I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (21M) for 2 years now. In that time we have been together for 3 of his birthdays and 2 of mine, plus christmas, valentines, etc. We are both college students so we aren’t in the best place economically right now. Every time a special occasion comes my boyfriend never gets me anything, nothing for any of my birthdays, nothing for valentines, and ofc nothing for any other special occasion. For our first anniversary he got me some clothes about 2 months after the actual date, which wasn’t a big deal ofc but I just feel like he does not care about me enough. I’ve talked about this with him multiple times too, I’m not the type of person to keep issues to myself so since the first time I asked why I don’t get anything, says that I bring it up so many times that there is no point now, which is not true at all. Keep in mind I always get something for him despite what he does, I get things for his family on holidays and birthdays, etc. and for me it’s not even about the gift itself or the money but the gesture. At first I thought he didn’t believe in gifts but when his parents’ birthdays comes he gets gifts for them and on time too. Ofc I shouldn’t be comparing myself to his parents but I just wonder what is the issue with me. This whole situation just makes me feel like he does not care about/love me like he says he does. Every time one of these dates comes I just get so anxious and convince myself he will this time be different, but once again I’m disappointed and just spend the whole day sad. I feel like we have a good relationship and he does, in his own way, care about me, and I wouldn’t break up with someone over a gift but I feel like at this point it goes beyond of that.
Am I overreacting?
TL;DR: boyfriend has never gotten me any gift for any special occasion we have been together, although I always get him something. Am I overreacting?
5 comments
I hate getting gifts. But I think you should break up with him, because he knows gifts mean something important to you, and he still refuses to make an effort. That attitude of not putting effort into a relationship for the things that matter to your partner is toxic, and I do not think a relationship will stay good long term when one person holds it. It’s not about the gifts, but about the fact that he isn’t willing to adapt to what makes you happy.
> I’ve talked about this with him multiple times
What does he say?
What is his reason for why there is no progress made on this issue?
You are not overreacting, this is a sign that he disregards your feelings and sees no reason to celebrate you.
To me it kind of seems like… if he gets the same effect no matter what he does, why would he do the thing that is more work?
If he busts his butt and gets you gifts and goes out of his way to treat you with love and respect, he gets to have the relationship.
If he sits back and puts nothing into the relationship, he still gets to have the relationship.
So he’s opted to do nothing.
This isn’t a problem with YOU– its a problem with HIM. But he’s made it very clear at this point that he’s not going to change. So i’d go ahead and stand up for myself, if i were you, and leave this relationship where you’re treated like this. Its not about the gifts– its about the apathy.
Flowers? If in 2 years he hasn’t gotten you flowers at least 10 times, he’s a loser who doesn’t care for you.