again I just want him back to normal and I don’t know what to do. Please help.
46 comments
Not sure if bait…
On the off chance that this is real, I have bad news and good news.
The bad news is that yes, you have conditioned him to consider his penis worthless and to experience pleasure through his prostate and to basically be a “sissy”, in the fetish sense of the word. That is him sublimating your roundabout rejection of his penis and through it his masculinity.
The good news is that conditioning can be reversed. It will however take at least as much time as you have spent conditioning him.
you conditioned him to have Sex with Penissleeve and be the submissive Part in the Bedroom because he see that you are more Satisfied as with his Penis and it needs a Long time to Recondition him to Normal Sex with his Penis.
The Thing is evey Men ask himself the question is my Penis big enough and a Men with a Small or Average Penis more then a Men with a Big Penis.
Every Woman/Men on the World can say that size doesn’t matter or it’s the Motion of the ocean but we Man only Believe what we see and the truth is, SIZE MATTER.
It’s not Wrong to bring Toys in a relationship but he sees that you enjoy it more with the sleeve like his Penis so he started to accept that he can not Satisfying you without the sleeve and he convince himself to only have Sex with the Sleeve.
That he takes the Submissive Part with Pegging, Prostate play and the Panty can be a Side effect, because he don’t want to lose you or he sees you enjoy it so he enjoys.
It can be that he discovered a Kink for that or his Submissive side so you must talk with him.
But when you want to recondition him it needs time and a lot of open Conversation without Pressure and when you have sex without the sleeve. Talk with him what he really want, desire and how he sees your Sexlife. Talk with him of his Insecurities and where he think it comes from. Take your time and show him that you care about him with no pressure or Anger that it takes a long time to bring back normal Sex without the sleeve.
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Well, his mind learnt that his penis on his own is useless for you. You started doing things that were satisfying you and he accepted that this is the only way.
As he feels useless in active way he was more open to being the passive side and because in this scenario you both gets off instead of just him his mind got programmed that this is the way.
The idea that comes to my mind how to fix it is for you to edge him and for the finish let him inside you normally. Because of edging he will be close to orgasm so easly stay hard but the orgasm will happen from normal sex. He needs to get used to coming that way again.
As he now likes more being submissive you may also try some dirty dominant talk while having normal sex.
Both those things still makes him be the submissive side but way less than in pegging. You may treat it as a middle ground between your current situation and the one you want to go back to. I’m not sure how good this solution is though.
In general it will take some time to go back to normal. The part where he think his penis isn’t enough for you is harder to fix but you must find a way for you to have an orgasm from normal sex with him. How to do it is on you.
Edit: Even if you go back to normal he will still like to get pegged.
Dam where to start . It seems to me he embarrassed about him getting pegged . I would be totally down but finding a woman into that is a whole nother story.
Yes I would never do the penis sleeve thing and I don’t have the biggest dick but it not small it’s in the middle.
IMO he need to embrace being submissive it fun however you need to let him be more Dom in the bedroom.
Alright first of all thinking things are broken/ruined would be an overreaction. You two are young and still discovering things in life. You just helped this guy discover an awesome part he didn’t have any clue about. So good job by you. Now, please don’t assign any guilt to yourself or to him because that will only deteriorate your relationship.
In this situation, you have to communicate as the others have stated. That must happen without shame. How you respond when he goes soft is important. You haven’t stated that. If you get angry or frustrated, there’s a zero chance that he will gain any erection without some external stimulus. Have you whispered something in his ears at that point?
How you initiate could also play a role. How you begin could determine where you end. Do you involve a bit of vanilla foreplay without any toys? Does he or you just jump into it? Taking time with each other could be helpful. Have him try to please you first. See how that works out. You could try sex outside of your bedroom where both of you don’t have any access to accessories. This could add a novelty in your play.
Human sexuality and mind in general are complex. Things come and go like waves. He could be on a wave that you want get off of now but he is not ready yet. The more you force, the more you may push him away. You may need to work with him a bit longer on that.
So, be patient, try things out and communicate without guilt or shame. If you two have a strong bond outside of sex, you will come through.
Couple of thoughts to add here. He might have experienced a penile or prostate injury amongst some of this. He can have this checked by a doctor. Another way to go about it is to stop using the toys for a bit so he can physically recover.
People talked about sissification and emasculation, and the emotional fallout is definitely possible. There’s also the possibility he’s unlocked some questions about sexuality that need to be answered. There may be some anxieties at play affecting his performance. He might need to talk to someone about it.
emasculates her boyfriend and wonders why his dick goes slack.
Food for thought: How does one show love for their partner’s cock?
Jesus Christ I feel so bad for the guy. Literally broke him and said his penis was worthless, hope he can somehow pull through
Well you either turned your boyfriend into a straight “sissy” or after doing those things with you he entered some deep thoughts and feelings and realized he bats for the other team
I understand the sleeve, but how would pegging help you orgasm if you didn’t want him submissive?
