i love my mother, and she can be amazing, however, since i was a child she has been something which fills the house with horrible smells that throughout my life has given me headaches, and more recently, anger and horrible mental fatigue, I am at the point where i can no longer take it.
my question is, what should i do, she knows i have massive issues with it, but continues it anyway, and now im thinking its either she stops doing it, or i leave her life, its an illegal thing shes doing and its causing alot of problems, and could potentially ruin her housing and other things. i don’t want to be apart of her life if this continues.
so, should i just decide to leave, and never talk to her again, or is it acceptable to give her an ultimatum? im not trying to manipulate her to stop, and if she continues its her choice, but i just cannot be apart of her life anymore if it does.
TL:DR mother is doing something illegal, i no longer want to tolerate being in her life if it continues, what is the proper way deal with this?
10 comments
It’s completely okay to draw a boundary like this!
Is there a reason you can’t just…not go to her house? Just meet for lunch or shopping in public?
I’m not clear why you can’t be in her life at all, can you just not live there and not spend time there?
You can definitely cut her off if you like that’s your choice, and maybe even the best one, but I don’t see how some drug use, which wouldn’t impact you at all if you didn’t go there, means you have to torch your relationship if it is otherwise fine. Hard to tell from your post. Good luck.
So is she making meth or just smoking it?
Either way, stop spending time around her at the house, and severely decrease the amount of time you spend with her at all.
Tell her you can’t take it any more and you’re leaving. There’s no reason to believe she’d stop if you gave her an ultimatum. She’s well aware of your feelings on the subject.
I’ve gotten rid of my mother for being emotionally abusive, and it was a strict improvement in my quality of life. For something illegal? Yeah bruh, do it. Usually I’d write more and more empathetically here, but, this is pretty cut and dry, lol.
It sounds like you’re talking about pot. If it’s something else you’re talking about, please clarify because the advice is going to different depending on what exactly she’s doing.
You can cut her off for any reason or no reason, but if it’s something like pot, I’d just minimize your contact with it by meeting in public outdoor places. I wouldn’t cut your mom off over pot. Yeah, it’s not a smart decision if it’s illegal and causing her to smell bad, but not worth tossing the relationship out.
The advice really depends on what she is doing – growing pot in the bathroom, a meth lab in the kitchen or stashing the bodies of her victims under the floorboards. If there is a significant time in jail being risked, never go in the house as you could be arrested too and may have trouble proving your innocence. Other people’s suggestion of only meeting in well ventilated places away from the house, like a park seems good.
Threatening to cut her out makes no sense and seems too drastic.
Move out. You’re 22. Stay in touch with her and maintain the relationship, but you should leave.
You’re an adult and it’s her house.
If she’s addicted to something, then the addiction will be in the driver’s seat. In other words, she can’t help herself and will simply ignore your ultimatum. What then?
It would seem a more normal response would be to move out but stay in contact. Moving out is what you are planning to do anyway, right? And if you haven’t planned for moving out, if you simply think she’d never pick the terrible option, you might be extremely unpleasantly surprised.