So me and my husband have been together for been living together for almost 4 year. I am Hispanic and we like to treat our men like kings make food help with chores keep up with the house etc.. at first I wouldn’t mind we were just starting off and I would always want him to feel like home and I know his jobs is stressful. Plus at the time he would do our laundry and help out take trash out etc.
Now we’ve moved across country and our apartment is bigger we have two dogs and it rains frequently meaning they bring mud inside and someone has to clean it. Well that would be me I try to mop weekly and when I do tell him he says he forgets. Forgetting is his excuse for taking the trash for leaving clothes in the washer overnight for not helping with the dishes for not picking up his dirty laundry he leaves in the corner. I’m getting tired of reminding him I feel like a Nagging Wife I never wanted to be. (Same time I’m not his mom to pick up after him) I have talked to him all he says he will help me out more but it doesn’t change we get into argument because I will get on his ass but believe me I hate to do it. So the purpose of this is to ask for advice on how to get through to him? Like do I stop cleaning completely and cooking because he depend on me too much? I just need suggestion and if you’re a man and understand it help me understand bc I don’t ?
2 comments
How did he live before you guys moved in tougher? From a man perspective I honestly I didn’t care about clutter when I lived alone. I never had a dirty bathroom, or left dishes in the sink but I wasn’t worried about leaving clothes around and stuff. I would buy a case a beer and just keep it on the table for weeks.
I also didn’t buy a lost of stuff that my wife likes to buy that add to the daily housework, so I get a little resentful, like having to move all the crap she buys around and her compiling it’s dirty… or her pets, or her plants… Why is it my responsibility when it’s her wants and stuff?. I don’t know if you both wanted the dogs in an apartment but it sounds like hell to me. My wife for example will buy fancy glasses that don’t fit in the dishwasher well but then gets upset about dirty dishes.
TLDR; I just have different standards of what I like compared to my wife and her trying to make me live like she wants was her problem not mine.
I don’t know if this is good advice or not… but when I see posts like this I kind of just wonder how bad the situation is and if your expectations are too high? Does he get upset when things are not up to a certain standard or is it that you’re upset that he doesn’t care about the same things you do?
I used to get mad at my husband for certain things (always leaves his clothes in the dryer, doesn’t help with dishes, forgets to take out the trash) but then we had a kid and both got so busy that I realized he isn’t doing it on purpose and I’m getting mad about stuff that just genuinely doesn’t cross his mind. Also, I do shit that drives him crazy too. I’m not always the cleanest person and I don’t do things the way he likes but we don’t fight about it, it’s usually a discussion or light teasing. He is a really great father and he is doing his best, and I don’t want my home life to be tense just because it’s not up to my made up standards. I would love it if it’s clean all the time but it’s not, it’s functional and not usually cluttered but I would rather go to bed with a slightly messy house then lose sleep cleaning all night.
Idk my husband is also really not nit picky, his mom was old fashioned and kept the house perfect but she also didn’t have to have a job most of her life so it’s just different. My point is thinking about the bigger picture and how he treats you and what kind of relationship you want to have. I’m not saying what he does isn’t annoying I’m just wondering how he treats you and if you think he’s a good man. If he is good to you and sucks at little things that bug you, it might be good to just accept it and move on. Unless he’s an asshole and that’s a different discussion.