I don’t mind when it’s a passing glance like on the street, but when people give me their full attention eyes and all I just can’t stand it. I actively avoid talking in any given situation because of this. It feels like they’re punching a hole right through me with their gaze, like they’re judging me. It makes me feel extremely vulnerable, and I’m concerned it’ll conflict with my education because I’m too scared to talk in class. Anyone else experience this, or have any tips?
16 comments
Not sure about tips but this sounds pretty crippling. It will certainly hinder your future so good on you for looking into ways to get through it!
Is it an eye contact thing or just any kind of noticing? I think it’s very common to lose your train of thought when someone makes eye contact, but if it’s being observed at all, that’s a different issue.
You are weak and you hate yourself.
You’re going to somehow get used to it, my guy; this is communication 101.
👀
maybe you should see a therapist? seems like there’s some deeper issues
When I used to have crooked teeth some people looked at my teeth instead of my eyes when I was talking to them. I hated that so much and really impacted my life. Now I’m happy that I fixed it and glad that I don’t have anything in my face that distracts the person I’m talking to. I really appreciate people who look at my eyes when I’m talking.
i can relate friend, but u should try to start socializing more to get used to vibing with others eye contact and all 🙂
it’s only gonna get more difficult if you feed into the fear.
i feel like the best way to get over this is to either plunge into practice or figure out what your hiding and why… best of luck🌻
Ngl when I look at someone when they talk I listen 100x better. You gotta get used to it. Especially job interviews your in for a surprise
Woof, some of these comments here are rough, sorry OP. You’re not weak. A therapist is a good idea for social anxiety in any context, so if you have access, that’s good advice.
To answer your question: This isn’t the same level as what you’re describing, but I used to absolutely refuse to do anything that would result in people clapping for me, it physically hurt. Clapping at other stuff, fine, but if I was being clapped at, it made my whole body want to crawl out of itself. I also don’t love eye contact, but I don’t experience what you’ve described.
I have diagnosed “atypical” adhd (lots of adhd plus a cluster of light autism/ocd symptoms). I’ll be honest with you, this post resonated with me on that level. I could be projecting, but is it possible you’re neurodivergent? How long have you felt this way about eye contact?
Could be you’ll grow out of this, could be you’re just not a huge eye contact guy, could be something in between. I know some really cool people who don’t do/do very little eye contact. It does make some social situations a little harder, but it absolutely doesn’t mean you aren’t social or can’t have a social life. It just maybe means your social life will involve less eye contact, lol.
It may be a form of autism too! Nothing to be ashamed about and perhaps a therapist like everyone else is saying could really really help you. I believe in you
Is this a new thing? Are you unhappy with your appearance? I have gained a bit of weight, my face is much rounder-this has caused increased social anxiety for me. Definitely get in my head when talking at length with anyone.
I feel like this when I’m eating or drinking in front of someone idk why
It’s even worse when they look at me and frown as I am speaking, as if they’re struggling to understand what I’m saying. It makes me feel like they’re trying to work out what’s wrong with me, which makes me worry about my tone and facial expressions, which then inhibits my grasp at articulation even more.
In many societies it is considered polite and respectful to look at the speaker, and rude/disrespectful to look away. Therefore children get accustomed from early on to be looked at.
I feel curious about your upbringing, but if you don’t want to share, don’t. At least, from a shy person who had to get used to being looked at for work reasons (front desk), I could share the tip of hinting a the person to look somewhere else. For example, you can use your hands to show something, Italian style. You can point to a window, a door, etc. You can mimick an action (for example, move your fingers as if writing on a paper). You can look into the distance. You can physically slightly turn your body at an angle, as if inviting to walk together towards somewhere.
The idea is to draw your audience into looking together at something else instead of at each other’s faces. Sometimes it works. And with time, you’ll get more used to being looked at and your confidence will increase.
Could be something be causing this? Other symptoms would be present as well, but this is a trait found in people with ADHD, autism, PTSD, and anxiety. If you observed yourself, would you find any other symptoms in your life that would give you more insight if this is a just a solo event or if you have other things pointing to an issue that might need some attention?