As the title says, grew tired of having my husband behave as a kid the majority of time. He has his redeeming qualities but still. To preface this I am from India, and the standards of a good husband here are ridiculously low.
So my husband does very minimal housework (eg makes tea once a month, sometimes keeps the garbage can out for collection). He does minimal childcare (eg. Takes our son out on weekends for a few hours). He bears minimal burden of financial planning etc etc. We both work and made good incomes, but he spends a sizeable portion of his on impulse spending, drinking and smoking.
He drinks often and blames this on me not being nice to him.
His family harangues me about being the reason for him drinking.
We went on a family trip with my in laws where my child had an asthma attack. My husband acted unperturbed and blamed me for being a bad mother. Not taking care of my child etc which caused him to have an asthma attack. He knows this talk will trigger me and he does it a lot in front of his family.
His family was not unhelpful. However that night they gave me an earful of advise on how to take care of my husband, how my husband is just a child (he is 35 and only six months younger to me). I lost my cool on the second day and screamed at them to leave me alone.
I realise I have anger issues and have started therapy for that.
But why is it normalised in India for men to never grow up?
2 comments
[removed]
Guess Scandinavian is on the other side of the table. We are, I suppose, extremely egalitarian when it comes to division of “home chores” in a marriage, say for a middle class family. And me being born a really lazy guy, but brought up in a family where personal responsibility were very important (in a country where personal responsibility is important), i really love my marriage. I kind of do my share from a low ambition level, but I do recognize all that needs to be done and plan that together with my wife. She would sure love to share from her higher ambition level but me doing my part of what’s mecessary was fine.
Being old enough to have seen both my children go off to university things are much easier now (I quite rejoice in them moving out, my wife just miss them), I cook dinner mondays and make enough food for two dinners, she cooks wednesdays enough for two days. Friday is like junk food day, and on the weekends we enjoy cooking together. Most things runs like that, me taking more care of fixing things while my wife do more washing up an such tasks.
When I look back at the “children years” she did much more of the chores for sure, but I still took care of quite a lot. The house renovations, taking kids to sports events and the like. But those years I said no to most “meeting people” events she suggested, did not join in for long IKEA seances and the like.
Now, your husband woulg probably have an easier time here, the responsibilities are kind of in our genes, most of us. Even if lazy. He would be happier doing his part without being ambitious. I suppose you do not give him much praise, and show thay you do not think things work. That probably makes him feel bad. I don’t know how situations like yours is handled in modern india. I can just say that taking responsibility makes me a happy man.