If for 6 months I told you to wear a corset, keep your shirt on, and the lights have to be dim in order for me to enjoy sex more how would I be able to convince you to have sex naked in the daytime?
Not rhetorical. What steps would I have to take to get you out of your head?
Sounds like you took everything up a notch and in the process made normal sex boring. Low stimulation factor compared to the pegging and sleeves and vibrating things.
So I would say tune things down.
Give him a blowjob and then have him fuck you normally…
He may have some inadequacy feelings associated. Or maybe normal sex isn’t enough for him anymore.
It’s kind of like how we talk about porn being too stimulating for people and normal sex is just not enough.
Isn’t there an old saying that is basically, “careful what you wish for?”
This is the risk you take when you keep pushing things further and further. Eventually your body is conditioned to not enjoy normal sex anymore.
‘i conditioned my boyfriend to think his dick itself wasnt enough for me and now he doesnt stay up when i wanna fuck’
man i wonder why
Oh lord, poor guy and his self esteem. I am sure another person will make him feel enough. I think sometimes you need to carefully choose your words. If you mentally broke him, another girl might come and make him feel wanted, make him feel like a man that he is. I think you should really talk to him and figure out your issues. This is a serious issue and it does not get better overtime. As a men and I think everyone here can agree, we do over think stuff like this, A LOT!
Poor guy, I feel really bad for him.
Hope he can find some way out of this situation and find happiness again.
This sub needs a PSA or wiki to explain that the emotional and physical aspects of sex are not always perfectly aligned. I am comfortable in admitting I am anti-toys in the bedroom because while maybe they do guarantee greater volume and intensity of pleasure and orgasms, to me they would completely depersonalize the experience. In my personal, male, heterosexual world sex is with a woman and involves digital, oral, and vaginal sex. It’s fine for other people to have different preferences but I get really annoyed with the hive mind comment strings of “Introduce ____ into the bedroom? Sign me up!” as if in the 21st century having pause about wearing an electronic vibrating rubber band on your dick or shoving a horse penis shaped dildo in your ass makes you a prude.
Perhaps he has internal conflict because he ***does*** like being submissive to you and anal play more than he thought that he would. Especially when in many circles, it would be considered “taboo”.
I would imagine that this sort of thing might cause him to question what his view of sex and sexual pleasure is to cause some problems with erection, because the more complex sex gets for us men folk, we can get all up in the head on our shoulders, and the other one just doesn’t want to co-operate.
I really wonder if talking to someone that is NOT you about these things would help him to grasp what he really wants to explore and experience. The reason that I say not you isn’t because you are an uncaring, or bad person. Quite the opposite. But no one would expect you to be completely non-biased here, because it affects you intimately, and it might be easier for him to open up about what he thinks and feels inside to someone that he doesn’t even have to see or speak to again, if he chooses not to. That is the role of a therapist, to give someone a semblance of control over a situation where they feel out of control. Even if that feeling of losing control is not true, their perception of it makes it valid.
Poor dude
This is a fake post. These are cheaply written fantasies of a submissive male with borderline “sissy” tendencies. I’ve seen very similar posts with near identical verbiage and all were deleted when called out. Women dont think like this irl.
Lots of great feedback in these comments and hats off to you for being open to the feedback. One thing I don’t see in your post or follow up comments is your desire to please him in a way that would make his arousal about him, about you wanting him to get off just for the sake of his own release and enjoyment. I do hope that becomes part of your “recovery” efforts
I dont hear you saying anything about pleasing him. No head? What do you do for him? Why are you unable to orgasm without all the bs? Can you not work on yourself a little so you are ready to go? Seems like you got to his head and made him uncomfortable with you. I dont see this lasting much longer. You seem to be complicating something that should be natural. If no chemistry, move on.
Conditioning my boyfriend to think his dick is worthless and cannot satisfy me to the point that he immediately put on a penis sleeve on a whim but now that I wanted him and his own dick, he can’t even get hard for me. Now for some reasons unknown, I don’t know why this is happening.
Bro is probably fucked up for life I feel so bad for him. He’s probably thinking he’s gone so far down this path that he can’t leave her because she’s the only one that would do all these things to him that she’s conditioned him to like now. He probably thinks that his dick is worthless and he wouldnt even be able to satisfy any other woman the normal way just like he can’t with this current girlfriend. The only real way forward for him is to act like none of this ever happened and probably move on with a new person is good time. This is fucking tragic. Women truly do not have an equivalent thing to being emasculated, it’s a fucking nightmare.
I understand you wanting to experiment and improve things but I feel like a lot of this is you rejecting him as himself – even if that’s not your intention that’s what it feels like to me. A lot of this came off as extremely emasculating in my opinion unless I’m missing something.
