when you start talking with someone (romantic interest) and they never initiate, do you continue or stop and move on? do ever feel like it’s your job to always initiate because you are a man?

25 comments

  4. Three-strike rule: if I have to revive the conversation or I feel like I’m getting way too many simple and uninterested replies about three times, then I’m out.

  5. The bare minimum she can do is text me without me having to text first. If she can’t even do that then I’m going to lose interest fast.

  8. >when you start talking with someone (romantic interest) and they never initiate, do you continue or stop and move on?

    If every interaction I have with a woman is initiated by me, I will absolutely move on quickly after. It’s not like I’m looking for a conversation each and every time; you’d at least check on someone you claim to be interested in every once in a while, no?

    >do ever feel like it’s your job to always initiate because you are a man?

    I’ve never felt as though it was strictly *because I’m a man*; given some of the posts that have come through this subreddit recently, I have to assume it’s because other women are telling women to just sit back, or because they just aren’t that interested in me 🤷‍♀️ I don’t freakin’ know.

    What I do know however is that if I have to keep initiating, I’m going to feel like a burden. Not a good feeling.

  9. Some people take the role of the initiator, and that’s okay. If she isn’t giving you anything to work with, then move on.

    But honestly, you should try to be getting her on dates ASAP. Texting doesn’t mean shit.

  10. I know that some women will wait for a guy to prove he’s interested, and I understand that they do it to weed out fuckboys, but I don’t think they realize that it also makes regular dudes think they aren’t interested.

    I don’t feel that bad about it though. It could be any number is things about avoiding danger, or being risk averse or just flat out misandry, but I can’t think of a positive spin to put on it that would make me want to pursue. Not being able to hang out or converse casually is just an early warning that I’m not going to get along with this person. So I think it’s helpful to me to know to stop wasting my effort.

    Remember ladies, it’s not just you evaluating the guy, he’s also evaluating you, and we will judge you by the filters you put up if that’s all we have to go on.

  11. If I feel like I’m doing all the initiating in conversations, I’ll just stop and walk away from the conversation for a day or two and see if they start any sort of conversation. If not, I’ll have my answer. If they then complain that I haven’t talked to them in a couple days, I’ll simply tell them they need to learn how to have a conversation and if it’s just me initiating everything I’m out.

  13. One of my rules in life is I don’t hang around where I’m not appreciated.

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    A subset of that rule is that I don’t put more effort into a relationship than they are willing to put in. If they are interested in me, they’ll take an interest in me. If they aren’t; they aren’t.

  14. I don’t chase women. I will start the first conversation, but, if she doesn’t start the 2nd conversation, there will be no 2nd conversation. I have too many other options to waste time chasing a woman who is not interested enough to start a conversation.

  15. Plenty of women think men should initiate. Few expect that the man would walk away in five minutes or less. When I get more of a response from a blank wall, than a woman, I’ll walk away.

  16. As soon as I pick up on it I let it simmer, and then do something that shows I put effort in before moving on (usually a really well done custom gift – doesn’t have to be expensive).

    It’s not a loss for me because I saw it through. It’s a loss for her because the effort I put into something 99% of guys won’t be able to match, and she’ll feel it in the long term.

    Besides, girls talk – if she was dumb to lose out on you, good chance her friends will make contact with you.

  17. I keep going as long as they reciprocate to an extent. I will always stop if they tell me no but More times then not women like to play hard to get.

  18. give up cause either they dont like me or they are so incredibly boring that i could never have an interesting conversation with them

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    either way i want out

  19. If they don’t initiate the first or second time I think I’d just take the hint and move on lol I’m not gonna force somebody to be with me cuz then it’s just about me and they wouldn’t do anything for me because they “loved” me

  20. Yeah if a woman shows little internet it makes me i interested. And there’s been times where women I wasn’t interested in show interest in me and then I became interested.

  22. Yes, and yes.

    Women are normally reticent to seem too eager initially.

    It might take a while, but if she’s keep replying to you, keep initiating. At some point the conversation will “warm up“, and you’ll really start to click.

    There may be a point where she suddenly pulls away. Completely out of the blue. It can be bewildering.

    She’s testing you. To see how you react. See if you freak out, or react angrily. That is a huge red flag for her, and you and her are done. You may think this is unfair, but angry men are a *huge* threat to women’s personal safety. She’s entitled to find out if you’re one of them.

    The way to react is maturely and calmly. If she’s lost interest that’s fine, she doesn’t owe you anything, you don’t go chasing her obsessively; that sort of thing.

    If you pass this test, she’ll come back, and you’re good to go.

    If you don’t like the idea of being tested, then fine, don’t play the game. You can opt out any time.

    But don’t choose to play the game, then whinge about the rules.

  23. If there’s no mutual interest and attraction, you are wasting your fucking time.

    A conversation goes both way, if women wants to talk to you, they will.

  24. no communication is communication. It communicates lack of interest. Yeah people get busy with day to day life but most women have their phone strapped to their ass. Effort should be reciprocal. Think of it like playing tennis. It takes two people to play. Without a partner you’re just playing with yourself!

  25. Realized I was the one taking contact most often to most of my friends.

    I tried not contacting any of my friends, and seeing how long it would take, for them to contact me first.

    Lost like 40% of them.

    Good riddance.

    I expect people to hit me up first at least every third or fourth time we talk now.

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