*sorry for long post / rant* I keep having horrible flashbacks of all the red flags I missed and every little wrong thing he ever did or said to me & I don’t know why. (We are both Arab) Been with him for 4yrs. It was a terrible relationship. I completely lost myself with him. I was NEVER good enough for him. He treated me like garbage… he would say & do things that would fly over my head then I catch him doing me wrong later on all the time … few examples: I told him I met a arab girl named summer.. He responded “summer & samer” sound good together (his name)… I didn’t think twice about it bc he always tried to make jealous jokingly (but they are never really jokes). 2 weeks later I mention to summer about my bf & she was like “omg I met him at the club 2 months ago .. he said summer & samer sound good together & tried to get with me.” So while I was explaining to my bf about this girl that whole time.. he had already met her before a month prior & said that joke “summer & samer “ went over my head. Now I am beat myself up for not catching on to his bs. Another ex: he said he liked Venezuelan girls randomly… like I said usually this is how he jokes & I didn’t give it a second thought… turns out he was cheating on me with a Venezuelan girl that’s why he said that. Another ex (I can go on for days): he wanted me to deep clean his shower… he has never asked me to do that before. He is a huge shower person bc his religion so before and after sex he expects you to take a shower. So I cleaned his bathroom and didn’t think about of it. Next day he took someone home & cheated on me bc I found LONG hair all in his shower… I have short hair. All his jokes had truth behind it . He’s jokes about Mexican girls this , Mexican girls that… then when id get mad it’s always “ I was joking you take everything serious”… whole time he’s adding 5,000 Mexican girls, DM’ing them & cheating. I never left bc I had no self respect at all. We broke up 2 months ago bc of cheating. He said he was never gonna stop. He was the one to end it not even me like wtf. Now that time has passed by all I can think about is him 24/7 it’s all negative, intrusive… I’ll be do something and randomly think “he f*cked that girl in the same bed you slept on”. It’s just really bad & it won’t stop. Obviously now I have a clearer mind and know I should’ve left, happy things are over, would never go back but I just don’t know what to do. I treated him like absolute gold . I keep trying to think what I did wrong to deserve all that? I was getting disrespected on the daily to the point I had to be like “can you stop talking to me like that” everyday. It was bad. I just want these thoughts to stop. (He has been trying to get back with me for 1 month now even though he’s blocked)
1 comment
Well you can’t make these thoughts to magically stop, it’s trauma and it’s not something you can just forget . You should be proud of yourself that you are out of this situation and make yourself a first priority. Do things which can lead you to mindfulness. Seeing the things how they are now comparing to before you should feel relieved. Just give it a time, heal yourself so you can become the best version of yourself, after that you should start attract different type of people what I mean is be the energy you want to attract. You’ve been through a lot, but you managed to get yourself out of it. Now is your time for emotional glow up. Good luck 🙂 !