Me and my gf are both 20 and we’ve been together for around 8 months. When we were first together we had sex a lot but it has decreased a lot and now we do it maybe once or twice a week. My libido makes me horny basically all the time and I could do multiple times a day and am horny enough for it. My gf on the other hand has said that she’d be good with once a week in the past and it makes me extremely sexually frustrated. I’ve just been jerking off when I’m horny after she leaves but it makes me feel like she doesn’t really find me attractive or I don’t turn her on. I never want her to feel like she has to have sex if she doesn’t want it I just don’t know what to do when she barely wants it and then I seem upset because I’m sexually frustrated I don’t want her to feel like she has to do anything. I’ve told her I just don’t really feel wanted when I keep initiating and she shoots me down or she initiated then before we have sex she says sorry I don’t actually want it. I feel like I’m starting to get a little resentful because I fantasize about her coming over after class and just wanting me and like ripping my clothes off she wants me so bad. I just feel like she doesn’t want me and I don’t know what to do we’ve talked about it a lot but I can’t make her libido higher and I can’t turn mine off
4 comments
Have you spent any time trying to figure out what is going on in her life that could be leading to a loss of libido? Or have you spent this whole time worrying about only how it’s making you feel?
It’s not likely about you, but you are putting that on her. And if you keep that up you’ll end up with resentment on both of your parts.
If u don’t match up leave and find someone who does. Ur 20…
Contrary to what many people will say sexual compatibility is a huge issue when it comes to relationships. Yes there’s ebbs and flows depending on life and like circumstances, but for two 20-year-olds who are already incompatible is a very bad sign.
If you’re not compatible in the sex isn’t good to begin with it is unlikely to improve. This is the nicest way to say and the relationship before you waste more time.
If she had a higher sex drive at the beginning, it might have just been the thrill of a new relationship, but it could be something different… did she start taking birth control sometime after you started dating? Have there been other changes in mood (for example, is she depressed?) Is her family having issues? Is she extra stressed due to schoolwork?
Medication changes and life circumstances can make a big difference in libido.
It could be that you two aren’t really sexually compatible, or it could be that something else is temporarily at play. It’s worth checking whether it’s something else before calling it quits I think.