I wish I had a best friend.

I’m an autistic 17 year old girl with social anxiety. I get scared easily whenever I don’t know what to say. I have been isolated my entire life. I always see other people with their “best friends” in real life. They do the same things, love and talk about the same stuff. I never knew what it was like to be that close with someone in a friendship. Especially with someone who is also a girl.

They always check up on each other, and seem like they truly care. They don’t exclude you or talk over you, and you treat them the same way back. It’s just so difficult to find a best friend who’s the same age as I am because I never had many friends as a child. And talking is super difficult for me.

It’s to the point where I feel hopeless and tired every day because of how much self doubt I built up. I don’t know how I can get closer to people in friendships, and live a life where I don’t get left behind. I wish I could go to places with other people and be invited to do new things.

I feel like if I’m alone in the house any longer, then something horrible is going to happen to me.