I’ve always known I wanted to be a dom, and it has been 100% confirmed since I slept with my newfound sub FWB for the first time. From the get go she was really into being dominated and being slapped and hurt on various locations. That’s in my alley, although I still had trouble overcoming the mental block that I’m hurting someone, even if they like it. I might be dominant in bed but in real life I wouldn’t hurt a fly. But, seeing as she really enjoyed herself, I was able to let myself go and it was amazing.
After a rough session with her skin clearly marked red, I joked that we were right to stop before drawing blood, but she then said this was on the table for later. I thought she was joking, but now I realize that she didn’t. I’m not freaking out in front of blood in general, but I feel like it’s kinda leaving me in a position where I feel like I have to prove that I’m a competent dom, because I’m still nowhere near her boundaries, but on the other hand it might break the “suspension of disbelief” for lack of a better word. I know it’s not a matter of consent but hurting another person to the point of bleeding is kinda beyond me, at least in my head. We haven’t met up again since that time, but as the days pass I’m feeling indecisive about how to proceed with this. Any similar stories here ?
3 comments
>but I feel like it’s kinda leaving me in a position where I feel like I have to prove that I’m a competent dom
Gently, this is wrong. There are not a set of actions you must complete to be a “competent” dom. A competent dom is someone that works within their sub’s boundaries *and* within their own boundaries. That’s it. Plenty of “competent” doms never do certain acts. It’s not the actions that matter, but the attitude, and the attitude towards safety/consent/boundaries, certainly.
Like with all sex acts, don’t do something you’re not comfortable doing just because the other person wants it. People that engage in BDSM *well* negotiate boundaries and preferences throughout their relationship. It’s super important when engaging in potentially harmful or unsafe acts. And, it’s super normal. So, discuss your preferences with your FWB if you’d like to continue with her.
If you don’t want to draw blood, don’t. There are plenty of people in this world that will match up to your “softer” dom limits. And I say “softer” because blood drawing is a hard limit for many people, so the average BDSM practitioner probably aligns with this preference as well.
If you do want to work towards drawing blood, you need to research. You can spend more time in the BDSM subreddits speaking with people that know more than you do, to get started.
Do you know if she’s done it before or is it just the idea she likes? Is she an experienced sub? There is so much safety and aftercare to learn about so please don’t jump in too fast before you understand BDSM . Sometimes when our fantasies play out in reality they are not what we thought we wanted. I also get off on pain, my partner is still not near my boundaries of pain but I don’t want him to do anything that makes him that uncomfortable. he wouldn’t hurt a fly outside of the bedroom and he’s not a sadist .he does it to please me and because i get off on it he gets off on giving me pleasure. So if your not getting off on it and it doesn’t feel right then Don’t do it.
Competent doms are still allowed to have limits, and blood is a really really common limit in the kink community.