Have you tried solely focusing on him? Not about what *you* like or *you* want or what gets *you* off but all him? Obviously with your own boundaries but it seems like he’s catered to your wants and needs and ignored his own. This just makes me sad for him honestly. He does what you ask, then you change your mind and he feels like a failure. I’m sure it feels like no matter what he does, he won’t be good enough for you sexually.
Maybe I’m not reading this right but it sounds a bit like you have reversed positions.
You say you had to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault that you couldn’t finish with only his penis and now you feel insecure that he can’t stay hard only with you.
You haven’t broken anything, but as well as he couldn’t expect you to suddenly start orgasming without the right stimulation you can’t expect to overestimulate him for six months and then make him get hard as a diamond with a “simple missionary”.
He can’t just get hard on command same as you can’t just orgasm on command. Both of you are human beings so treat yourselves with kindness and just avoid the broken/fixing/working mindset.
Sounds like performance anxiety. Forget about getting/staying hard, just focus on pleasure again. He needs time and space to ease into it again. It shouldn’t matter anymore whether he gets hard or not. Just enjoy each other, and indeed focus less on outcomes
Poor guy, you have destroyed his self-image even if he hasnt explicitly said it. I hope he regains it one day.
Poor guy..I just looked up what a penis sleeve is and it’s something you put on your dick to make it bigger and wider, you basically told him that his real dick doesn’t give you any pleasure and basically isn’t good enough to make you feel good. And the pegging means him submitting to you and he most likely can’t get hard with normal sex because he feels emasculated and not good enough..sounds like you ruined his self confidence. I hope he gets it back one day
This has to be a troll right ? If it isn’t then HOLY hell you are not a good person.
Your boyfriend isn’t a toy you can condition as you want.
Yeah this is fucked up. I feel bad for your bf.
Damn, the title was super correct. Yeah you really conditioned and probably hurt him pretty bad psychologically. I agree with what he said, “you’re putting too much pressure and has no idea what you want”. Poor guy. Just let hold go he deserves better.
Never get a dick sleave. Being told its too small you cant recover from
If and I mean IF this is true
you break it you buy it
This is sickening, you took your boyfriends manhood and shattered for your own gain, and now you want to flip a switch and undo it? This is fucked up
Here’s perspective from someone who has been ruined by broken women.
It’s virtually impossible to go backwards. I’ve been in situations most people read about and believe are made up. They were experiences made of myth and legend. I’m actually writing a book about it.
I tried to go back to what people consider normal. I’ve made sacrifices and promises to myself for years. At the end of the day, all I can think about was the intensity of previous encounters.
Once your kink switch has been flipped, it’s not a fight to subdue it. It’s a war – one that he has to be willing to wage.
While you were the catalyst that started him down his path, it’s not on you. He would have likely found himself on it at some point – attraction as strong as his usually isn’t a passing phase but a deeper desire that’s more like a destiny.
You can try celibacy for an extended period – kind of like kicking an addiction. No sex of any kind for a very long time – like months or even a year. You can be affectionate, just keep your clothes on. When he starts to get hard just from light stuff, that could be a sign to take it another step forward. Basically you’re trying to desensitize him.
There is no guarantee though. And you have to be willing to accept that before making the attempt. Sometimes our paths must split.
I have taught about pegging for the last 12 years.
This happens sometimes, and it’s never permanent – the lack of an erection.
There are a LOT of things tied up with pegging.
*It requires vulnerability, which men have been trained not to allow.
*It can feel intense and emotional to get penetrated – once again, men are indoctrinated NOT to express emotions.
* There can be a lot of shame attached to pegging because it violates the rules of masculinity of never doing anything that can be perceived as gay or feminine.
* Also, it allows a man to experience a little bit of his feminine side, and sometimes that is such a welcome experience, after being denied it since young boyhood, that they can become enthralled with the experience…almost like it balances them out a little from all the fucked-up things society puts on the. In that regard, it can feel like a shiny new toy.
All this is not easy! It can be quite confusing for both partners. Every time I have received an email about this happening, it eventually resolved itself. I would suggest, though, scheduling pegging sessions (whatever frequency you agree on). That way he always has it to look forward to, but other times, you both know that regular sex in the order of the day, whatever that looks like, and it doesn’t always have to default to intercourse. Sex can be many different things!
Lastly – please understand that cocks are fickle regarding erections. The more emphasis, disappointment, expectations and hopes are put on them, the less reliable they will be.
Sounds to me like he developed anxiety around having sex without toys because it was seen as inadequate before. He aware of the fact that he doesn’t pleasure you as well without toys, so tbh that’s probably all he’s thinking about when you both are intimate without them.
Tough place to be but it’s possibly reversible
Sounds like you’ve awoken a fetish within him. Just need to find a happy medium where you’re both satisfied
Dude, wtf. You’re awful
LOL, congratulations, you suck.
I’d leave your ass and find a good woman to be with
Pay the co-pays for his therapist. You broke him.
RIP to the guy.