For context I live with my parents to save money while in university, I just started my second year a week ago. I used to live with one of my dads (M49) until less than a month ago. He was always really judgy – judging things like my weight, what I ate and a lot of just physical things that I couldn’t change. He never really expressed that he was proud of me (other than the time that I got into the best university in my country) but always told my younger sister that he was proud of her. It got to the point that I was so scared of being judged for some stupid reason that I wouldn’t leave my room. I always turned to my other dad (M59 and also his ex) for emotional support while living with my dad and he was really good for that.
Recently, I moved in with my M59 dad since he finally found a place in his budget that had more than one bedroom. He was super excited at first and so was I – I was super happy to finally get a break from all the judging. Well, since moving in with him – the judging has been a million times worse. While my other dad would judge physical things, this dad is constantly asking why I don’t do things to further myself in life (like I’m not already studying in university and am the first generation to go to university)
He always sees anything he does as a business opportunity or a way to get money. Meanwhile, I like to do things because they make me happy. He sees anything that makes me happy that doesn’t bring money is useless. I’m back in my cycle of hiding in my room because every time I leave it’s always something. Today I dropped a course to fix up my schedule and picked a class where I already had a few classes that day – but instead of him being happy because I had to pay less in transit fares, he immediately asked “well what are you going to do with your time??” And immediately became judgy and bombarded me with questions on how I would spend my time.
All I want is to be a student right now, I just worked an awful summer job and I want to dedicate my time to my studies.
TLDR- depending on which parent I live with, I always get so my judgement from my parents despite me trying my best. I’m so sick of only getting criticism and no praise. How do I escape this?
3 comments
Have you confronted either if them on this (I know this is difficult because they are your dads)
I would try to find someone to share an apt. with and just have a part time job while you are in school.
I’m not all sure as to what other options you have unless you have another family member you could move in with.
Try to get out more, spend less time in the house with your free time. Pick up a few hobbies, go out with friends.
Realistically the way to escape is to move out.
I don’t know your situation well enough to say whether they mean well or are out of line, but the truth is if you’re staying somewhere for free, sometimes it costs more than money.
Is it too late to move into the dorms?